Current Wit of the World

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XLII, Issue 1, 6 January 1909, Page 41

Current Wit of the World

When the sewing circle of the town meets, the Recording Angel has to write shorthand.—" Judge.” Now that the Suffragettes have leagued themselves with the hooligan class, the police may reasonably ask for further powers.—“ British Weekly.” Admitted that the Jews do not commit fifty per cent of the City’s crimes, but they take up fifty per cent more room in the street cars than they are entitled to. — -“Puck.” Girls, with one or two exceptions, are at a discount in smart country houses. They are not rich enough for bridge, and then put a restriction on funny stories.— “Punch.” The kiss is, perhaps, the most perfect expression of love, but it should be kept for the intimate, the ecstatic, the supreme moments of life, and never, never given in public.—" Graphic.” The tides rutr swiftly* out in the Bay of Fuudy. An urchin witnessing the phenomenon for the first time yelled shrilly: "Ma. look, quick! Someone’s pulled the plug out of the sea!”—“Washington Herald.” A place where servants always suit And serve us with delight; A garden full of flowers and fruit Where midges never bite; Where nights are calm and midnight cats Refrain from repartee. In short, where nothing worries, that’s The Ideal Home for me. —“Pall Mall Gazette.” Even Jonah's whale couldn't keep a good man down.—" Somerville Journal.” Our worst enemies are often only the inventions of our best friends.—“ Lone Hand.” Yellow journalism is not so called from the colour of the coins earned at it.— "The Beacon.”

A husband who undertakes to write the biography of his wife has need of infinite discretion.—" New York Times.” Emotional insanity, as known to the law, is an affliction mostly confined to jurors.—" Philadelphia Evening Post.” Another distinctly enlivening prospect is provided in the report that hats are becoming more reasonable in size.— "Queen.” Parliament reminds one forcibly of a theatre where plays are always being rehearsed,. but never acted.—“Gaulois,” Paris. Sympathies and antipathies are Nature s ingenious little, contrivances for keeping us alive by keeping us on the alert.—" Sketch.” The fact that one wishes for nothing does not necessarily mean that one is wise Generally it means that one is old. — $, Le Figaro.” Less drink and more intelligence would do more than any political nostrum to cure unemployment.—" Nottingham Guardian.” A man has a better idea of the measure of eternity, after he has seen two women engaged in saying good-bye.— "Atchison Globe.” What is it that any man. -when well dressed, is invariably taken for a gentleman. while a woman, no matter what her attire, is taken for exactly what she is?—"Wiener Zeitung.” One of the coming pantomime songs with which we are threatened embodies the admirable petition: "Ev’ry song is about a girl, and ev’ry girl’s the best; So sing us a song about something to eat, and give the girls a rest! The alternative seems a strange one; but, after all. liver-an-bacon as an antidote to love may have its charms for the young and impressionable.—" Westminster Gazette.”