Our Funny Page

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XLV, Issue 6, 10 August 1910, Page 72

Our Funny Page

EXPERIENCED. V (Tat: “Moike, why is kissin’ your gurril foike A (bottle uv olives?” , . (Mlkei “Give it up.” # Tati ”’Cause ef yez can git </ ♦cat come aisy.” (UNSATISFACTORY SHOPPING PLACE k Daughter—“ Here is Bigg, Stocke and Co.'s great shop. Det’s go in.” (Mother —“No, no. No matter what >wo ask for, they will be sure to have U.” A NEW CURE. Airs. Cribber: “What has become of all your Cleopatra jewellery—the asps, »nakes, serpents, and things?” Sirs, Bibber: “Hush! Don’t let my husband hear you. 1 have hidden them away.” ! “Haven’t you worn them at all?” ‘‘l wore them once, and the moment my husband saw them he rushed off to

a doctor. The next morning he took the pledge. I shan’t wear them again unless he backslides.”

Have the courts decided yet who is jo have the children? Ob, yes, in my favour! I ate the last one for breakfast this morning.

A LAW-ABIDING CHILD. A health Officer recently received the following note from one of the residents of his district: ’‘Dear sir: I beg to inform you that any child, aged eight months, is suffering from measles as required by act of Parliament.” Ethel (confidentially): Do you know, flara, that I had two off ers of marriage last week? Clara (with enthusiasm): Oh, I am delighted, dear! Then the report is really true that vour uncle left you his money?

A NATURAL QUERY. ' Harry—“Wot’s yer hurry, Bill?’ 1 (Bill—“l’ve got to go to work.” Harry—“ Work? Why, wot’s the matter with the missis? Ain’t she well?” DIVULGING A SECRET. Maud —“So he had the cheek to ask age, did he? Well, what did you tell him?” Ethel—“l told him I didn’t know positively, but I thought you were just twenty-four on your thirtieth birthday.” THE APOSTROPHE AND THE LATE BUDGET. The Bishops: The Lord’s will be done. The Lords: The Lords’ will he done. Tile People: The Lords will be done. POOR GRANDMA. ’A little boy whose grandma had just died wrote the following letter, which he duly posted: “Dear Angels: We have sent you grandma. Please give her a harp to play, as she is short-winded and can’t blow a trumpet.” “Here is an article in this magazine, entitled ‘ How to Meet Trouble,’ ” said Mrs. Wedderley. “ Shall 1 read it to you ?” “ No, thank you,” replied his wife’s husband. “ How to dodge trouble is tho brand of information I'm looking for.”

SUB ROSA. She: “She told me you told her that secret I told you not to tell her.” He: “The mean thing! I told her not to tell you I told her.” She: “1 promised her I wouldn’t tell you she told me, so don’t tell her I told you.”

GEMS OF INDEXING. The following are to be found in the catalogue of the Squantum Corners Public Library: Bacon; Its Preparation. „ on Inductive Reasoning. Dead poisoning. „ Kindly Light. Belle: But do you think you and fie are suited to each other? Nell: Oh, perfectly! Our tastes are quite similar. 1 don’t care very much for him, and lie doesn’t care very much for me.

Mother’s voice from next room: “Willie, come here! \ou must never listen to your father shaving.”

THE RIGHT BOY. Employer to Applicant: Are you t ruth fill* Y’-e-s, but not so’s to queer your business.

SOCIETY (ISLAND) NOTE.

The groom wore the conventional black.

The Highbred Persian: The only way’ to receive this sort of demonstration is with dignified indifference.

Why don’t you put up a scareuiau to keep the aero crows away?