Anecdotes and Sketches.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XLVI, Issue 13, 29 March 1911, Page 71

Anecdotes and Sketches.

GRAVE, GAY, EPIGRAMMATIC AND OTHERWISE.

Serious Business. TYXY'y HERE’S your father?” asked //I the nuan on horseback. IJF 1 “Up the river fish in’,” answered the boy. “Where’s your big brother?” “Down the river fishin’.” “What are you doing?” “Diggin’ bait.” “Hasn’t youir family anything to do but amuse' itself?” “Mister, if you think we’re doin’ this for fun, you wait an’ hear what maw says if we come home without any fish.”

Rejected With Thanks. An amusing story is told of a young chap employed on one of the monthly magazines who was called upon to place rejected manuscripts with return slips into envelopes, seal and mail them. Among the manuscripts, the editor had carelessly left a wedding invitation and addressed envelope in which it was his intention to send an acceptance. , The bride’s mother had prided herself on the fact, that her daughter's wedding invitations were the most expensively correct to be.had, and being quite ignorant of literary usage, imagine her astonishment on receiving a set of her daughter’s wedding cards, erushed into an envelope 'much too small for them, and accompanied by a slip of blue paper on which.was printed the following: Dear Madam: • "We are returning the manuscript which you were kind enough to submit to us, having found it unavailable. The rejection of material does not necessarily show lack of merit, but merely that it is unsuited for our purpose. Wo thank you, however, for favouring us, and -will be glad to examine anything else you may care to submit.”

The New Magistrate. A newly-made magistrate was gravely absorbed in a formidable document. Raising his keen eyes, lie said to the man who stood patiently awaiting the award of justice: “Officer, what is this man charged with?” “Bigotry, your worship. He’s got three wives,” replied the officer. The new justice rested his elbows on the desk and placed his finger tips together. “Officer,” he said somewhat sternly, “what’s the use of all this education, all these evening schools, all the technical classes an’ what not? Please remember, in any future like ease, that a man who has married three wives has not committed bigotry, but trigonometry. Proceed.”

Forgetful People. / “That letter I gave you this morning, did you post it?” asked the wife, looking at her husband out of the corner of her eye. \ “No, dear, I did not,” said the man, boldly. “Of course you didn’t. And I told you it was important that it should go today.” “Yes, dear.” “And of course you forgot to post it. If that’s not just like.a man!”. “But, dear ” “Don’t ‘but’ me. I’m angry.” . “But. dear, look here at the letter. You forgot to address it!”

Warning. The first heat of the famous hare and touboise race is a matter of history. The bookmakers were up in t.he air. The tortoise—a 100 to 1 shot—had won under a pull. The 'entries were at the post for the second heat. Calling the hare to the judge’s stand, the official starter spoke thus: “Take it from me. hare, if you lose this time, that gag about being drugged won’t go. See?”

Honesty. The Personage toyed with her lorgnette. “Have you any children?” sho asked by way of introduction. The Housewife trembled. Dared she confess the truth, with all there was at stake? And still she could not lie. “Yes!” she faltered faintly. The Personage started, stared, and at length burst out laughing. “Your honesty,” she protested, “is in such refreshing contraat with much that I encounter that, by way of showing my appreciation, I will accept employment with you. provided, of course, that I shall have Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays free, with the use of the entire lower part of the house at any time to entertain company.” That evening the Housewife, in a hushed voice, told her Husband of her great, good fortune. He was deeply affected. "Honesty is the best policy!” he exclaimed, with glistening eyes.

The Real Bos*. "Your clerks seem to be in a good humour,” remarked the friend of the great merchant. "Yes,” replied the great merchant. “My wife has just been in, and it tickles t bem to death to see somebody boss me around.”

Hospitality. There were four of them, all radiant as the dawn ; —lovely girls, in short; yet only three of them wept eopiou-ly. The play went to its harrowing artistic lini-di, with love dofeateu and villainy triumphant, and three of tun party poured out their very souls in tears; but the fourth sat unmoved throughout. Was it that a cold lieart reigned within yon fair bosom? She divined our misgivings. “Those girls were my guests!” she explained, simply. Guests? We were still at a loss. “Whv, y<*! We hail no idea that the play would be so sad-; ami so wo didn't bring handlferebiQs Enough for all of us to <.y itijo. U* course, it was my place, being th” hostess, ■.to yield to my guests!” quoth the beautiful creature.