Grade and Gay.

New Zealand Tablet, Issue 31, 3 December 1897, Page 29

Grade and Gay.

MR. BEEEBOHM TREE IN DUBLIN. There are two or three good stories in an interview with Mr. Tree, which appeared in the Freeman's Journal. For instance. Mr. Tree said : "To tell you the truth I am against leading — on principle. It spoils all originality. It fills am in with second-hand thoughts that were made by other people. I once delivered a lecture against the pernicious habit of reading to a very learned body. I will send yo i a copy. There was a deep p lined silence amongst the audience wh'ii thry began to understand what I was at. Hut it came all ri, r ht ; I had one true and earnest sympathiser, anyhow. He came to me after the piecje was over, sprinkling his ' haitches' all over the place. ' Shake 'anils. Mr. Tre ;,' he said, ' you're sentiments is mine. I 'aye never read h my thing during ray whole blooming life, and I don't mean to.' " Again : " But it wasn't altogether of the theatre I was thinking when I said I likei Dublin. There is always something curious and a nusing h ippening to you here that could not happen anywhere else. Here's a Mnall example of what I mean. I sent a uion the other d.iy in a hurry to post some letters in the General Po&t Offiae. He came bick breathless. 'Were you in time?"' I asked. ' Barely, yoar honour,' he answered. ' They were out of stamps and I hal to get them at a public house.' " " I have had quite a number of delightful experiences with the Irish jarvey. I must honestly confess they always had the best of me. On one occasion I was talking of an eminent statesman. ' I believe you are going to set up ast itue to him in Dublin .'" I said. " Can you tell me where it is going to be erected V 'At the bottom of the Liffey,' he answered promptly. ' Como, my man, don't give way to levity,' I replied, 'I am credibly informed that the statesman in question is now the must r<."»pe~ted suid uopular man in Dublin.' He looked at me with a comical expression uf appeal in his face. ' Well, sir,' he said, 'if you are going to creep up my back, don't do it with hobnailed boots.' Another jarvey was h>s complimentary. We got a great reception in Dublin on one occasion, I think it was the time I crossed straight over after playing before her Majesty. I suppose I was a little elated. ' This company at the Gaiety is creating a great sensation in Dublin,' I ventured to say to the jarvey. ' Not half as much as the small-pox,' was the unexpected reply." MEETING BOTH ENDS. Smith walked up Market street the other evening with a box of candy under one arm and a big package of meat under the other. " Hello, Smith," said Brown. '• gone to housekeeping ? I didn't know you were married."' " I'm not yet." '• Where are you going with that candy and meat, then ? " " Going to see my girl." " Do you have to furnish the family with meat already 1 " '" Oh, no ; the candy is for the girl and the meat is for the dog, I have to square, rnysglf with both," — San Francisco Argut,

AN AMBIGUOUS OFFER. Some of the expressions used in sport (says a writer in ar exchange) are a bit confusing. A party of cyclists were starting for a run, and one of the young ladies who was a bh late — ladies sometimes are.when. when preparing for an outing — was left behind. Finally a cyclist, with whom she was distantly acquainted, came along, and hearing the tale of woe, said, '" Oh, don't bother about them. You coma with me, and we'll soon catch up. 11l nurse you all right." ''Excuse me, but you'll do nothing of the kind," said the lady with some firmness. '■ I don't allow married men to nurse me." The poor, confus-ed man had to explain hurriedly, through his blushes, exactly what nursing meant in cycle racing language. I am not quite sure what it does mean, but it doesn't mean nursing in the sense understood either in family circles or at seaside picnics. HE SPOILT THE SEMIOX. A good story is told (says a writer in the Aunt l'dliis'ian") by a correspondent, to whom I have been previously indebted, of a clergyman well known in the Western district — a man of mont orthodox views, an authority on Church statistics, and yet somewhat resembling Eli in the management of his family. Being a very close reader, it was his usual plan before leaving his study for the pulpit, to take one final look at his sermon, to see that his mischievous son had not been at his favourite trick of "nicking a leaf " from the MS. and thereby destroying the thread of the discourse. Once bitten, the reverend gentleman had ever s-ince been on his guard. He was announced to re-deliver, in a neighbouring township, his pet sermon on temperance. All went well till the peroration, when he asked the momentous question : " And what is necessary to enable us to attain to this hi»h ideal of humanity ?" Then, after an oratorical pause, he furnished the answer himself in the following words :—: — " Nothing but spirituous stimulants ?" The erring and irreverent son was answerable for the change of the original " spiritual stimulus " into the more familiar •' spirituous stimulants."