All Sorts

New Zealand Tablet, 16 September 1909, Page 1478

All Sorts

Magistrate: 'What brought you here?' Prisoner: 'Two policemen.' 'Drunk, I suppose?.' 'Yes: both of * them.' _ • Tommy : ' Ma, why should a lazy boy like to learn music ?' Mamma : ' I cannot say, my son.' Tommy : ' Because there are lots of rests in it.' ' I shall tell your father when he comes home. You've been fighting again.' • Please don't tell him, mamma. I'm licked bad enough now, without having another round with papa.' For seven years a nervous old gentleman living near "Woolwich made a circuit of half a mile twice per day rather than pass a powder-magazine. The other day he - learned that it had been empty for over eight years. An old lady, calling on a certain great doctor for medical advice, inquired of him if she should call him professor or doctor. • ' Oh, call me anything you like,' was the great man's rejoinder. Some people call me an old idiot.' 'Really!' the lady murmured sweetly. 'But then they will be people who know you intimately.' Watts: 'You won't mind my leaving my bike here in your office, will you? I know you don't ride one, ~ but ' Potts : ' No, I don't ride one very well yet, but I began taking lessons yesterday.' Watts : ' Er— come to think of it, I don't think I'Ji impose upon your good nature, old man.' Mrs. Egerton Blunt : ' But why did you leave your last place ?' Applicant : ' I couldn't stand the way the mistress and master irsed to quarrel, mum.' Mrs. E. B. (shocked) : ' Dear me ! Did they quarrel very much, then ?' Applicant : ' Yes, mum. When it wasn't me and 'im, it was me and 'er.' Scene : Train stopping at small roadside station. Irritable Old Gentleman : ' What on earth do they stop at a station like this for ?' Objectionable Passenger (alighting) : 'To allow me to get out. Irritable Old Gentleman : ' Ah ! I see, it has its advantages, then.' Animals are said to weep from various causes. Grief at the loss of young ones and mates makes the dog, horse, elephant, rat, bear, deer, monkey, donkey, mule, cattle, camel, and giraffe shed tears. Sobbing has been proved in the parrot, though this may be mimicry. The stag at bay and the caged rat have been seen to weep, while monkeys have wept when pitied or from terror. The elephant has wept at the loss of its liberty j and in some cases also from vexation. The dread of punishment has caused captive chimpanzees and other apes to weep. Joy, pain, fatigue, thirst, ill-usage, sympathy, old age, approaching death, and pettishness have all drawn tears from animals, or at least driven them to a tearful state. Various ineffectual attempts have been made to rear silkAvorms in sufficient quantities in England to produce silk equal to that imported from abroad. The success which attended the establishment of mulberry plantations in the South of France induced James the First to hope that a similar advantage might be available in England. The promulgation of the King's opinion awoke some i;tiierest on the subject; but in the time of Charles the First the cultivation of the mulberry and the rearing of silkworms appears to have been almost given up. From 1713 to 1825 repeated attempts were made in England to bring this branch of industry to a profitable issue, but unsuccess- , fully, owing to the climate. There is no doubt that :f the proper species of insect be selected, and if mulberry leaves be supplied in sufficient quantities, silk may be produced almost equal to that of Italy. The earliest newspaper in the world, barring the Chinese claims, was the .4. eta Diurna of the Romans, issued some centuries B.C. The oldest regular newspaper published in England was established by Nathaniel Butler in 1662. The oldest in France was commenced by Theophrastus Renaudot in 1632, during the reign of Louis XIII. •"It was called the Gazette de France. The first Dutch? newspaper, the Haarlem Couraiht, is dated January 8, 1656. It was . then called De Weeckplycke Gourante van Europa, and con- • tamed two small folio pages of news. ' The first Russian newspaper was published in 1703. ■ Peter the Great noc only took part " personally in its editorial composition, but in correcting proofs, as appears from sheets still in existence, in which are marks and alterations in -his own hand. There are two complete' copies of the first year's edition of this paper in the Imperial Library at St. Petersburg. The first North American newspaper was the Boston Newsletter, commenced April 24, 1704. It was half a sheet of paper, 12in by Bin, two columns on a page. R. Green was the printer. It survived until 1776 — seventy-two years.