AN EASTER MANŒUVRE.

New Zealand Tablet, Volume XVI, Issue 6, 1 June 1888, Page 27

AN EASTER MANŒUVRE.

(From Truth)

" Snioger and Snap, merchant tailors," that was all that appeared over their shop-window. Surely nothing could suggest more peaceful reflections. Tne contents of the shop-window, too, had in them nothing of warlike significance, Tweeds and worsteds, broadcloths and meltons, put one in mind of no implement more dangerous than a yard-stick. Who, then, would have imagined that Messrs. Snigger and Snap were military men and that tnis shop of theiru was a perfect magazine of military science 1

Yet such was the case. Though the necessities of life compelled Messrs. Snigger and Snap to devote much of their time and attention to tailoring, yet their hearts lay not in their trade. Had fortune permitted them they would have gladly abandoned it, for their natural inclination liy less towards the construction of garments than towards the constructiou of fortifications. They would have preferred making breaches to making trousers. But fate was inexorable Their incomes, unless supplemented by the profits of their buisness, were insufficient for the wants of themselves and their families ; so they were reluctantly compelled to combine as well as they could the occupation which brought them money with the occupation which brought them pleasure. And they effected the combination most satisfactorily. Though during the day Mr. Snigger was a tailor, in the evening he was no less than a Colonel ; and, in the same way, Mr. Snap, though a tailor during eleven months of the year, was during the twelfth a Captain. The similarity of tastes of the two members of the firm was all that was necessary to complete the perfect unison of the partnership. In business affairs two persons could not agree better than Messrs. Snigger and Snap. As in all well-regulated firms, each of them had a department assigned to him, into the management of which the other never thought of iutiu<ling. Mr. Snap saw the customers, aad a more adioit hand at coaxing, wheedling, and cajoling, could cot be conceived. Mr. Snigger did the buying, and no man in the trade could obtain the goods he wanted on lowar terms than he. Each partner discharged his duties to the other's satisfaction, and between them there waß never a business dispute. But even if there had been business disagreements, their common love of soldiering would have beeD a strong bond of union between them, and have made them very reluctant to break up the partnership. As it was, it transformed a commercial alliance into an enthusiastic friendship, aad a shop in Bonk street into an abode of harmony.

It was Colonel Snigger's custom, in his enthusiastic love of soldiering, to induce as many of his men as possible each year to volunteer for the Easter review and manoeuvres, and, as he was known to be very liberal towards those who did so, not a few of bis regiment were usually willing to devote their Easter holiday to marching and countermarching in pleasant country lanes. It was Colonel Snigger s boast that only two or three out of all the London corps turned out on such occasions so strong or so well a 9 bis. The season of spring manoeuvres was a happy one for the Colonel. It was ouly whtn, on a curveting horse and with a clanking sword by his side, he was leading his troops against an imaginary enemy that he could realise the glory of w«r and the fierce delight of the struggle. The season of 1888 premised to be a great one for him. For the first time in his lite, he was to have a separate command. In the manoeuvres and sham figh/s which were to take place hia legiment was to be detached from the main force on his side, and to operate against the enemy under his sole dir<.c ( ion. Such a prospect excited and delighted him.

Captain Snap was nearly as much interested in the matter as his partner.

" Now, Tom," said the gallant Captain, on the eve of Colonel > Snigger's departure for the scat of war, " take care and don't disgrace the fiim." "No fear, my boy," replied Colonel Snigger, cheerily. Don't you be afraid. I'll keep my military eye open, I assure you." " There are to be «ham fights and night attacks, you see. See. now, that nobody captures yon." Well, you are complimentary, Sam," answered Colonel Snigger,

a little hurt. •' Do you think you could capture me? " " Well, I don't know ; but I should like to try." " Pity you can't. You can come down, though, and help me with your advice. What do you say to that 1 "

"I wish I could," replied Captain Snap, thoughtfully ; "bat business, Tom, business— we can't both be away for long at the same time. You'll be about Braxby, won't you 7 Let me see, I have a cousin near there— old Farmer Spuds. If I run down for a day or so, I could see the manoeuvres and pay him a visit at the same time. If I can manage it, that's what I'll do."

" All right, my boy ; you may depend upon having a true military welcome."

On the following Saturday afternoon Colonel Snigger and hia men were camping after several hours' severe march. As the gallant Colonel watched the Volunteers preparing for the approaching night, he thought with pleasure over the incidents of the day and with regret over the absence of his friend and partner, Oaptain Snap. While thus engaged an orderly rode up to him, and presented him with an order from the general in command of the forces to which hi* regiment was attached . Opening the despatch with an important air, Colonel Snigger glanced over it. To his surprise and delight it directed him to attack that night certain of the enemy's forces which were stationed in the neighbourhood of Braxby, a village about fi»e miles off, He was ordered to leave his encampment about ten o'clock, to advance silently aud secretly upon Braxby, and to surprise the foe, and, if possible, effect his capture about midnight. It was no wonder that Colonel Snigger was delighted. The despatch was a marked compliment to him. Hitherto, in manomvrsf and sham fights, he had been pitched against Volunteer officers ; but in this ease the officer in command of the enemy's troops was A Regular. Not merely so, but he was no lesß than a general— General Slack. To be thought fit to cope wilh Buch a commander was, aB Colonel Snigger reasonably thought, no mean compliment to his military capacity.

