Anecdotes and Sketches.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XLVII, Issue 20, 15 May 1912, Page 71

Anecdotes and Sketches.

GRAVE, GAY, EPIGRAMMATIC AND OTHERWISE,

A Good Start. VBBER plantation companies are favourite forms of speculation in 1, London, they are so easily be- \ gun. Mr. liarcourt, at the finish North Borneo dinner, said that a < ity Iriend of his was approached with a view to floating a rubber company. His friend was quite ready. “How many trees have you?” he asked. “We have not got any trees.*’ was the answer. “How much land have yon got?” “We have no land.” “What, then, have you got?” “I have a bag of seeds.” Equal to the Situation. An old man (if being 93 is old) walked along Kearny Street somewhat laborious!v- Although feeble physically, there was an air of prosperity about him. That was what attracted the attention <f a “touch” artist. “•Say.- nils ter,*’.- said the tramp, coming up. “could yon help a poor fellow to get a meal t” The old man looked him over and then ex laimed: “You ought to be ashamed of yourself, coming to me for help. Evidently you don’t know that I am an r.rfdian.” — San Eran iseo < hronicle. Aa Woiueu Only Can. At a rebear-al the other dav. the |<iodmrr wa- not *ati-lied with the contempt that a leading lady was putting into a certain speech. "More contempt!*’ he said. More, spite! Afore venom!*’ “Oh. 1 can’t do any better than Pain.*’ •aid th<* lady. “Rubbish! Of course yon cawr>” < med the producer. "Hiss the lines as vou’il his- the word ‘Musqudsh!’ If you saw. a lady friend in a Jong, imitation sealskin coat.”

Preferred a Nightshirt. One hostess who larked tact at dinner placed a learned and somewhat deaf college professor beside a debutante. The girl found the professor very unresponsive. but finally she noticed a di*h of fruit, ami in desperation asked if he liked bananas. After being asked several time* to repeat the question, her voire being raised each time, attracting the attention of the whole table, she was horrified when the learned man riveted her with a disapproving look, ami remarked very distinctly: “My dear young woman. 1 hftd hoped that I had misunderstood your question: but, since vou persist, 1 must say that 1 prefer tire old fashioned nightshirt. ’’

An O. Henry Story. Robert E. Davis, editor of the “Munsey Magazines, ’’ on one occasion went visiting with <>. Henry down on Long Island. "It was a very hot day,” said Davis. "We had climbed an everlasting hill. Another greater hill stretched before ms. 'Die sun was a di.-e of brass, ami dust ami heat and flicking insects rose from the ground. We sat on a fence to rest. “Is there an\tiling else I can show you?’’ I asked him. “Yes,*’ said Henry, wiping his forehead. "Show me a return ticket to N«*w York.” <s> <£> «$> Laboncihere Stories. Every <»m* just flow is telling stories of Labotivhri <• ami reminding themselves of liie innumerable incidents of his career tiiat never failed to procure a ripple of national laughter. I’pon one occasion he moved to di-eontiniio the practice of reading prayers to the House of Common*. "For five hundnsl years,” he said, “wp have been praying for the Divine guidance ami aid. and her Majesty’s present ministers are the result. It woiibl surely be well to stop these pra \ vrs lest some worse thing

befall n*.” Dming the famous Brad 1 - laugh discussion he referred Io himself as “the (h rist ran mom her for North* ampton,” as distinguished from his colleague, Mr. BraiMaiigh, ami upon another occasion lie <lcsrribe«l Gladstone as “not only holding the trump-card up liis sleeve, but insisting that the Almighty ;n( it there.*’ “ I'he Argonaut.’’ The Greater.- Need. It’s a great mistake to give o.ii friends wedding presents that are above their station and their mean*. This mistake was well 'brought home at Whiteridge’s the other dav. A pretty creature, a bride evidently, -idled up to the manager and said: “Do yon exchange wedding presents?’’ “Certainly, madam, if they were bought here,” ho replied. ’•Then,’’ she said, blushing a little, “I’d like you, please, to lake back a set of russia leather automobile trunks. I’ll take the amount out in tinned goods from yom p.iovnioji department.” <•> <i> Navigation Not Good. When the Armenian mammies were vomuia.'iiiiiig tin- interest ami -ympathy «»f the civilised world, a newspaper correspondent rushed vx 'itedly one day into 1 he oilice of the I nited '*lat<s Assistant Secretary of State with the .piestion: "Mr. Se. ret ary, will \on tell im deiimt’ely whether or not th. I'nited State* government will semi any battleships to Armenia?” “No -hip- will hr *cnl there.’’ replied Adn-. with gnat gravity. “Navigati<m, I am informed, ha- iiot l»rrn goo<l in the vn init v «d Ararat -im e the time of Noah** ark.” Maui run’s Mistake. “How cold yuiir ip*r i*! u * These w<nd* came hem tJie d.uiglit< r of the hoiii-e, who w.i- -illing in the ppi lour wit li hri bean. “Is I'owsei .jii I|ic pailoiir again?’ d<manded her ni<»ih<*f hoiu the uuxt. room "No, niotliei ; r r6w*ei isn’t in the par lour.” And then Mileino resinned its reigß.

THE JUFFEIIEXCK. a- l«»t* vf-difference between an nnfo nn«] a bor*v.*’ ‘Tug'll! jvu arc. They kick at different enda. ’