Our Funny Page

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XLII, Issue 16, 21 April 1909, Page 72

Our Funny Page

ALL THE DIFFERENCE. Nini—George says that my beauty intoxicates him. Elsie—l heard that lie says you were enough to drive a man to drink.

CITING AN EXAMPLE. ‘"People admire a man wlio stands on his own feet,” remarked the moraliser. “Yes,” rejoined the demoralise!", “especially in a crowded car.”

Niece (awakened by unusually violent shock) : “What’s the matter, Uncle George?” Uncle' G.:-“Hun down a canoe, my dear.” Niece: “Oh, but you’ll apologise nicely, won’t you?” Uncle G.: “Well, my dear, I’m just waiting to catch their attention.”

r I’KOTECTED GAME. r Young Hunter: “It's strange that I can’t hit anything.’’ His Guide: “1 guess it’s because I’m behind a tree.”

KEPT IT DARK. Mother—Lucy, did you tell God. how naughty you were last night? Lucy—No, ma; for I was ashamed to let it out of the family.

She (sincerely) : “Well, I suppose, .Tack, you are not perfect?” Jack; “No, darling; but when 1 am with you 1 am very near perfectionl”

P The Pilot: What makes her go so slow? i The Engineer: We’re passing through 'J the milky way and the propeller's full f of butter! NOT ABSENT MINDED. * Professor (coming from his club tri- • umpliantly holding up his umbrella) —■ You see, my dear Alma, how stupid are ” all the anecdotes about our abs«ntmindedness; you see, I haven't forgotten -my umbrella. Mrs. Professor.—But, my dear, you didn’t take your umbrella with you; you left it at home.

Bones (telling a story) : Well, the evening wore on— Jones: It did, eh? What did it wear? Bones: Well, if you must know, I believe it was the close of a summer day.

THE SPELLING CLASS. Teacher: ‘’Spell coincidence, Willie.” Willie: "I can’t spell it, but I can tell what it means.’’ Teacher: ‘’Well, then, what does it mean ?” Willie: ‘’Twins.” AN OLD BACHELOR. She: -“So the fortune teller told you that you would never marry.” He: "Yes—that is, indirectly.” She: "What did she say?” He. "She said I was born to command.”

TERRITORIAL TROUBLES. Recruit: “Please, sergeant, I've got a splinter in my ’and."’ Sergeant-Instructor: “Wot yer been doin’? Strokin’ yer ’end?’’ DIFFERENT. “Cheer old man,’’ said the consoling friend. “You know, love laughs at locksmiths.” “Yes, I know,” replied the dejected lover. “But her father ain’t a locksmith; he’s a boilermaker.”

“Land sakes, but what am I to do? Nobody wants to take children.” “It’s your own fault, madam, for being so old-fashioned. You should have ha* your children raised in an incubator.”