Anecdotes and Sketches.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XLVIII, Issue 20, 13 November 1912, Page 71

Anecdotes and Sketches.

GRAVE, GAY, EPIGRAMMATIC AND OTHERWISE,

A Vivid Picture. OF all "aptitudes,” the mechanical is least likely to manliest itself in a feminine brain. The young woman whoso vi-it to a. locomotive works is described in "Young's Magazine,” was doubtless interested in wlrat she saw, but her account of the processes observed leaves threader to doubt her entire understanding of them. “You pour.” she told a friend, “a lot of “and into a lot of boxes, and you throw old stove lids and things in “” * furnace, and then you turn the red-hot stream into a hole in the sand, and evil J body yells and shouts. Then you pour it out, let it cool 'and pound it, and then you put in it a thing that.bores holes in it. Then you screw it together, and paint it. and put steam in it, and it goes splendidly, and they take it to a drafting-room and make a blueprint of it. , ‘ Hut one thing J forgot—they have to make a boiler. One man gets inside and •me gets outside, and they pound frightfully, ami they tie it to the other thing, and you ought to see it go! -•> •?> Self Restraint. It was a very hot day and the fat man "ho wanted the 12.20 train got through 'he gate at just 12.21. The ensuing handicap was watched with absorbed interest bmh from the train and the station platform. At its conclusion the breathless sou perspi>ing one "Wearily took the back • •ail, ami u vaeant-faeed youth came out ♦0 relieve him of his grip. ''Mister,” be inquired, “was you tlyin’ to ketch that train?” "No, my son,” replied the patient man. No; l was merely chasing it out Of the yard.”

A Modest Tribute. In an equal suffrage parade in England, banners were carried bearing portraits of women of accomplishments through the ages. At the very end of the procession (where, of course, the women could not see him) came a lone man with a sense of humour. This individual bore a pike, from which hung a large fig leaf, framed, and at the top of which-was an apple—a modest tribute to Eve, who had been quite overlooked in this brilliant galaxy.

Beading Question. She: If you could have only one wish, wliut would it. be? He: It would be that-—that -Oh, if I only dared to tell you vvliat it would be! She: Well, go on. Why do you suppote J brought up the wishing subject? Too Candid. Grown old in the service ~f his master and mistress, James was a privileged retainer. He was waiting at table one day, when a guest asked for a fish fork. Strangely enough, the request was ignored. Then the hostess noticed the episode, and remarked in a most peremptory manner: "Janies, Mrs Jones hasn’t a fish fork. Get her one at once!” •' Madam.” ‘ came the emphatic reply, “last time Airs Jones dined here we lost a fish fork.” .lames has now been relegated to the garden.

It Did Not Matter. They were on their honeymoon and' were spending it amidst the mountains of Switzerland. Nearly every day they attempted to climb to a fresh height. Flushed with triumph, parched and scant of breath, they had at last gaiued the summit of a lofty peak. Phen they paused. “ There I” exclaimed the wife when she. had finished panting. “W" have tramped all this distance to admire this beautiful view and we’ve forgotten the glasses! “Never mind, darling.' replied the husband. taking a small Il;»—k out of his pock.-t. “There's no one about. We ■an drink as well out ol the bottle. True Hospitality. They were strolling players at lea-t. that’s what they called themselves. Their talent was as -mall as their elints wengreat. To add to this, they arrived at the little country town minus their costumes and rather hazy as to their lines. However, the -performance took place, albeit it was a "frost" of the worst description. They expected a le.iiliil roasting from the reporter of the paper, am! there was a rush the next morning for the local sheet. But. with true hospitality to strangers, the following paragraph appeared: “The company appear ed last night at the Town Hall in 'East Lynne.’ The. ventilation of the theatre was perfect, and the orchestra rendered a number of pleasing selections.’ t •? ? Never Satisfied. “Some men,” writes a col respondent, “are never satisfied. I was talking to .in old farmer about his bumper crop of hay. “ ■ You've broken al' records, haven t you ?’ I said. “ 'Yes, sir,’ ho answered ; I’ve broken all records for hay, and no mistake.’ - -Good I’ said I. ’ Good ! And let me tell you it's a pleasure to meet for one a perfectly satisfied farmer.' " The old man chewed a straw ruediUlively. ” ‘Well, I don’t go so far as to say 1 tn perfectly satisfied,’ he replied. ‘ Yon see, I ain’t got a bale of bad hay thin year lo feed the dry cows on,' “