Grave and Gay.

New Zealand Tablet, Volume XXV, Issue 15, 13 August 1897, Page 19

Grave and Gay.

THE QUEEN WITH WHISKERS. The captain of a regiment stationed at Natal, when paying his company one day, chanced to give a man a Transvaal half-crown, which, as one would naturally expect, bears the image and superscription of President Kruger. The man brought it back to the pay-table and said to the captain — '• Please, sir, you've given me a bad half-crown." The officer took the coin and without looking at it rang it on the table, and then remarked — '• It sounds all right, Bagster, what's wrong with it .' " " You luke at it, sir," was the reply. The captain glanced at the coin, saying — •• It's all right, man, it will pass in the canteen." This apparently satisfied Bagster, who walked off, making the remark — '• If you say it's a' right, sir, it is a' right ; but it's the first time I've seed the Queen wi' whiskers."' A CHANCE FOR THE ENGLISH NIMRODS. The London Mail says that a number of wealthy Englishmet have organised an expedition to come to the United States shoon wild horses in the Rocky Mountains. The gentlemen can, after they get through shooting "wild horses in the Rocky Mountains." come down onto the plains and shoot the Ooglywoo, which is found in great numbers in that vicinity. It has six logs and a very strong, short tail. When clanger appears it at once stands on its tail and spins rapidly around. Or course this makes a hole, into which the Ooglywoo bink.s rapidly out of sight. The hole then disappears also. — Forest and Stream. HELPING HIM OUT. Crawley and his wife were at a dinner party the other night and Craw Icy. who had been waiting three-quarters of an hour^for the opportunity, suddenly burst out with — '• JL'hat reminds me of a little story 1 heard the other day about an absent-minded man who was going to take a bath on Saturday night, and " " You are mistaken, my dear, ' said the wife of Crawley'a bosom, across the table in her calm, yet firm voice. "It was not ttatuiday night, it was Wednesday night. You always get it wrone when you try to tell the story, and 1 think that even a simple little story should be told correctly if at all. and you are so apt to «-et muddled on the mam points of a story that I d rather help you out by telling the main points my-elf, which were that the man was wry ab-ent-mindt'd. and one night when he had filled the bath-tub full of water preparatory to taking a bath, his head was so full of other things that what did he do but plunge right in without taking oft any of his clothes ! Tho-e are tbo main points, and now )ou may go on w ith the stor} , Mr. Crawley. ' And iMr. Crawley laughed lightly as he said, " I <r uesß there is nothing left to tell, my dear." but the thoughts and strong desires that were hidden aw ay in the secret recess o f his heart only Mr Crawl, y knew as they went on their homeward way.— \cir York Wo i id. 'i in: m^cr.c as a means of (..race. A friend of mine (says a contributor to the Dublin tree man) sends me a copy of a Northern weekly, and he marks a passage in it 1 torn an address delivered by a Protestant clergyman to the local branch of the Young Men's Christian Association. Here it is ■'They should take plenty of exercise, . . . and he epoke of cj cling as being a popular mode of exercise, and he would go so far as to say that it was a mean-, of grace." I have written to thank uiy friend tor being so solicitous about my spiritual welfare ; but regret to think that he may have been moved to this charitable act by a lear that I was not utilising the means of grace already aii'orded me. A hard-beaded non-cycling friend of mine, to whom 1 showed the extract, supports the grace theory with the remark •' I suppose the argument is that cycling should make riders •remember their last end.' I often think of their last end as an event they are -hastening' to meet ; bnt. then, alas ! that is not a grace for me." I would rather imagine that the rev. gentleman suggested that any respectable '• scorcher ■' should be able to "leave SatarT'a way," and to " fly his temptations." I expect to lind the soul-saving qualities fully set out mthe prospectus of the next cycling company to he floated. A learned ecclesiastic was announced by handbill to "ive a lecture m a town in one of the Western States of America!" He was a D.D., which letters were duly appended to his name in the announcement. A lew local settlers were reading and discussing the bill. " What can D.D. mean ?" inquired one. After a pause one bright reasoner Miggested, - It must be Devil Uodgor," which explanation " passed unanimously." A "UP" bicycle should live and thri\e.