Our Funny Page

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XLV, Issue 18, 2 November 1910, Page 72

Our Funny Page

WRONG EXCUSE. .“Whq has broken the milk-jug?’” /‘The cat knocked that down, madame!” “What oat?” “Haven’t we got one?” TO SWEAR OR NOT TO SWEAR. 'A woman was called before one of the (New York police courts as a witness in • petty case. “Swear the witness,” said the judge. “I don’t want to,” she protested. “But you must.” •‘Must I swear?” “Certainly; do not delay this trial.” “Well," she said, ‘‘if 1 must 1 suppose I must.—Darn!”

NOT HARD TO FIT. New Girl: “Please, mum, while .you’re down town, would, ye he so kind, as to order me a pair o’ shoes?” Mrs. De Style: “I—er—do not know your size.” New Girl: “Nor I, .mum; but I think if ye gets them about the size of yours, they’ll do.” Mrs. De Style (hesitatingly) “Do you think you could wear them ?” New Girl: “Oh, yes, mum. After new shoes is wet they shrinks.” “I punished you merely to show my love for you,” said the father. “T-that’« all r-right,” sobbed the little fellow. “It’s a g good thing for you 1 ain’t b-big enough to return your 1-love.”

HIS TROUBLE. The Doctor (to patient, who is married to a wife who is wealthy, but about twice his age, and the possessor of a temper that makes his life unbearable) 1 “You know, my dear sir, you’re suffering from a very peculiar disease—‘Matrimonial Dyspepsia.’ You’re wife’s too rich—she doesn’t agree with you.” GOOD ENOUGH. Wife: I suppose if you should meet some pretty young girl you would cease to care for me? Husband: W-hat nonsense you talk! What do I care for youth and beauty t You suit me all right.

DIGNITY. Lady; Y'ou look robust. Are you equal To the task of sawing wood ? - Tramp: Equal isn’t the word, mum; J’m.superior to it. Good mornin'.” A WANING LOVE. Husband (coming -home lale and finding wife asleep): Thanh all she cares f’me. Doeahn’t think it worth while t’siilay ’wake an’ call me a b-asht.

THE WITCHING HOUR. Claire: “Jade told me he wanted' to see you the worst possible way.” Ethyl: “ And what did you say?” Claire: “I told him to come to breakfast some morning.” Census Taker: How many children have you? Citizen: Three. Census Taker: Altogether! Citizen: No; one at a tiaaa.