THE PASSING SHOW

New Zealand Illustrated Sporting & Dramatic Review, Volume XX, Issue 1129, 30 November 1911, Page 4

THE PASSING SHOW

TOPICS OF THE WEEK, BY A CAUSTIC CRITIC.

The elections 'are now close at hand, but unhappily the political issues seem to be hopelessly obscured by the over-shadowing licensing questions. It is, indeed, positively ludcrous how the real interests of this benigned land are relegalbd to the background, while a band of fadists and fan'atics, by their tirades and harangues, drown the plaintive. (?) voices of the would-be statesmen.

Our whole body politic seems to be radically out of joint, and nothing short of a miraculous surgical operation performer under the most potent anasthetics can save the hapless patient. The country has fallen on evil times, and there is no chance of any appreciable improvement until the licensing questions are entirely separated from the elections of Parliamentary candidates.

New Zealand is now dominated by a small band of agitators, and, as a consequence, public life in the Dominion is 'at a very low ebb. It seems quite impossible to induce a fair proportion of self-respecting, intelligent, high-principled and patriotic citizens to offer themselves for election as representatives of the people, and as 'a consequence we find that a large proportion of the candidates now offering themselves for election are self-seeking parochial nonentities —in many cases without the qualifications of a mediocre school committeeman.

Party government, in the true sense of the word, has long since ceased to exist in New Zealand. The system of government now in vogue is for a politician —not a statesman, mark you—to weedle his way into power, assume the premiership, and then conduct the affairs of the country in such a way as to suit the m'asses and silence the agitators. Political bribery has become an honourable attribute of a Cabinet Minister. The spending of public funds where likely to be most productive of votes is the hall-mark of successful finance. The welfare of the country as a whole is no concern of a successful politician in this “Britain of the South.” If a few million sterling can be extracted from the overburdened taxpayer by <a process now familarly known in this country as “chloroforming,” the achievement is considered worthy of a bundle of titles scattered among the satellites of the wizard, who successfully carried out the “filching.”

“A Dreadnought for a baronetcy” apparently epitomises the policy (?) of the Ward Government during its five years of office. Of course, to buy Dreadnoughts to save a tottering Empire, and pay for them with money borrowed from John Bull is certainly a master-stroke of political finance, especially when a baronetcy was given in 'as discount. But a moment’s reflection brings home the poignant fact that for a generation to come this debt-ridden land has to bear the burden of the Dreadnought that bought the baronetcy, and that the baronetcy will not 'be accepted as a colatteral security for lover-due interest when the pinch comes.

What are the issues before the electors? What is the policy of the Government? We positively Cannot answer. At best we can only refer our readers to Old Moore, or some other wonderous seer, although we doubt whether either the issues or the policy could be intelligently defined by reference to theomaucy, cristallomantia. or even psychomacy. To the ordinary elector, therefore, it is absurd to ask if he. or she is going to vote for the Government or Opposition, 'because neither h'ave any definite policy to offer. Consequently the only thing an elector can conscientiously do when he is handed his ballot paper is to endeavour to weight the personal qualifications of the hope-to-be members.

It is at this juncture the long-suf-fering elector is non-plussed. . Weigh. the personal qualifications of candidates,, you' say? Well, that shouldn’t be hard, ’ because they (we mean the qualifications) are mostly of a negative value. "Well, then, all we can counsel is to choose the Candidate

with the. fewest shortcomings. We have had torrents of words from innumerable candidates, extolling their virtues 'and denouncing their opponents but we have heard very little about politics. Therefore we must weigh up candidates according to their personal worth.

In the North most interest centres in the Parnell electorate. For this seat there are three aspirants to Parliamentary honours. Sir John Findlay, “Sammy” Dickson, and Labour-can-didate Mack. It is going to be a stubborn fight. The Seatless Knight is an expert political window-dress.er, and a man with a cranium stuffed full of theories, for the betterment of mankind —including gaol-birds. He h’as left a comfortably upholstered seat in the Home for Indigent Politicians to win a pecarious foothold in the Dower Flouse. From this it may fairly be presumed that Sir John’s motives are honest, and that he has grit. He would unquestionably be a good representative from a monetary point of view for Parnell. As a politician he is an accomplished contortionist. “Sammy” Dickson also is a contortionist of parts but not nearly so finished in the art. He has put in a creditable apprenticeship on loc'al bodies, and would doubtless make as good an M.P., as he has been serviceable as a J.P., which is saying a good deal. Mack is likely to lose his “tenner” deposit. A worthy enough chap, but aspiring too high.

