Anecdotes and Sketches.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XLV, Issue 25, 21 December 1910, Page 75

Anecdotes and Sketches.

SHAVE, GAY, EPIGRAMMATIC AND OTHERWISE.

Something Within His Means. Off GAUDILY attired, effeminate- | acting young man entered a y J noted jewellery store, and in glib, speech informed one of the clerks that he* wished to purchase a nice Christmas present for his sweetlieart. He had no idea as to just what lie wanted, but, whatever it would (be, it must ibe a -suitable token of his. esteem for her, and, at the same time, come within his salary. J “What, may I ask,” inquired the clerk, “is your salary!’’ » ‘Thirty shillings a week,” was the prompt reply. “Young said the clerk kindly, but firmlyjj.ffyihii’ve struck the wrong place. Youjflhffipl'.what you want just around the 'corner at the toy shop.” : <s> <•><•> Tn Luck. He was.- a ppor man. but a contented one. Santa (laits came to him and said: " What do you want, my friend!’’ “ Nothing,” lit* replied with becoming modesty, wjiich he hoped would be rewarded.’ • 1 p ■■' And Santa ( lans was so pleased that lie gave it to him’and passed on. <? ® ® Ever “ Green.”, A travelling salesman died very suddenly. Ilisyelhtiv.es telegraphed the florist to makiyh wreath; the ribbon' should be extra wTde,-With the inscription “Rest in Peace ” on both sides and if there is room, “ We shall meet in Heaven.” The florist was but of town, and hi* new assistant Handled the job. It was .% startling floral piece which turned up at the! funeral. The ribbon was extra wide, and bore the inscription: “Rest in Peace on Both Sides, and If There is Room We Shall Meet in Heaven.” ■

A Heart-to-Heart Talk. A young thing had' a heart that ached, her honey-boy having taken his affections elsewhere, and her father recently' shut himself up with her to reason with her. “That honey-boy averaged spending 50 cents a week .oil you.” he said; “here’s a dollar a week to take his place. Every time he .called he cleaned out the refrigerator’;'you mother will see to it that your brothers do this in future. HeSkept you up late :it nights; .your baby sister is cross, and hereafter you will let the baby do this for you. He took possession of the most comfortable rocker on the porch ; when you lobksit tliM roeker. in-future it will not be empty, bringing the pang to your heart that your silly novels tell about—it will be occupied by. the man who paid for it, and that’s me. Your mother and I stayed by you through colic

and teething, and are going to get youthrough this if we' have to take ;turns spanking you. Now. take your eyes off the moon and look at the dust around, you.” «>-s><s> Shiftin' the Stuffin. At a Christmas dinner a statesman who had been much in the publie' eye was called upon after the meal to make a little speech. - . He arose and began:—!/ “You have been giving your attention so far to a turkey stuffed with sagei You are now about to give your attention to a sage stuffed with turkey.” <?> «> <®> He Wanted to Know. They were married at the beginning of December, and the 25th was approaching. “You know, little witie,” he said, one evening, “we mustn’t have any secrets from each other, must we, sweet one?” “No. darling.” she whispered. “So,” he continued, “I want you to tell me how much you intend spending on a Christmas present for me, so that I can calculate how much money I shall have left to buy one for you.”

To Save Expense. -The following letter was received, with the present of a golf-coat, from his sister by,a. young man-who was away from home at Christmas on a visit: ■ “I am sending by post a. golf-coat', which please accept with love and season's greetings. As the brass buttons are heavy I have ent them off to save postage.—Your loving sister, “J —- —. ■ • “ P.S.—You will find the buttons in the right hand pocket of the’ coat.” <S> <?> Shrewd Patient. 'Soon after Christmas we meet out friend coming from the consultation room of the eminent specialist and note that he is. smiling happily. . “Ah,” we say, “evidently' the doctor told you were in good shape.” “No,” he replies, “he put me on a rigid diet.” “It doesn't seem to worry you.” “No. When he began planning my diet he asked me what I usually at» and I told him everything I abhor —amt he gave me strict orders not to eat one of them.” -. • <® <s> No Toys to Bring. Wilfred, eleven years old, was out flat-hunting with his mother. At each house visited they were met with the familiar story, “We don’t tako any children here.” They were just leaving the fifteenth' house, after being turned away with the same story, when Wilfred innocently, looked up at his mother and exclaimed, “Say, ma, Santa Claus must have a cinch in this neighbourhood.” <S> <S> <s> Not Appreciated. Kindly old Jenkins had made his usual round of Christmas Eve visits, and was taking a short cut home, when, half-Way, up a dark street, he came upon a man lying flat upon the ground over a shrill grating, apparently tipsy. “Come, old fellow,” he cooed. “Getup and go home like a sensible chap.” But the “ old fellow ” shook himSelt free with an angry snort. " Git. ’ome yerself; yer old fool,’* ho growled. “ There’ a water-pipe burst ire Our kitehen, an’ I’m feeling for the main tap”