The day had been bright and cold, but as night cime on the sky began to be overclouded, and before it was dark rain was coming down. As the evening advanced the rain grew heavier, until by 7 o'clock it was a regular downpour. Colonel Snigger regarded the change ia the weather with soldierly satisfaction ; the wet and gloom of the night would assist him in surprising the foe. At about 6 o'clock he thought it was time to inform the cotds o" his intended operations. Summoning, therefore, his officers together, he communicated to them his orders, and instructed them to tell their men to be ready to set out at ten sharp. This done, they all reassembled in his tent and held a council of war.

At the hour appointed the regiment was assembled and the roll called, and after a caution from Colonel Snigger to observe the strictest silence, the advance began. Bad as the weather had been earlier in the evening, it now was infinitely worse. The rain came down in heavier torrents than ever, and the cold had grown simply piercing. Then the roads were as soft and dirty as newly-ploughed fields, while the ditches were flooded, and had become rivers of liquid mud. Added to this, the moon was hidden by thick, impenetrable clouds, and the whole country was overwhelmed in darkness. A more miserable night for an expedition one could not conceive.

The Volunteers marched courageously along, feeling their way as they went as best they coald. In spite of their overcoats they were speedily drenched to the skin. Their boots, though thick enough, were soon full of water and laden wita mud. Often the road seemed more like a canal than a highway. Tn^ alvaace was laborious and painful enough to try the endurance of thj rjugheu veterans ; but the Volunteers, though mostly mere boys and altogether unused to toilsome marches, showed no sign of faltering. Manfully and resolutely they went forward, braving and overcoming their multitudinous difficulties.

In this way they had advanced about four miles, and were comiug pretty near the enemy's position. Hitherto there had been little noise in the ranks ; every man had been too laboriously engaged pulling his feet out of the mud to waste his strength strength in idle c latter. Nothing was heard amid the pattering of the rain bat toe tramp of the meu, and occasionally an oath and a splash aa some one stumbled into a ditch. Nevertheless, Colonel Snigger thought it was as well, now that the foe was near, to go among his men and cantion them to tread lightly, and on no account to speak above a whisper. The Volunteers carefully obeyed his orders, and the advance went on slowly, perhaps, but in the most profound silence. Suddenly, to everybody's amazement, a crash of musketry sounded through the night. It was answered by another and louder peal. A third succeeded, and thenhe firing settled down to one continuous rattle. The advancing column paused, and listened to it nam azement. " What can it mean ?" said Colonel Snigger to Major h " Blessed if I know," answered the Major. "It seems enemy were having a fight among themselves." " Perhaps it is a false alarm," suggested Captain Tytler. " Tes, that may be." said Colonel Saigger. " Why should it go on so long ? " asked the Major. This was a poser to which nobody ventured a reply. " Well, whatever it may be," said Colonel Snigger, sagaciously, "it is not ot so much importance to us as the question, what should we do ? Should we advance, or retreat, or stand still ? " " I think we should retreat," said Captain Tytler. " The surprise has failed." " Yes," said the Major, " but the attack hasn't. Let me remind yo i, Captain Tytler, that in a night-attack it is'nt absolutely neccessary you should take the enemy by surprise. Now, for instance, on one occasion during the Peninsular War, the Duke -" " Oh, bother the Duke," interrupted Colonel Snigger. " The question is, what should we do ? I think, advance ! " " I say so to," said the Major. "I obey my commanding officer's orders,' 1 saU Captain Tytler, who was annoyed at the Major's questioning his military knowledge

and now wanted to show that he knew his duty as well as the Major. " Well, we'll advance steadily, and send forwaid scouts to report what is going on in front." " Splendid idea," cried the Major in admiration. " Colonel Snigger, you're a born commander." " Yes," said the Colonel, complacently, " I think I know my business."

Some scouts were sent forward at once, and the main body continued to advance silently and steadily. Before they had gone far, some of the scouts returned, announcing that the roadway in front was blocked with farmers' carts, from behind which and behind the hedges men were firing on a body of troops which appeared to be in the road. The scouts had not approached near enough to ascertain who the attacking party was. It was too dark to make out what their unMJs>>Tm was. is very extraordinary and inexplicable," thought Oolonel ' y^e^Eneasily. "Is it possible I have taken the wrong road, and blunderer! upon operations with which I have nothing to do 1 If that's that's the case what a fool I shall look, and wnat will Snap say ! "

" Speak of the devil ! " Oolonel Snigger had hardly thought of Captain Snap's name when the rest of the scouts came in, and who was with them but the gallant and sartorial Captain himself 1

•• Why, Sam," gasped Colonel Snigger, " what the deuce does this mean ? "

" Listen," cried Captain Snapp, hurriedly, and he whispered a few words into Colonel Suigger's ear.

