SCRAPS.

New Zealand Illustrated Magazine, 1 December 1904, Page 251

SCRAPS.

A POWERFUL PICK-ME-UP.

HE excitement at the wharf was intense. iSale day, Christmas week, and not a beast to be got for love or money. Butchers ramping. Suddenly the long-expected schooner "Albatross/ with a deckcargo of fifteen head from the Waimea Eiver Station, swung alongside the

wharf. vociferous voices demanded they should be landed in doublequick time. Two hours after usual sale time, and the auctioneer and

his customers were equally impatient. The gangway was run ashore, improvised pens knocked down, and everything ready but the cattle. The weather had been exceptionally rough, and to the consternation of the skipper not a beast could be got to rise from its recumbent position. One and all were in the last stage of sea-sickness, and everybody knows what that is. " Darn my snout !" exclaimed the

burly skipper. " Who ever heard o' cattle bein' taken this way afore ? What's to be done now ?" " Give 'em a 'our or two spell, then they'll go ashore as fresh as paint/ replied the mate. " Hour or two !" snorted the skipper. " Why I bet Bill Jones a new hat I'd have 'em here in time for this ere sale, and the bell rung afore we come alongside !" " Can't see no other way to fix it, any road !" said the philosophicmate,, spitting thoughtfully over the rail.

Chorus of impatient butchers i " Look slippery, there ! Haul 'em out ! Should a been skinned by this time !" " Well I'm jiggered !" groaned the skipper. " Fifteen lovely head o' cattle too sick to walk ashore ! A pretty kettle o' fish as ever I see'dV' Suddenly his face lit up, and he slapped his hand vigorously on his thigh. "'l've got it, Bill, darned if I

haven't ! Struck it in one act ! What these 'ere beasts wants is a pick-me-up ! It'll set 'em on their feet properly." " But where are you goin' to get it, old man V " Til soon fix tliat," exclaimed the excited skipper. " Call a couple o' boys here to shift the lazarette hatch !" No sooner said than done, and the skipper dived in and rummaged amongst the cargo, returning

triumphantly with a case in his arms. " Quick, rip her open, and we'll get to work '/' he exclaimed. The lid was wrenched off in the wink of an eyelid, disclosing rows of tightly-packed bottles, labelled " Painkiller." " Great snakes \" cried the mate, " you don't mean to " '' You bet I do !" interposed the excited skipper. " You can't lick it ! A bottle each '11 make 'em

skip ashore like kittens ! Blowed if it won't ! Bear a hand, lads !" The men held the beasts' heads up in turn, and the skipper poured the painkiller down their throats. k cheer rose from the little group of spectators on the wharf. " Bully for Capt'in Jack \" they cried as they craned their necks to watch the result. Half the beasts had been dosed, and the skipper was lustily wrestling with an exceptionally severe

case of prostration, when the iirst patient bounded to his feet with the snort of a fog-horn. A wild glare was in his bloodshot eyes, and pain-killer-flecked foam Hew from his open jaws. In two hounds he cleared the gengway, tail on end. The spectators climbed two-deep up the lamp-posts, or took headers overboard in the ur. seemly haste of their departure. Giving vent to a succession of awe-inspiring bellows, the beast

cracked on full sail and bore down like ten thousand bricks on the .sale-yard, where the auctioneer was already sellim?' y. few stores. In the twinkling of an eye the place was deserted. Buyers and sellers sprinted madly in all directions. Every roof was lined with panting- figures, every tree was bending with their weight. Suddenly another infuriated beast hove in sight, followed by the whole

fifteen, madly racing up and down the street in search of gore. Apt at emergencies, the auctioneer made his appearance on the roof of the King's Arms with a bottle in one hand and his hammer in the other. The excitement was at its highest. From tree- top and roof -ridge it rippled unceasingly. " FU sell 'em flying, gents \" exclaimed the auctioneer. " Look at

their ma^nifccnt condition ! Recognise their extraordinary ability ! There's Christmas beef for you ! They're out and out the smartest, the liveliest, the spryest lot of beef cattle ever seen in this port !'' It was undoubtedly the sale of his life, A perfect cyclone of biddingfollowed his appeal, and fabulous prices resulted. As the last beast was knocked down, carried away by the exoite-

inent of the moment, the knight of the hammer, forgetting his unstable position, drained the bottle, and fell over with a crash into the backyard. A fat old cook fortunately broke his fall and saved his neck. That night the schooner " Albatross " set sail on her return voyage; with the balance of the painkiller under hatches, and from the stirringsounds of revelry that arose, a few dozen of something yet more pick-me-uppish in the cabin.