How Charley Won His Wife.

New Zealand Illustrated Magazine, Volume 1, Issue 6, 1 March 1900, Page 17

How Charley Won His Wife.

By H. Crespigny

Illustrated

young, I was considered a m Ifptl/I; ver y P re^J boy, and was always T y Jj&yO told that I was meant to be a [^MJhnj &"''• When about twenty-one years old, I was staying one long vacation with some military friends, then quai'tered in Ireland. In the regiment there was a certain Captain Dundee, a heavy, stupid fellow, who prided himself upon being very sharp, and used to boast that nobody could take him in, and that he could recognise a person in any conceivable disguise. I was very intimate with Captain Dundee, and so far from thinking him very sharp, I was always chaffing him for his stupidity. One evening at mess, when Dundee was not present, bets were made that I could not pass an evening in his company, dressed as a lady, without his discovering the trick. I betted that I could. My particular chum took my side, and it ended in very heavy wagers being laid, and I felt that their losing or gaining a fortune depended entirely on me. As the day drew near, these bets were doubled, and I trembled for the result. I may mention that, though I did not know it, almost all these bets were fictitious, and only proclaimed for the sake of keeping me up to .the mark. In fact, those concerned had made up their minds to have what they called a jolly lark, regardless of consequences, and were afraid of my backing out. As it was, I felt that about fifteen thousand pounds in bets depended on my getting through my character as a young lady. Captain Dundee had married a larky, devil - may - care Irish girl, whose worst faults rose from thoughtlessness aud some slight lack of refinement, the sort of girl to rush into a scrape, little thinking or caving

by H. E. Taylor

about how she would got out of it successfully. The bet was to the elt'eet that the first evening 1 Mr. Fenwick could get an invitation for himself and an imaginary niece, Miss Fenwick, to dine with the Dundees, 1 was to personate, or attempt to personate, the niece, and successfully deceive Captain Dundee till the party separated, however late the hour might be. Without my knowledge, Mrs. Dundee was let into the secret; hence all my trouble. She, in her wild Irish way, entered heartily into the joke, and at once determined to make confusion worse confounded. In a few days Fenwick received a note, stating that Captain and Mrs. Dundee requested the pleasure of the company of Mr. and Miss Fenwick to dinner in a quiet way on the 10th inst. Only one or two brother officers were coming. The fatal day arrived, and. l was still under the impression that thousands depended on the result, and that Mrs. Dundee was as ignorant as her husband of my intended appearance. Imagine me with a profusion of false, black curls, a flower or two stuck here and there, no end of lady's jevvollory — rings, brooches, etc., a thin muslin dress, with high body (I made a point of that), and my faco daintily painted. In fact, I was altogether very skillfully made up by a professional specially obtained for the purpose. Partly to keep my courage up to the sticking point, and partly because I know that in my assumed character I must not drink much wine, 1 imbibed a considerable quantity before I started. Moreover, in a secret pocket ! con* cealed a small flask of brandy, which I hoped to be able to consult on the sly. At table I played my part well. I talked

and flirted audaciously, chattered about beld my tongue ; I was umvittingly rushing dancing, and protested I was mad about balls, headlong to destruction. I drank as much Unhappy wretch that I was, I wish I had champagne as I dared in my assumed

character, and thought everything was going on swimmingly, and that my friends were sure to win their money. Scarcely had the cloth been removed, when Mrs. Dundee said : "I have a pleasing surprise for you all, good people. A few days ago, I received an invitation from Sir George and Lady Connel to a ball at their house this evening, with permission to bring any of my friends. Sir George lives twelve miles off. Dundee has secured the large omnibus from the inn, and ordered four horses, and we are to start at nine o'clock. We can all go together ; we shall have a jolly evening, and I am delighted to think, Miss Fenwick, that you will have such an excellent opportunity of enjoying youi'self ! " Great Powers ! how my heart sank within me! My bet held good unHI we all separated. All was lost unless I could think of some excuse. I knew I could never get through a ball. I pleaded my dress being high, and not suitable for a ball. "My maid shall fix you up with one of my evening dresses," said Mrs. Dundee. "No, that she shan't !" I almost shrieked, then faltei'ed, "excuse me — I mean — no, thanks! If I must go, I will go just as I am ! I have a very delicate chest, and the doctors have forbidden me to wear low dresses." "Perhaps, dear, you would like her to dress your hair differently? She is very clever." "Oh no, thank you! ' said I; and most bitterly did I, inwardly, abuse my luck, as I almost gasped : "If you have a spare room where I eou'ld wash my hands and put my hair straight myself, I would be very much obliged." I was shown into a room, and sat down the very picture of despair. It now occurred to me that what was, to say the least, a not very creditable joke amongst larky brother officers, would be very dishonourable if practised on society at large ; that it would be very wrong of me to go to a ball at Sir George's disguised as a young lady ; that I might get into some awkward scene, and be the unintentional means of causing pain to