" Eh, what 1 " exclaimed Colonel Snigger, in amazement. " You don't mean it T "

" It's a fact, confound it," answered Captain Snap. " Are you going to take advantage of it or are you not ? " " Here, lads," shouted Colonel Snigger, ' the leading company follow me at full speed?" In bis hurry, the gallant officer didn't remember the exact word of command, but he knew his men would understand the vernacular quite as well.

In a very few minutes the Volunteers were on the scene of the action. Colonel Snigger could distinguish above the firing the voices of the General and the umpire in argument. Evidently General Slack was being ordered to surrender, and did not like it. Colonel Snigger could hear him cursing and sweariag that he would not give in to a pack of confounded Volunteers. By way of bringinpr him to his senses, Colonel Snigger ordered his men to open fire. Volley after volley was poured into the surrounded force. Then, after a time, Colonel Snigger ordered his men to cease firing, and screamed at the top of his voice — " I give General Slack five minutes to surrender. If he does not do so within that time my men will reopen fire." "He must surrender," aaswered the umpire. " His retreat is cut off, and he's surrounded on all side." " I'm blessed " — the Geneial U3ed a stronger word — "if I surrender." " But you must," argued the umpire. "If this were real war your men would be falling by the score every minute." " But it isn't real war, 1 ' answered General Slack, angrily ; " and I won't surrender." " Absurd I You're reducing the whole thing to a farce. Don't you see that you're iiltogether out-generalled " "D j you me 'n to insult me ?" d-mau l j ri Gene:al Slack. " Look hei' , ih Geivi al 1' snouted colonel Snigger from behind the hedge. '' I tell you one thing — -if you don't surrender, by the Lord Harry, you'll stay where you are for the rest of tlw night." The prospect of spending the night on a ploughed up road and in pelting rain seemed to nave a cooling effect upon General Slack. He began to regard Irs position more reasonably, and, after much grumbling and many curses, he delivered up his sword. * # * * ♦ When the general order came out, a large portion of it was devoted to the night attick. Colonel Snigger and his men were hanasomely complimented on the brilliant way in which that operation was carried out. With perfect truth, the Volunteers were declared to h^ve performed their difficult march in a way th^t veterans might be t >roud of. Colonel Snigger was said to have planned the attack with the greatest sagacity, and carried it out with perfect success. Whether this st,item> nt was as true as the previous one the following little conversation will show. Some time after the event. Captain Snap was having a little confidential chat with the wife of hie* busom. " Why did you laugh, Sam," that lady asked, " when I said to Mrs. Sniggers the other day that her husband was a born soldier ? The recollection of the remark made tUrn laugh again. " I suppose, ' he said, when he had fini bed, " that it was because of his Br<ixby exploit that you said so?" •' Ot course it was," answered Mrs. Snap. "Well, I'll tell you the true story of that," said the gallant captain, " but mind, don't on any account repeat it. When I went down to Doltshire I went, as you know, to old Spuds. My special object in going there was that I wanted Spuds's help to pHy a little trick. I thought it I c >üM get two or three dozen clodhoppers with fowling-pieces I might suipiw 1 . Snigger on his road to Braxby and make him surrender. It stemed a good joke. Well Spuds cottoned to it ; we got the clodhoppers, and s^artod out in one of the darkest and wettest uiglm I ever '^aw. Alter wnding through dirt and ditches for an hour oi sj we got to a road wh eh Spuds Raid was the one from Smggers'a eucarx pmenl to Biaxby. We put carts across it and waited his ainval. A fuice soon came nrircbing alon^ ; from behind the hedge and caits we poured in our fire npou it, it turned to retreat, but befon, it c mid do bo we bad block d the other end of the road with ca-ti-, 00. Oh ! it wa. beautifully done, only " And J^iptam Sn-ip paus-ed. " Only what ? " nsked his wife. " Only we had attacked the wrong force. I never discovered it until one of Suiggei's regiment was c.iught scouting by a clodhopper, and told me Snigger was only then advancing. I, of course.

immediately saw I was in a fix, for as soon as General Slack dif* covered what waa wrong, he'd kick up a row and get me brokenf. In a moment, I perceived my way out of the difficulty. Bushing off to Snigger, I told him to hurry some of his men forward. He did so ; they took the clodhoppers' places, fid General Slack, unable to get away, surrendered to him." " Well, I never I " exclaimed Mrs. Snap. " Only to think you were so clever 1 I never should have imagined it I But, Sam, it's not fair. Mr Snigger haa got all the credit and you none, it teems to me."

" All the credit, perhaps, my dear," replied Captain Snap, " but not all the profit: You see, military renown isn't everything. You must remember I'm a tailor first and a soldier afterwards, and if my exploit has not profited me as a soldier, it is simply making my fortune as a tailor. We're getting our premises extended, you know. Why? Why, all on account of Snigger's reputation. All the Volunteers are proud of him, and come to talk military matters over with him, and before they leave I take care that they talk over tailoring matters with me. Good business, my dear, good business ! "