Grade and Gay.

New Zealand Tablet, Volume XXIV, Issue 1, 30 April 1897, Page 19

Grade and Gay.

MARK TWAIN'S REALISM.

It is a Denver newspaper tradition that the funniest bit of journalistic work ever done by Mark Twain was strangled by a too friendly proof-reader. Mark was ordered to write up the opening of a tavern, quite a noteworthy event in those days in the Colorado town. He thought it would be funny to make his account of the festivities bear silent witness to the potency of the free refreshments dispensed. The article began soberly enough, but soon the diction became misty, even the spelling grew confused, and finally the whole thing degenerated into a maudin, incoherent eulogy of the tavern-keeper. It was funny. Mark read it over, and laughed until he cried. But the noxt morning, when he eagerly scanned the paper, he could not find his work. In an obscure corner he saw a two-line item, stating that " The Alcazar Tavern was opened with appropriate festivities last night." That was all. He rushed down to the office and inquired about his article. The managing editor knew nothing about it. The city editor couldn't tell what had become of it ; the foreman said he hadn't seen it. As Mark was oiioi ting about the " outrage," and was running about the office trying to get track of his missing " copy," a proof-reader slyly nudged him and said, confidentially, ■' You owe me a cigar." " How is that ?" inquired the humorist. '• I've earned it," was the reply. " I saved your job for you last night. Maybe you don't know how the old man here feels about such things ; but he won't have it if he finds it out. He's sacked three men since I've been here — just that way.' " Just what way 1 " " Why, just as you were last night you know. Your stuff wouldn't do at all ; it was simply awful. I knew if the old man saw it you were gone ; so I fixed it up myself."

Mr. P. Lundon, Land, Estate and Financial agent, Phoenix Chambers, Wanganui, is prepared to do all sorts cf commission work. Hotels bought and sold, money lent in any quantity and at the lowest r.ite of interest. Mr. Lundon will give clients who wish to take up land full particulars of the district in which they wish to settle.

Messrs. Trvine and Stevenson have just added to their large list o p industries 'hat "f starch making. Their Lily brand starch i- s ml i.y cx-p rih w ho h.^ o -wil it to be equal, if not superior, to imp- rifd brands. All iho jir.n ;.pal laundries are now using it and it is giving universal satisfaction.