In City Central there are three men and a dog—metaphorically speaking. “Albert Edward” again solicits the votes of “my good people,” and his solicitations will not be in vain. He’s sure to 'be at least second on the poll. His diminutive form is in true ratio to his political abilities, but still he thinks he is a colossal success, so what more does City Central want? “Jimmy” Gleeson is a political colt that promises well. He put up a good trial gallop in the municipal elections, and has been getting through some solid work since, which entitles him to be regarded as a stayer. He is bound to start a strongfavourite, and we anticipate he will score a popular win. Socialist Savage and Prohib. Richardson will have to go hard to save their “tenners.”

In Auckland East, Arthur Myers will romp 'away from Prohib- Withy. The former has been a public benefactor of no mean order, one of our most worthy civic reformers, and a conscientious, hard-working M.P. Withy is a vehement prohibitionist and single-taxer—a, faddist of the deepest dye. Auckland has no use for such.

Ex-Minister George Fowl ds is going to get a run for Grey Lynn. He has Murray, described as an Oppositionist, and Payne, a Labourite, up against him- There may be a second ballot, but the “New Evangel” is likely to go back to Wellington to shepherd 'a new party of fadists. Heaven help the benighted country!

Auckland West is going to provide a spirited contest. “Wowser” Poole is being tackled in his stronghold of wowserism by a. worthy knight in Honest John Bradney, and is almost sure to suffer defeat. Poole has had a fair trial in the “Talking Shop,” 'and as a talker has kept his end up, but as a practical politician he has been an utter failure. Bradney, on the other hand, gives every promise of being a keen representative, and an uncompromising critic, so that the Dominion Parliament will be the better for his presence.

Eden is not likely to go back on John Bollard, who has . been a solid supporter of the Opposition since he first entered the political arena. The veteran heavy weight of the Reform party is opposed by W. J. Sipeight, a nominee of the Cold Water crowd, 'and is an extremist to whom practical politics are. foreign.

“Bill” Mlassey, Reform Leader, and W. F. Lang, his staunch supporter, are both “sure things” for Franklin

and Manukau respectively. Neither chese representatives can be described as carpet-baggers or villagepump politicians; yet both have always done well for their constituencies, besides being acquisition to the national life of the country.

W'aitemata is going to provide a triangular fight and a second ballot. Napoleon Napier is without a doubt the “daddy” of the three so far as political ability is concerned. He, however, is a man who has an unhappy knack of rubbing people up the wrong way, and thus making bitter enemies. Despite this W. J. Napier will doubtless head the poll on the first ballot. Ewan Alison is a youngster at the political game, but comes of good stock, 'and will prove a very had nut to crack.

If Ewan Alison is returned to Parliament, as he probably will be on the second ballot, he 'bids fair to make a dent on the political life of the Dominion, for he has a fund of Gommonsense, and 'an altitude for keen and logical criticism without the taint of personal-feeling. A.. .Harris is the nominee of the Reform party, and a hard-headed, ardent worker, who has made many friends, it the task set him at Waitemata is a tall proposition, and he will have to be content with honourable defeat on this occasion.

Once again the members of the Parnell branch of the Sports’ Protection Association have been made to look foolish by the antics of “Ego” Armstrong. At a public meeting, held on Tuesday night, the Hon. E- Mitchelson absolutely deprived the selfstyled founder of the sports’ protection movement of any right to again represent himself as the mouthpiece of the New Zealand Sports’ Protection League. It now transpires that when R. A. Armstrong started the Parnell branch, it was done presumably only for political purposes, and the impertinent attitude adopted in presuming to call a public meeting “to select Parliamentary candidates,” w'as apparently done on Armstrong’s own initiative. At all events the questions submittted to the candidates had not been ratified by either tne. executive of the N.Z.S.P.L., nor the recognised leader of the movement in the Auckland province.

