CAPTAIN DALLIMORE'S WHISKERS.

New Zealand Tablet, Volume XV, Issue 46, 9 March 1888, Page 29

CAPTAIN DALLIMORE'S WHISKERS.

(Prom Truth.)

How many men «Jlter the army solely on account of the uniform ? How many of those who are supposed to be enamoured of the adven. and perils of a soldier's life are enamoured only of the tinsel Bind trappings of a soldier's coat ? It would be interesting to know, "but owing to an unaccountable reticence on the part of those so influenced it is impossible to discover. Still, occasionally there occur cases where, though no confession is made, a shrewd guess may be hazarded that aesthetic considerations had much to do in inducing the gallant warrior to choose a military career. Captain Dalhmore's was one of these. Captain Dalton Dallimore was not a very adventurous, nor a very courageous, nor a very ambitious man, but he was unquestionably a very conceited one. His conceit, however, referred only to his appearance. He never imagined that he was cleverer, braver, or more high-minded than his fellow* ; in fact, his private opinion was that in these qualties he wu rather below than above them. But when it came to good looks —well, every time he glanced in his glass, and that waa pretty often, he felt with a thrill of pleasure, that there he had the advantage of most people. And he was not a bad-looking fellow. He had a rather long face, passably good features, and fairish hair, and he wore a moustache , large mutton-chop whiskers, and a pinoe-net. He was very tall and very slight, and his clothes— which is not always the case even with military men—were obviously made for himself. His appearance was better than his manner ; that was affected and insipid to a degree. He could be induced to manifest nothing but the most languid interest in anybody or anything about him. No matter what was the subject which was occuping the attention of the rest of the company, his attention was concentrated to himself. While the others were jesting, chaffing, or disputing, he was engaged •xaminiug the fit of his jacket or the cut of his overalls, or else softly stroking his moustache, and passing his fingers affectionately through his whiskers. These latter hirsute appendages were the cause of much mockery and heartburning in his regiment. His brother officers strongly disapproved of them. They could understand and sympathise with his devotion to bis moustache ; they all wore moustaches themselves, which they carefully nurtured and tenderly cherished; but he was the only man in the regiment who sported whißkers,and the others regarded his indulgence in them as an unwarrantable licence, not to say breach of dicipline. " Dolly, my boy," one would say, " why don't you shave and look like a Christian?" " Prefers to look like a goat," another would growl. "You see," a third would put in, " he's not very energetic, and the whiskers save him a good deal of work ; with them he has only to waßh half of his face." " If I were the Colonel," a fourth would declare, " he should either shave or leave the regiment." But Captain Dallimore would only laugh languidly at all such coaxing, bullying, and remonstrance. He loved hia whiskers, and was determined not to lose them. Besides, he suspected that envy had something to do with his fellow-officers' disapproval. Captain Dalton Dallimore never regretted his choice of a profession. The Lancer uniform exactly suited his taste and figure. His duties he found light, aad, on the whole, agreeable , while the effect of his lace, spurs, and charger upon the ladies was all that could be deßired. The only drawback he ever found was the fac that his regiment was co frequently stationtd in remote villages, where he had little company, and little opportunity of receiving what he felt was his due of feminine admiration and attention. His delight, therefore, can be imagined when his regiment received orders to leave the obscurity of Braxby for the publicity and gaiety of the Irish metropolis. He had been in Dublin before, and knew what, he had t j expect there— not an occasional dinner at Lord Bioadacre's or Squire Cherry's, or a dance every six months at the Town Hall, but a succesbion of banquets, receptions, and balls, and the admiration and devotion of scores of the prettiest women ia Europe. The gallant Captain was not doomed to disappointment. Dublin proved everything