Two Crowds.

New Zealand Tablet, Volume XXIX, Issue 41, 10 October 1901, Page 17

Two Crowds.

' Dooley's ' words were full «of meaning when he described Great Britain as England, and Scotland and that part of Ireland which is north of Sligo. There iB the greatest difference imaginable between the North and the South of Ireland. A south of Ireland crowd, even when holding a legal meeting in a perfectly orderly way, are extremely luoky if they have not their heads pounded to impalpable jelly by the business ends of a regiment of policemen's loaded batons. An Ulster Orange mob, on the other hand, can amuse themselves by wrecking dwellings and looting public-houses and making presents, to peaceful citizens, of cobble-stones and halfbricks, and other tokens of their violent affection and esteem ; and the 'polis' and the ' milingtary ' will stand by and not interfere with the ' fun ' of those howling • loyalists ' ' out for a day's divarshun.' I have a suggestion to make. The idea is not my own, otherwise I should take out a patent for it. Let the aforesaid peaceful citizens form themselves into a fire brigade and invest in a fire-engine. There is nothing like a six-inch stream of oold water to cool the ardor of an Orange mob. They have an insuperable objection to cold water, and they resemble the Rotomahana geysers in their dislike for soap. They hate soapy water just as much as a certain near relation of theirs hates holy water. Ton dare not oarry fire-arms about with you in Ireland, under divers pains and penal. ties — not even to shoot at the flocks of rooks on your grain or the rabbits on your turnip-patch. But there is no such law regarding fire-engineß. You cannot — worse luck I—carry1 — carry them about with you, for one of them is as troublesome as a park of motor-cars and takes as much ' nussin ' as a prize baby. Henoe I suggest that each Catholic community in the north-east oorner of Ireland invest in an American fire-engine for the sake of keeping the Orange mobs in order.

Only a few weeks ago in America, a fire-engine was requiaitiomed to convince a crowd and it did the work with more neatness and despatch and general effectiveness than an army corps of p'leeoemen About 200 Dowieites invaded the town of Evanston, Illinois, to convert it to Dowieism. Dowieites are the followers of a knowing rogue named Dowie. Dowie claims to be Elijah resurrected. And he has earned the distinction of making the prophet-business a very profitable one — he having become a millionaire by it in a few years. Well, some 1500 of the Evanston people didn't want Elijah 11., or his tag-rag-and-bobtail of a following. They made no Beoret of their dislike, and in a brief Bpace of time all Evanston was several times livelier than a three-ring circus. The few polioe were mustered in hot haste and marched into the Maelstrom of spiritual contention, but they were tossed about as helpless as half a dozen totara chips in the Ku A r arau Falls. Confusion was fast becoming worse confounded when — says an American paper — ' Mayor Bates of Evanston, seeing that unless something were done quickly people would be seriously hurt and possibly killed, ordered out a fire engine. The engine at once turned a four-inch stream on the Dowieites, and they went over like tenpins. Women, as well aa men, were thrown down by the stream, add sent rolling in the mud. The people of Evanston daucei and hooted with delight as the firemen steadily advanced, driving the Dowieites before them in utter rout. The work was done with impartiality, and any Dowieite dilatory in movement was washed along in the stream. As the Dowieites fled, the bombardment with eggs and vegetables waß resumed, and aided materially in ridding the town of the Zionists Elder Piper, of Dowie's Church, who had been in command of the small army, was arrested on a charge of disorderly conduct. While he was being led to the station, men and boys armed with syringes containing dirty water and other liquids, made him an object of special attention, and he was in a sorry condition when the Btation doors closed behind him. About 20 other Dowieites were taken ir.t;> custody, more to save them from the crowd in.the streets than for &uy other reason. The Dowieites say they will return in greater force, and the people of Evanston declare that the next riot will be just bo much the larger and the fire streams so much the stronger.'

Some time ago somebody in America wrote a poem entitled ' The Man with the Hoe.' As coon as I get my jubilee visits finished I am going to celebrate ' The Man with the Hobo.'