The Auckland president put -the position very concisely when he said: What was wrong with Mr. Armstrong was that he not only wanted •-Q run the Auckland branch, but the Board of Control as well.” This, of course, has been our contention from the start, and for saying it we were threatened with a writ and other dire penalties. We, however, were not perturbed by the threats. Instead, we continued to criticise the public attitude ’of Armstrong, knowing full well that all the time we could have, with perfect justice, been far more remorseless in our denunciations of his methods. Subsequent events have fully justified what we wrote, and now that he has been practically censured by the leaders of the N.Z.S.P.L. we will allow that .gentlem'an 'to sink into oblivion.

We welcome another embryo weekly paper for the Queen City. Frank H. Burbush last week published the first number of “The Athletic Field,” his portrait and his sporting career. The first is a creditable penny-worth of good white paper, neat typography and readable athletic intelligence; the second is worthy of the modest editor; but the third eclipses anything we have yet seen in cold print. Carbine’s record, or even the All Blacks triumphant tour could not hold a

candle to it. We propose to honour it with a frame.

The inset of Vol. 1 No. 1 of “The Athletic Field” is truly a remarkable leaflet. It sets forth as “appended facts” the sporting career of Frank H.‘ Burbush, Editor. We must apologise to our readers that space will not permit of us reproducing this “‘sporting career’’’ in extenso. How- : ever,’ the' following excerpts will suffice to indicate what a trustworthy

journalist and distinguished sportsman sits in the editorial chair of “The Athletic Field.”

“Rugby Football: . . . Has attended and reported every big match and almost every Auckland Rugby Union Committee meeting for the past four years.”

The latter certainly must have provided relaxation from intelligent thought. “Cricket: Son of Wellington and Nelson representative cricketer. . . .

Attended and reported every big game, with one exception;; -in past ■ three years.”

Surely qualification enough for selection in some primary school eleven! Was the exception when Frank McNeill scored the century at the Shore? “Hockey: Promoted the game in Manawatu .... delivered lectures on the game.” Hockey still survives! “Bowling: Attended and reported all big tournaments held during the past three years.” And we really thought Frank H. Burbush was a temperate man. What an example for the “Trade” to hold up to their wowser friends. “Racing: Was in close touch for 18 months with Mr. Walter Armstrong, owner of the steeplechase mare Dromedary. Was also connected with Mr. Joe Hayward at the time he imported the English stallions, Soult and Gold Reef.”

What further qualificatiohs could a sporting scribe aspire to? :

In all humbleness we offer “ The Athletic Field” a long life and a merry one. And if we do not presume too much, we venture to assure the public that if they will buy a copy of “The Athletic Field” each week they will soon come to appreciate the cares and tribulations inseparable from sporting journalism.

Powelka has apparently given the police the slip successfully on his last escape from the Terrace Gaol. No one will deny that Joe was a pretty cool customer, and gained his liberty -in a most auklaC|ous way; but apparently they had 'a gaol-bird over in Australia that takes the palm for cheekiness. He was a late inmate of the Goulburn G'aol, N.S-W.

Pie was a long-sentence prisoner named Sterling, and a tailor by trade. The authorities employed him making warder’s uniforms. Sterling made himself a similar uniform on the sly, manufactured an excellent moustache out of an old brush. Dressing in the uniform, and donning the faked moustache, he seized an opportunity to coolly mount the gaol-messenger’s horse, and, after taking a careless turn round the yard, rode unchallenged and unsuspected through the entrance gate. It was discovered later that the uniform he wore was reversible, and became an ordinary street suit when turned inside out. Sterling had bad luck, and was captured, but his escape was the cleanest and cheekiest thing of the kind on record south of the Line.

Some people are fortunate in everything they touch, while others, 'again, cannot do right. A case in point occurred recently in Wellington (says "The. Dominion”). In one of the big Government offices a sweep was promoted on the Melbourne Cup, and one clerk, .who bought two tickets, drew The Parisian and Cadonia.

They are telling this story of a bushman who put up for Cup Week at a Bourke-street hotel (says a Melbourne exchange). The room next td his Was occupied by another bushie, a good deal like himself in the matter of hair and whiskers and general facial characteristics. On Cup night Tom went to bed decidedly squiffy. He woke up in the still small hours with a hideous thirst, and prowled ddwmst'airs seeking refreshment. About twenty minutes later the man in the next room awoke to find Tom standing at his bedside scratching his. head and staring in amazement at the man in the bed. “Thunder ’n’ lightnin’!” whispered Tom. “I cud iv shworn I went ’ down fer a dthrink. Am I twins?”