that he had expected. All that was wealthy, beautiful, and fashionable in the city received the Lancers with open arms. ards of iovitaiion from the Castle, Mernon-square, and Old Trinity, came in 6cores to every officer's quarters. From Colonel to Lieutenant, they were all in demand everywhere, but none of them seemea to be quite in so great demand as Captain Dalton Dallimore. It was about a month after the regiment's arrival in Dublin that Captain Dallimore was, alone of all the Lancers, present at a dinner given by Mr. Justice McMurther in his fine house in Fitzwilliam •quare. Judge McMunher was famous for hia dinners, and though Captain Dalton Dallimore knew that there would b 9 no ladies there — the host was a bachelor— and that he would be acquainted with few of the guests, he gladly accepted the invitation. And he did not regret it. A better dinner he had never eaten, and the wines were simply incjmparable. The only thing, besides his appearance, in which Captain Dallimore took an absorbing interest, was his ■tomacb. The company, like the dinner, was the best Dublin could supply. It consisted of some members of the Viceregal household, two peers resident in the neighbourhood of the capital, three judges, aDd several of the most distinguished lawyers, doctors, and capitalists in W IrelanJ. Captain Dalton Dallimore, however, knew very few of them, and the two betweeu whom be sat at dinner did not seem to take much interest in him or his conversation. When, thea, Judge McMurther led tme way into the drawing-room, the gallant captain sat down in a corner, there to digest his dinner in silence. He bad been sitting by himself some time when suddenly it occurred to him that one of the guests was a gentleman he had met before, a distinguished lawyer, Serjeant O'Sherry. The learned

Serjeant had dined on the previous night at the mess, and his oont versation had been most clever and entertaining. Captain Dallimore resolved to renew the acquaintance. He made hia way over to the Serjeant, and holding out his hand affably said : " I think we have met before, Serjeant O'Sherry." The Serjeant rose quickly to his feet, and, bowing very low, said : " I have had that honour, sii ." Captain Dalli more waß surprised and pleased at |the lawyer'g very deferential manner. After a slight pause, Serjeant O'Sherry spoke again ;— M Iwu not aware, sir," he said, " that yoa were one of the company, or I should have paid my respects sooner." " Oh, I suppose," answered Captain Dallimore, more surprised than ever, " you were like myself. I did not at first recognise yoa/' " Ah, that," replied the Sergeant smiling, "ia not strange. -Thajl you should forget so humble a person as myself is not wonderful, bat that I should forget you is." " Really, I don't see it," said the Lancer. "We only met onoe before." " Yes ; but one in my position rarely forgets meeting one ia yours." " In mine ?" repeated Captain Dallimore, " I really don't understand you. My position is in noway remarkable." " Well, really Mr. Kilpatrick " "Kilpatrick 1" repeated Captain Dallimore. " Yes, sir," said the Sergeant, looking very much surprised. -" I understood I was speaking to Mr. Kilpatrick, the Scotch gentleman who is Chief Secretary to the Lord Lieutenant." " Well, really," said Captain Dallimore, laughing, " I aasure yoa I'm no such exalted person. I'm plain Captain Dallimore, of the 87th Lancers." " You don't mean it," cried the lawyer. " It's wonderful ; mar* rellous 1 I never saw such a striking resemblance ! As like as two peas I Same eyes, nose, chin, complexion, moustache, whiskers— especially whiskers 1 Marvellous ! amazing 1 " " Did you take me for Mr, Eilpattick ? " asked Captain Dalli* more, greatly amused. " Take you fur him ? " said Sergeant O'Sherry, vehement " Why, his own mother would take you for him I I never saw anything like it before 1 I remember meeting you, now. It wai'ljjjp night, at mess. Strange that the resemblance didn't strike me then I Ferhaps.it was the uniform made the difference." " Upon my word, you make me laugh," said Captain Dallimore. 