ladies. I doubted in my mind whother I had better bo taken suddenly ill, and have myself convoyed home, ov whether I should send for Mrs. Dundee, and make a clean breast of it — little dreaming the part sho herself was playing ! But then my friends would lose their money. What was to be done ? Just at that moment my hand unluckily touched the pocket in which was my flask. To pull it out and drain it was the work of a moment or two. My courage returned at once ; my spirits rose only too rapidly. I would go through it, I would win ! My scruples vanished into thin air-- 1 forgot them. [ was not drunk, only slightly excited . When the lady's maid onterod with (ho water, brushes, etc., I remember I was strongly tempted to chuck her under the chin, and ask her to get some more brandy. The mere thought, however, steadied me at once, as it struck mo how nearly I had made a mess of the whole matter. I sat down before the glass, touched up my hair, composed my flushed face to the best of my ability, rinsed my mouth with Eau do Cologne to remove the smell of brandy, and put scent on a new lace pocket handkerchief 1 had borrowed from Mrs. Dundee. I had often acted a lady's part in private theatricals, and was up to most of the moves of the game. When \ descended to the drawing-room, Mrs. Dundeo looked me over. Oh, how I shuddered when she touched one of my coils of hair, and wished to put in a hair pin ! Knowing as she did my assumed chnractcr, sho must have been highly amused at tho way in which I said, "Oh, please don't ! I hate all linishirfg touches of any kind !" In duo course of time the 'bus came round, and we drove to Sir Georgo Connel's. My spirits again sank to zero; I feared I should not be able to keep up my character, and instinctively I again felt that I was doing wrong. There were, of course, several of my military friends in tho room who wore in the secret, and danced with me. Anyone who had overheard us would have been amazed at our conversation. " Ered, my boy, when will supper be ready?

Do take me to a room where I can get something to drink !" " Can't do it, old fellow, at any price ; you would be found out,- and I should lose my money. You must get on as best you can without liquor." " But lam dying with thirst ; I can't hold out till supper time, and my pluck is oozing out at my finger ends. I feel lamin a mess, and I am sure I shall put my foot in it, and be discovered, if I don't get some stimulant to keep me up."

Supper was at last announced, and I felt better. I got Fred to take me in ; any partner not in the secret would have been perfectly amazed to see how much I ate, and how many glasses I drank when I thought nobody was noticing. Fred watched one side of the table, and I the other. When he thought it was safe he gave me a kick, and when I was satisfied I was not watched on my side, down went the champagne in the twinkling of an eye. At length the company began to disperse, for it had commenced raining, and an awful thunderstorm was evidently coming on.

Soon the storm broke, it was something frightful, and after the thunder and lightning had spent itself, the rain came down in torrents. Sir George and Lady Connel would not hear of the few guests who remained going home. The house was very large — "the young ladies could sleep two in a room," (oh, how my heart sank !) "and the bachelors could rough it for once on the soft cushions in the billiard room," was the verdict. Mrs. Dundee easily persuaded her husband to stop. What on earth was Itodo ? My face showed the state of mind I was in, for one of my friends came and whispered to me : " Keep your pluck up, old boy, a few minutes more and you will have won your bet, for you are sure to be separated from old Dundee." The sleeping arrangements were soon made. Of course, unless compelled by circumstances, I was not to state who I was. In a few moments I found out that I was to sleep alone in a tiny liltle bedroom close to that of Captain and Mrs. Dundee. "Good-night, Lady Connel." " Good-night, my dear Miss Fen wick, I hope you will sleep comfortably." My conscience smote me as the kindhearted old lady kissed my forehead. I was alone in my bedroom, I had not locked my door. I sat with my elbows on my knees in a most unlady-like position, my head filled with most unmaidenly thoughts. A knock at the door. " Come in !" 1 cried, thinking it was the lady's maid, and that I would quickly dismiss her. But 1 was wrong. Radiant with beauty, robed in a charming dressing gown, with her lovely hair hanging to her waist, there entered a young lady, Miss Evenlode by name, to whom I had been introduced during the evening. I had taken an immense fancy to her, and would have given worlds to have created a favourable impression on her, and here was the result of my consummate piece of folly ! "My dear Miss Fenwick," said she, " excuse my. entering in this unceremonious manner. I have been undoing my hair in

Aunt Oonnell's room, and just looked in to have a cosy chat with you, and quiz our partners. Hasn't it been a delightful dance ? I had such trouble avoiding being seen by those horrid men as I slipped along the passage." In my horrible embarrassment I groaned almost audiblyj and shivered with shame as she rattled on, the subdued light in the room alone prevented her from observing my discomfiture. I was so confused that I could not for the life of me tell what was the right course to pursue. Another knock at the door, and Mrs. Dundee entered without waiting for permission. " I know what is the matter," she said. "I have kno»n the secret all along. Miss Fenwick and Miss Evenlode please pardon me for the fix I have rather unwittingly led you into. Miss Evenlode, Miss Fonwick is a man and a gentleman!" she added with emphasis. " His being here in this disguise, lias been brought about by a chain of circumstances quite unexpected by him,

and certainly not autieipatcd by mo. Miss Fenwick, who is in reality Mr. Charles Tennant, will leave early to-morrow with mo. I will stop my husband's mouth. You can tell Lady Comiel to-morrow that when you came to Miss Fenwick's room you found it empty. If your aunt thinks at all about it, she will think that Mr. Tonnant was a gentleman, and never went into his room at all, but contrived to shift- for himself elsewhere." Miss Evenlode foil in with the plan, which, under the circumstances, was a wise one. Then I found words. " Miss Evcnlodo," I said, " 1 grieve that through my folly you should be in such a tix. Will you ever forgive mo ? " "Mr. Charles Tennant," shesaid, laughing, "do not trouble yourself about, me. I think you have already been punished Kuflioiontly, for you are certainly the most embarrassed of us all." The Miss Evcnlodc of those days is now Mrs. Charles Tennant.