The Family Circle

New Zealand Tablet, 20 July 1916, Page 55

The Family Circle

Mi*. Editor, —• I here take

A LETTER FROM A CAT.

My pen in paw=to say, Can you explain a curious thing I found the other day ? There is another little cat

Who sits behind a frame, And looks so very much like me, You’d think we were the same.

I try to make her play with me; Yet, when I mew and call.

Though I see her mew in answer, She makes no sound at all.

And to the dullest kitten It’s plain enough to see That either I am mocking her Or she is mocking me.

It no difference what I play, She seems to know the game; For every time I look around, I see her do the same. And yet no matter though I creep On tiptoe lest she hear, Or quickly dash around the frame. She’s sure to disappear.

SPELLING.

‘ Listen, Sadie, how do you spell ’ Sadie held up a monitory finger. All at once she looked extremely dignified, not to say formidable. ‘ No, Lee, if I tell you, you’ll have to ask me again next time. The only way is to look up the words you can’t spell until you know them.’ As Lee departed sulkily to consult the dictionary, Sadie lifted a laughing face to her friend. Her air of portentous solemnity was swallowed up in plain mischief.

‘ I always put on that high and mighty air,’ she explained to Ernestine confidentially, ‘to save having to own up that I don’t know. I n§ver could spell, you see.’ ‘ Oh!’

‘No, I hated spelling when I was a little thing, and I hate it now. Besides, I simply can’t learn. You know some people are that way ’ * I should think,’ observed Ernestine, a little hesitatingly, ‘ that by studying real hard ’ ‘ No, it wouldn’t do a particle of good,’ Sadie assured her. ‘ I simply can’t learn. But it doesn’t make any difference,’ she added carelessly. ‘ Lots of people can’t spell.’ The next time Sadie and Ernestine met the former was on her way to the city business college, and walking to save car fare. A great deal had happened since the two girls had their talk. A period of financial depression had caught Sadie’s father with a large amount of saleable property on his hands, and heavy obligations to meet. In ordinary seasons the one would have offset the other, but the hard times had made people unwilling to buy, while creditors were clamoring for their money. Sadie’s father was beginning life over again, and Sadie was going to help him, as she told her friend.

‘ I’m studying stenography, and I’m pretty sure of getting a position in the autumn. I shan’t earn much at first, you know, but at least I won’t have to ask father for money for my clothes.’ She was very brave about it and sweet and cheery. Ernestine went on her way thrilled with admiration. Sadie finished her course in about four months, and secured a position. In less than a month she was again an applicant. Ernestine found it hard tq„. keep

track of her during the next few months, for Sadie was continually changing. And then one day she telephoned the news that she was going to try a different kind of work.

‘ I’m not suited to business, anyway,’ she explained over the wire. ‘ Everything’s too cut and dried for me. I’ve got a position now as Mrs Vance’s secretary. I know I shall love it. She’s just too dear for anything.’ Another month passed. Then late one afternoon Ernestine called at Sadie’s home and was told Sadie was in. Sadie’s voice speaking from the top of the stairs confirmed that statement.

‘ Yes, I’m here. Come on up.’ Ernestine ascended with a rush, and the girls kissed each other.

* I wasn’t sure I should find you in,’ said the caller. ‘ How late does Mrs. Vance keep you V Sadie’s answer was a deep, burning blush, and then as Ernestine stared, ' realising confusedly that she had said the wrong thing, Sadie spoke out bluntly. ‘ I’m home now studying the spelling book. I’ve lost six positions because I didn’t know how to spell. I thought business men were silly and over-particular. But when Mrs. Vance read over a note I’d written with two misspelled words in it, she simply went to pieces. And before I start out again looking for a place, I shall be a good speller.’ But do you think you can learn V Ernestine inquired anxiously. She remembered that Sadi© had been very positive on that point. ‘Anybody can learn anything,’, replied Sadie, with a rather grim smile, ‘ who has as good reason for it as I have.’

THE CZAR’S JESTER.

Peter the Great of Russia, says Miss Anna L. Mordaunt in a study of his life and character, had a rough-and-ready humor of his own, but he was no match in a battle of wits for Balakireff, his jester. Once he attempted a retaliatory practical joke upon the privileged favorite, whose sharp tongue had played a little too audaciously with the imperial dignity. Balakireff had begged to be allowed to join the palace guard, and Peter, with apparent reluctance, allowed himself to be persuaded. 'Pie warned Balakireff to take his duties seriously, and especially impressed upon him that to be absent from his post when summoned, or to lose his sword would be an offence punishable with death. Then he sent to the.new officer’s quarters a royal gift of extremely potent liquor ‘to moisten his commission.’ The jester, as his master had expected, partook of it too freely, and while he was sleeping off the effects the Czar stole into his room and carried away the new sword, leaving the scabbard, however, and the mock sword of lath that Balakireff always bore as part of his professional equipment as court fool. Its hilt and trappings were fashioned in close imitation of a guardsman’s weapon.

The next - morning, when the summons to the parade ground soeinded, Balakireff, still rather dazed, hastily donned his fine new uniform and sought frantically for the missing sword. At the last moment he could not do better than catch up the mock sword and thrust it into the scabbard, where it would easily pass undetected unless he should have drawn it. Breathless, but to the casual eye properly armed and accoutred, he joined his company. Soon Peter appeared, surveyed the ranks with a piercing eye, and pouncing on an unfortunate soldier, berated him for untidiness, stupidity, sullenness, and unsoldierliness. Rapidly his wrath mounted until it attained an appalling climax. ‘ Captain Balakireff !’ he raged, ‘ draw your sword and cut that sloven down!’

