Battle's Views.

New Zealand Tablet, Volume XXIX, Issue 26, 27 June 1901, Page 19

Battle's Views.

Yesterday I met my friend Bartle Dooley gazing distractedly at the inscription on the marine arch. lie informed me that he had contrived to 'borry the loan iv a claw-hammer coat, an' wa9 goin 1 to th' reception to Bhake hands wid th' Dutch an' to take tay wid th 1 Dutohess. But,' he continued, pointing a finger of scorn to the inscription on the arch, 'it's turr'ble to think iv the sight iv money they laid out buildin' that beautiful gim iv a marble arch out iv white canvas, an' thin roonin' it be writin acrost it sich bad epellin' as " Ceud Mile Faiite." I s'pose it's the mastherpiece iv that mayanderin* Mr. Holmes. He may be the champion organisator ; he may be Al at Lloyd's f'r sindin' tiligrafts sayin' bell be

there on Winsdah at 8 o'cL ck sharp ; he miy be aiqual to all an/ Bhuparior to none at emulatin' th' denizens (as flogan says) iv Christchurch an' Dunaidin be tellin' 'em th' sight iv things they're doin' f'r th' Jook in Auckland an' Wellin'ton ; but he knows as little about Irish as th' Lord Liftinint himeelf, an' if this wasn't me busy day, 'pon me soukins I'd fit him f'r th' consumptive Bandhriorum or th' home f'r decayed play-acthors. ' What cbanbt would that idjet have in a p pell in' bee ? ' con* tinued Bartie. • "Bout th' uauiti oliau&t a& a war correspondent 'd have in th' gineral judgment. That " ceud " ought to be " cead." An' what the scholar da call th' grave aocint over th' "a" in "faiite" should be hangin' up ba th' heels in a Chinese wash-house or be painted in. side th' arch, where nobody could clap his eyes on it. Ev'ry county in Ireland epakes th' langwidge wid its own accint an' its own brogue, but divil th' wan iv 'em with a grave accint or a eepulohryal brogue. I've heerd it said that all the grave acciuts in Irish is 'cute wans — too 'cute, bed ad, to be makin' a holy show iv theirselves up there forninst the whole worruld. I lost me own beautiful T'prary accint an brogue half a cinch'ry ago, an ev'ry wan takes me f'r a youDg New Zailander now.' * ' But c-e-u-d is right, too, isn't it 1 ' I ventured to remark. ' C-e-n-d right, too ? D'ye know more about it nor Brian Boru, " wid the collar of goold which he won from th' proud invadher "— as Hogan says 7 Whin Brian wint in state down th' R'yal Canal to welcome home th' throopers afther th' battle iv — iv Fontenoy or eomewhere, what did he say? Did ne say "C-e-u-d vide faiite "? Dickens a bit ivhini. He said " C-t-x-d mile faiite, me boys,'* says he, " Ye've done y'r jooty," says he, "an' there's free dhrinks f'r ye," says he, "at Murphy's," says he. D'ye know more about th 1 spellin' iv it nor Dan'l O'Connell, the Lib'rator, whin he took a hoult iv th 1 flu re in the House in Commons, wid wan hand on his heart an' t'other away in th' cimet'ry, an' said : " Wan half iv it is a lie, an' t'other half is a thingumy bob '" ? No, no, Quip. Ould books, ould wine, ould friends, ould welkims. I'll hould me houit on cead liae an English towrist on an Irish iauatin'-ear or like a New Zailand M. FI.R. on his sate in the Hoube whin it's gettin' a bit wobbly." • Rut, I ventured to say. 'ct ud is good Scotch Gaelic' • Good .Scotch Gaelic ' You don c mane to say so .' Tare-an* ages, man, why didn't ye say bo before ye spoke? But they'se tough know in every queschun. An' sure, me honey, bad Irish '11 pass f'r good Scotch anywhere, whether it's whisky or langwidge ye' re talkin' about. Which reminds me that I'm as dhry as a wooden god.' • s