Anecdotes and Sketches.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XLV, Issue 21, 23 November 1910, Page 75

Anecdotes and Sketches.

GRAVE, GAY, EPIGRAMMATIC AND OTHERWISE.

Arabella's Darling. (>W, 1 wonder, thought Alphonso, I | “what Arabella is doing at this I 1 precise moment?” ■*/ (Arabella and Alphonso were married last August, and Alphonso being a commercial traveller, was far from home.) . -I wonder,” he repeated, ‘ what she is doing?” . Then a brilliant, idea struck him, and he visited the nearest spiritualist me“What,” said Alphonso. for the third time, “is Arabella doing?” “.She is looking out of the window, replied the medium, "evidently expecting somebody.” ‘‘That is strange!” said Alphonso. “Whom can she expeet?” “Ah!” continued the medium, “someone enters the house, and she caresses him fondly.” “It can’t be!” erred the exerted husband. “My wife is true to me.” “Now she lays his head on her lap and looks tenderly into his eyes.” “Villain!” roared the jealous husband. “Now she kisses him.” “It’s false!” yelled Alphonso. “I’ll make you pay dearly for this!” The 'medium saw that he had gone far enough. “Now,” he said, “he wags his tail.” <€>«s><& Nerve. C'himinie: I told the boss I’d quit this elevator-boy job unless he made it easier. Jimmie: What do you want him to do?" Chimmie: Just put on an arrangement «o that the elevator will stay still and the floors will run up and down in front of it.

Suspicious. For three Sundays In succession the pastor of a fashionable church was gladdened by the appearance of a backsliding husband in his wife’s pew. Then suddenly this gratifying exhibition of an awakened conscience ceased. One day the pastor met the delinquent in a street “I have not seen you at church for some time,” said the preacher. “No,” was the candid reply, “I had to give it up. My wife got too suspicious.” “Suspicious?” exclaimed the parson. “Yes,” said the man; “she got it into her head that I was up to some awful deviltry outside that I was trying to

atone for by going to church. Nothing I could say or do could convince her otherwise, so in order to show her I was living a square life I had to stay away from church.” The Chromatic Hero. At first glance the novel’s title, "The Rainbow,” seemed to be lacking in significance, but as it afterward developed that the hero Blushed crimson, Was blue with the cold, Had his lips grow grey, Was seized by a blaek rage, Fell into a brown study, Grew green with envy, Purple with indignation, Livid with fear, Yellow with chagrin, and Scarlet with embarrassment, the title proved to be entirely apt. <£<?>s> Versatility. It was a story, understand, for men with red blood in their veins, and the in-

evitable . American in it was seemingly cornered. “You have bitten of! more than you can chew!” sneered the villain, with a strong Parisian accent. The American’s presence of mind did not desert him for a single solitary moment, however. . “Know that none of my race is unable to swallow without chewing!” he retorted, and, suiting the action to the word, he snatched victory from the jaws of defeat. Takes It Seriously. “I suppose you know Borem?” remarked Wiseman. “Only just well enough to say ‘How are you?’” replied Markley. “Well, don’t do it.” “Don’t do what?” “Don’t say ‘How are you?’ lor if yon do he’ll hold you up for a quarter of an hour and tell you. <S> <S> <s> Frightened Off. He stood in a Blackpool street, a tin box in his hand, inspecting the lodging houses on the opposite side. “Mrs Gamnil!, late Mrs Figgs, late Mrs Crocker,” he read from the front of one house. He picked up his box and walked rapidly away. “Xo blooming female Henry the Eighth for me,” he said decisively. s>s><s» Gave Himself Away. (hi the first night of a new piece a pretty young actress appeared on the stage Haunting an exquisite costume. “That must have cost three thousand franc*!” said, audibly, a lady who sat with her husband in the front row. “Xo. no—only twenty-five hundred.’’ lie said mechanically. Then he found her eyes fixed on him. and was silent. <S> 3> Too Dangerous. Mr. (’liurch: Whew! how it’s rffining. Lend inc. your umbrella, dear. I’ve got. to run over to the vestry meeting. Mrs. Church: But why not use that umbrella you’ve Iwen carrying all the Week ? Mr. < liurch: What! to the vestry meeting? \\ by, that’s where I got it*

Banker (dnmbfoumleil) : What’s Ihat'! Say that again! •Applicant: 1 said 1 would like to mortgage my automobile in order to buy a home i