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New Zealand Tablet, 29 June 1911, Page 1222

TURNING THE LAUGH

Sir Wilfrid Laurier, who has been the popular Prime Minister of Canada for so many years, is one of the thinnest of men, and he once used this characteristic to turn the laugh against an opponent who was attacking him in Parliament. This gentleman, a big, burly man, accused him of 'fattening at the expense of the poor, deluded people of this country.' When the time came for him to reply, Sir Wilfrid merely remarked with a smile: « 'I ask the House to look at the honorable gentleman opposite and then look at me, and say which of us is more exposed to the charge of getting fat!' UNDER EXAMINATION Teacher in mental arithmetic : 'lf there were three apples on the table, Johnny, and your little sister should eat one of them, how many would be left?' Johnny: 'How many little sisters would be left?' Teacher: ' Now, listen, Johnny. If there were three apples on the table, and your little sister should eat one, how many would be left?' Johnny: 'We ain't had an apple m the house this year, let alone three.' Teacher: 'We are only supposing the apples to be on tho table, Johnny.' Johnny: Would they be preserved apples Teacher: 'Certainly not!' . Johnny : ' Baked apples ?' Teacher:'No, no! There wouldn't bo any apples aiall, as I told you, Johnny we only suppose the apples to be there.' Johnny : ' Then there wouldn't bo any apples, of course.' Teacher : ' Now, Johnny put that knife in your pocket, or I will take it away, and pay attention to what I am saying. We imagine three apples to be on the table.' Johnny: 'Yes.' Teacher : ' And your little sister eats one, and goes away.' Johnny: 'Yes; but she wouldn't go away till she had finished the three. You don't know my little sister.' Teacher : ' But suppose your mother was there, and wouldn't let her eat but one?' Johnny : ' Mother's out of town, and won't be back till next week.' Teacher (solemnly) : ' Now, Johnny, I will put the question once more, and if you do not answer it correctly I shall keep you after school. If three apples were on the table, and your little sister were to eat one of them, how many would be left?' Johnny (straightening up) : ' There wouldn't be any apples left; I'd grab the others.' Teacher (touching the bell) : ' The scholars are now dismissed; Johnny White will remain where he is.' MISSING DUCKS In a country police court a man was brought up by a farmer for stealing some ducks. How do you know they are your ducks asked tho defendant's counsel. 'Oh, I should know them anywhere,' replied tho farmer, and he went on to describe their different peculiarities. ' Why,' said the prisoner's counsel, ' these ducks can't be such a rare breed. I have some very like them in my own yard.' 'That's not unlikely, sir,' replied the farmer; 'these are not the only ducks I have had stolen lately!' ' Call the next witness,' said counsel. FAMILY FUN Water Singing in a Glass. —Hold a wine-glass nearly full of water or other liquid by the stem in one hand, and draw one of your fingers, moistened, along the edge of the glass with a steady pressure, when the glass will squeak and the water leap about as if it danced to its own singing. A Double Vibration. —Provide two discs of metal or glass, precisely of the same dimensions, and a glass or metal red; cement them at their centres to the ends of the rod, and strew their upper surfaces with sand. Cause the upper disc to vibrate by a violin bow, and its vibration will be exactly imitated by the lower disc, and the sand strewed over both will arrange itself in precisely the same forms. The Pneumatic Bottle. —Into a four-ounce phial put ounce of water; in the cork sealing-wax a glass tube, which shall reach a little below the water inside, and cork it up air-tight. On plunging the bottle into hot water, or holding it to heat, the water will be driven by the air within up the tube.