Our Funny Page

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XLII, Issue 13, 31 March 1909, Page 72

Our Funny Page

NOTHING DIFFICULT. “I see a premiere danseuse is advertised to dance with five snakes twisted about her.’* “Should think she would. If a suake jot on me, I’ll i>et I'd dance.”

UNHYGIENIC BOOSTING. The Countryman: “Down here, sir, we make it a rule to go to bed with the chickens.” The Britisher: “Er —don't you find it beastly unhealthy?”

»NE SIGN. Said He: “Young Smythe and Miss Brown are evidently in love -with each other.” Said She: “Judging by the wa.y they look at each other?” Said He: “No; judging by the way they don’t look at anybody else.” LAYING FOR THE GOOSE. Mrs Hardhead—“These ohildren’s stories I don’t approve of. Take that one about the goose that laid the golden eggs. How silly!” ’ Mr Bland—“ But, madam, isn't a goose supposed to do silly things?”

DID YOU EVER NOTICE? Oh, laugh, ye merry punsters, becauw women cannot nail, But there are always two sides to every little tale; It may be that woman cannot nail or tack to hold things tight; But what man in creation can pin anything just right! STRUCK TOO HARD. Oi .ward you was out on stroike. Bat.” “Oi am; I shtruck for shorter hours." ‘■'An’ did ye get them?’’ “Oi did not. Oi’m workin’ the whole twenty-four hours now.” “What at ?” “Lookin’ for work.”

FURNISHED IN ADVANCE. After addressing the jury for a couple of hours, the judge was congratulating himself that the ease was about over, when he accidentally discovered there . were only eleven jurors present. “How’s this?” he queried, in surprise. “Where is the twelfth man?” “He went to a funeral, your honor," answered the foreman innocently; “but he left his verdict with me.” FINESSE. She: “You make love like an amateur." He: “That’s where the art comes in."

Cawge.—Why, Gwegnwy! What Gwegowy—Don’t mention it, me boy. J’m terribly mortified as it is, but the motor has bwoken down and I’d catch my death of cold, ’pon honour, if I went Without my wind shield.

The Man-about-town.—Well, it’s up ter. yer t’ say what yer want, Maytne. A gold watch when yer eighteen, or a ice-cream soda’right now.

Seedy Gent : “You say you have cuts to suit all purses. What sort of a ent have you for an empty purse ?" Butcher : “The cold shoulder !”—London Opinion.

“ Gee ! I’d like to get my hands on that feller that told me to climb a tree ttfa fashion.”