11 Well, let me tell you, Captain," said the Sergeant, ; lqwerwf his voice in an impressive way, " it's no laughing matter. I wouldn't be in your shoes for something." " Why ? " asked Captain Dallimore, opening his eyes in amasoment. " Why I Don't you know 1 " " Not 1 1 I'm rather pleased than otherwise to find I'm like «o distinguished a man." " Are you ? Well, I suppose you'er a soldier and don't care, but I'm only a civilian, and for my patt I wouldn't take ten thousand a year and run the risk you do." " Bun the risk I do I—really,1 — really, Serjeant, I do not comprehend." " Don't comprehend 1 Why, don't you know that there are dozen! of men about Dublin looking out for a chance of putting: a bullet into Kilpatrick 1 Now what would happen if they made the same mistake as I did, and took you for him ? " " By George." exclaimed Captain Dallimore, thoroughly startled. " I never thought of that." " Perhaps you'll so >n have reason to do so," said the Serjeant gravely. " It's all right for Kilpatrick himself ; he never goes out unguarded— he takes good care of that — but with you it's different. Tou might get a bullet through you any day." " Upon my word." said Captain Dallimore seriously, " that's quite true. Am I really very like him 1 " "Very like him 1 It's no name for it. Yon're just himself over again. Of course you're a soldier, and a brave man, and so laugh at danger ; but if I were in your shoes, I'd pretty soon make a change in my appearance." " How could I do thai ?" " How I Way as easily as possible. Shave off your moos, tache." Captain Dallimore thought a moment, and then shook his heal. The sacrifice was too great. •' Well, yes," said the Sergeant, in reply to the motion, " I forgot you're a military man, and bo wouldn't like to part with your moostache. Well, let us see. Why not shave off yoar whiskers J That would be nearly as good." Captain Dallimore writhed under the suggestion, but nevertheless he considered it. " That wouldn't be quite so bad," he said at length. " But do you think it would be enough 7 " " Well, it's hard to say," answered the lawyer, " but I'm inclined to think it would. You see, you wear your whiskers exactly as Kilpatrick does. They no doubc do much to produce so striking a resemblance. If you took them off I dare say it would be scarcely noticeable." Captain Dallimore and Sergeant O'Sherry continued talking earnestly until the time for departure arrived. Then they left together, when the lawyer showed how deep and sincere his concern was for the risk Captain Dallimore ran by insisting on accompanying the officer home the whole way to the Royal Barracks. " Even my presence," be said, will add something to your safety, and so I feel it my duty to go with you." All night long Captain Dallimore tossed about unable to sleep. He was tortured by the prospect of a dreadful alternative. It seemed as if he must either shave off his beloved whiskers or go about for the rest of the regiment's stay in Ireland with his life in his hands. Jla thought the matter over and over again, in hopes of discovering some third course, but none appeared. The position seemed to be — Your whiskers or your life I

One small hopa did, indeed, remain. He might not be so very like Mr. tilpatrick as Sergeant O'Bherry thought-. He, himself, had n«ver seen Mr. Kilpatrick, bat ht! had often seen his photograph — it was in every shop-window— and it never bad struck him that there wag any very wonderful resemblance between that distinguished and himself. Now, however, when his attention was called to it he could not. deny that there was a considerable likeness. As Sergeant O' Sherry said, it was partly to ba accounted for by the similar ■pay in which both wore their moustaches and whiskers. But, besides their features, build, and, he believed, height were much the same. There was, undoubtedly, a marked resembUnce between them. That resemblance, however, might not be s» great a? to lead an ordinary person to mistake them. He hoped such might bo the case. He resolved to test it the next morning, and to abide by the result of the trial. Immediately after breakfast, accordingly he made his way to Li 3 chum— the Hon. Frank Terrington's— quarters. Lieutenant Terrington had just finished breakfast. After the usual greetings Captain Dallimore said, in a careless sort of way, " Do you know, Frank, a funny thing happened last night 1 1 wai actually mistaken for a leading public man here." " Leading public men here," said the Hon. Frank, " must look doosed stupid." " But seriously, Frank, I was, and I'm most anxious — curious, I mean— to know it there be really any likeness. Now, would you mind taking a