A WOMAN WHO MEANT BUSINESS.

New Zealand Tablet, Volume X, Issue 496, 13 October 1882, Page 13

A WOMAN WHO MEANT BUSINESS.

There is no reason why the inventor of a remedy to " cure the worst case of catarrh, inside of five minutes," shouldn't feel it his duty to place a bottle of the same in everybody's band — price, twenty-five cents; "no cure no pay." Therefore, the long-legged chap who pulled the door-bell on Lexington street the other day, had none of that timidity in his bearing which characterises rag-buyers, lighteningrod men, and beggars and truck pedlars. He had a good thing, and he knew it. When the door opened, and a hard-featured woman, about forty years of age, confronted him, he pleasantly went to business and asked : " Madam, is your husband ever troubled with catarrh ?" " Can a man who has been dead for seven years be troubled with catarrh ?" she firmly replied. " But the children are liable to be attacked any hour this season," he remarked. "Whose children?" " Yours, madam." " I never had any, sir. What brought you here, anyway ? Why do you come asking these questions ?" " Madam, I have compounded a remedy for the catarrh. It is a good thing. I'll warrant it to knock any case of catarrh sky high in less than five minutes." " Well, sir, what is all this to me ?" " Why, madam — why " — he stammered. "Do I look as though I needed any catarrh remedies ?" she demanded, as she stepped out on the platform. '• Madam, I would not have you think for the world that I thought you had the catawh ; but I suppose the fair and lovely can be attacked as well as the brave and strong." " And what have I got to do with all that rigmarole ? Who are you, sir, and what do you want?" " Madam," he whispered, sliding down one step, " I have a compound ready for the catarrh." " Whose catarrh, sir ?" " Madam, I am selling my catarrh — " " Where is your catarrh — where is it ?" she interrupted. He got down on the second step, and softly began : " Madam, I have a cure for the catarrh, and I am selling lots of it." " Well, what do I care ? Must you ring my door-bell, and tell me you are selling lots of catarrh medicine ?" He got down on the walk, clear off the steps, and he tried to look beautiful around the mouth as he explained : " Madam, didn't I ask you if your husband was ever troubled with catarrh ?" " Yes, sir, and didn't I reply that he was dead ? Do you want to see his grave ?" " No, madam, I do not, I'm sorry he's dead, but my catarrh remedy can't help him any. Good-bye, madam." " Here, sir, hold on a minute 1" she called, " what was your business with me ?" " Why I have a remedy for catarrh." " So you said before." " I asked you if you didn't want to purchase, and — " " You are a falsifier, sir — you never asked me to purchase !" %( Do— you — want— a — bottle ?" he slowly asked. " Yes, sir ; give me two of them ; here is your money ! Next time you want to sell your catarrh remedy, don't begin to talk about America being discovered by Columbus. Here you have bothered fifteen minutes and put all my work behind, and its good for you that I didn't bring the broom to the door." He retreated backward through the gate, his left eye squinted up and his mouth open. He shut the f roat gate, leaned over it and looked at the front door. By and by he said : " Darn 'em 1 You never can tell where to find 'em.' I—American1 — American paper.