Balakireff was terrified, but his wits did not'desert him. First darting a look of compassion upon the culprit, and one of appeal and reproach upon the Czar, he laid his hand obediently upon his sword hilt,

lifted his eyes fervently upwards and exclaimed, ‘ Merciful heavens, may my sword be turned to wood ! ’ Then drawing it with a flourish, he exhibited, indeed, a harmless lath!

Even the presence of the Czar could not check the roar of laughter that burst from officers and soldiers and Peter had to admit that his carefully premeditated jest had failed to disconcert his every-ready jester.

EVERYBODY LOSES THEM.

An old gentleman, evidently a gatherer of statistics, but with a kindly face which shaded off to something like philanthropy about the edges, was gazing abstractedly down the street. ° Suddenly he stepped up to a gentleman who was awaiting a cab, and, touching him lightly on the shoulder, said : 4 Excuse me, but did you just drop a five=pound note?’ at the same time holding out a note in his hand. The gentleman questioned gazed a moment at the note, assumed a look of excitement, made a hasty search of his pockets, and said : 4 Why, so I did, and I hadn’t missed it,’ holding out an eager hand. The old man slowly drew forth a note-book and said: ‘I thought so.’ He then took the name and address of the loser, and, putting the note in his pocket, turned away. 4 Well,’ said the other, 4 do you want it all as a reward ?’

4 Oh, I did not find one,’ returned the benevolent old man; 4 but it struck me that in a large city like London, there must be a great quantity of money lost, and upon inquiry I find that you are the thirty-first man who has lost a five-pound note this very morning.’

THE REASON FOR THE TAP.

.A well-known joker, being one night at a theatre, fancied he saw a friend some three seats in front of him. - Turning to his next neighbor, he said: 4 Would you be kind enough to touch that gentleman with your stick ?’ ‘Certainly,’ was the reply, and the thing was done.

But when the individual thus assaulted turned round, the wag saw he was not the man he took him for, and became at once absorbed in the play, leaving his neighbor with the stick to settle matters with the gentleman in front, which, as he had no excuse ready, was not done without considerable trouble. When the hubbub was over, the victim said: 4 Didn’t you ask me, sir, to tap that man with my stick?’ .

4 Yes.’

4 What did you want ?’ * Oh!’ said the joker, with imperturbable gravity, * 1 wanted to see whether you would!’

SOMETHING LIKE’A TALKER.

The proud mother had come to pay her first visit, accompanied by the infant heir and his nurse. 4 1 don’t wish to appear in any way partial,’ said she, 4 but, really, for a child of sixteen months, I consider Algernon a marvel of intelligence He understands every word that is said, and joins in the conversation with a sagacity that almost alarms me at times. Speak to the lady, Algernon.’ 4 800-boo,’ said Algernon. 4 Listen to that,’ cried the delighted mother. ‘He means, “How do you do?” Isn’t it wonderful? Now, Algernon, ask the lady to play for you. He adores the piano. Now, Algie, dear ’ (very coaxingly). 4 800-boo,’ said Algernon. . 4 He means “music” by that. Isn’t he too smart for anything? Now, love, tell the lady mamma’s name.’

* 800-boo,’ said Algernon.

* That’s right. “800-boo—Louise.” My name’s Louise, you know. Bless his little darling heart. Isn’t he a wonder?’ * ; V

IT NEVER FAILS.

Do you see that gentleman sitting opposite?’ said one man in the train to his neighbor. Yes.’

s I 11 bet anything you like I can make him pull his watch out of his pocket and consult the time, without saying a word to him.’ 4 All right,’ said his friend, 4 I’ll bet the best cigar to be had you don’t.’ And the speaker proceeded to try his experiment. He waited a few moments until the glance of the man referred to fell on him, and then, with much deliberation, drew forth his watch and looked at it. The man saw the movement, and instantly lifted his own watch from his vest pocket. 4 It never fails,’ said the successful experimenter, as they proceeded to secure the cigars. 4 Look at your own watch, and you’ll find it’s as catching as yawning. Try it yourself.’

LOCATING THE SQUEAK

It is an old saying that the person who makes jokes should be prepared to take them but we all know that the practical joker is very obtuse when the joke is at his expense, although others enjoy it hugely. One of these jokers, who was also an amateur ventriloquist, was recently a passenger on a river steamer, and, having a slight acquaintance with the engineer, was allowed to enter the engine-room. He took a seat in the corner, pulled his hat down over his eyes, and-appeared to be lost in reverie. Presently a certain part of the machinery began to squeak. The engineer oiled it, and went about his usual duties. In the course of a few minutes the squeaking was heard again, and the engineer rushed out, can in hand, to lubricate the same spindle. Again he returned to his post; but it was only a few minutes until the same old spindle was squeaking louder than ever. 4 Bother the thing,’ he cried; ‘it is bewitched!’ More, oil was applied, but the engineer began to be suspicious as to the cause. Soon the spindle squeaked for the fourth time, and on this occasion the engineer slipped up behind the ventriloquist and squirted half a pint of oil down his back.

4 There,’ said he, quietly, 4 that spindle won’t squeak any more, I’m quite certain.’

HE GOT IT.

Reginald was dining out. It was a great event in his young life, and under the watchful eyes of his father and mother he was behaving really well. 4 Will you have a little of this ice-pudding, Reggie?’ asked the hostess kindly, as she served the sweets.

4 No, thank you!’ replied Reggie. Mother nearly gasped. Never before had her little darling refused pudding. ‘Oh, come, dear she said, afraid he must be sickening for something. 4 Do have a little !’

‘No, thank you!’ said Reggie, quietly. , 4 Then what will you have?’ asked the hostess, A lot, please!’ replied Reggie, firmly.