good look at me, and telling me whom you think I'm like ?" The Hon. Frank looked at Captain Dallimore as be was requested, bat in a very languid sort of way. Suddenly he opened his eyes, as if a little startled. " By George J" be exclaimed, '• you are like one of them, though. It never struck me before." " Who is it Frank T" asked Captain Dallimore, with a slight tremor in his voice. •' Why, Kilpatrick, to be sure," answered the Hon. Frank, unhesitatingly. " It'i those blessed whiskers, I think. You've got 'em docked exactly as be has." With a sad heart, Captain Dallimore left his friend's quarters, and went to his own. He bitterly felt that his last faint hope was gone, and that his much-loved and much-admired whiskers must also go. He went to his dressing-room and gazed gloomily into the mirror, and caressed again and again the dear bristles, as be used to do in happier times. Alas, they were doomed I If he had been a braver man he might have clang to them, but he was timid, and would part even with them ratherthan with his life. He took up his razor to remove them, but his heart failed him, and he put ofi the dreaded moment yet a little while. He laid down the fatal instrument, and walked about the room, depressed and miserable, hour after hour. The shades of evening were beginning to fall when a desperate resolve entered his mind. He determined, as a laßt hope, to go out of the barracks to walk about the streets until mess hour, and see if anyone noticed him, or by any word or sign showed that he was taken for Mr. Kilpatrick. With a trembling heart he left the barracks and hurried along the river quay. He was approaching the western wing of the Four Courts, when a ruffianly fellow, who was standing at the end of one of the lanes which run up north frooi the Liffey, cried out at him, " Bad luck to ye for a murthenn' villain ! " With a wild start, Captain Dalliaore turned round and faced the rough. •' Hi 1 " yelled the scoundrel up the hne, ■' Hi, oim down wid ye. Sbure, here's killin' Kilpatrick, tho Coercionist 1 Come and we'll bate him." Captain Dallimore did not wait to explain, nor stop to be " bate," With lightning speed he turned in his course, and darting off towards the Royal Barracks, soon reached the friendly shelter of their walls. Flushed, breathless, and panic*3tricken, he hurried up to hia dressing-room, and, seiaing his razor, cleared his face of his whiskers before it had regained its natural colour. Then he paused and gazed at himself in the glass. He was no longer the same man ; much of his glory had departed, but, under the circumstances, he did not xegret it. He felt sorry, taat •atisfled. As he sat gating sadly at his image in the glass, it occurred to him that he would have to give his brother officers some explanation of his sudden accession to ilaeir wishes It would not do to tell them the real story, for a soldier to shave through fear would, he felt, be disgraceful. What, then, would he say ? He set about inventing a plausible tale, and only settled upon it when the dinner hour arrived. Hurriedly finishing his toilet he hastened to the mess-rcom ■ He was a little late in arriving, and when, blushing and hesitating, he entered all the other officers were there. The moment his face was seen a roar of taughter went up from the table. Roar after roar followed, while Captain Dallimore stood speechless, crimson to the hair. At last it became sufficiently quiet to permit of his speaking. " I'm glad," he said, ttfth a sickly smile, " that my act has met with your approval." Another burst of merriment was the answer. When it calmed down, Captain Dallimore heard Major Berkeley's voice. •' Colonel," he said, as he wiped the tears out of his eyes, " Old O'Sherry has won." "Yee, yes, aod gloriously," replied tbe Colonel, still laughing; "he has done in tniee days what the whole regiment failed to do in twice as many years." A horrible thought flashed upon Captain Dallimore's brain Hurrying up to Lie*enan: Terrington, Be whispered to him :— " Tell mc, Frank, what does all this mean ? " " Why, man," answered the Hon. Frank, still shaking with laughter, ' Why, man, don't yen see ? You're no more like Kilpatrick than you aie like the Prince of Wales. It's all a trick of O'Saerry'e. He bet the Colonel a pony that if we'd assist him he'd make you Bhave inside a week, and that's the way he did it, "