ELECTORAL HUMOUR.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XLI, Issue 21, 18 November 1908, Page 3

ELECTORAL HUMOUR.

“The Micawber system of Il nance” U Mr. Herdman’s phrase for the Government’s system of raising money by shortdated debentures. He reminded his audience that Mr. Micawber used to hand a promissory note to his creditor and congratulate himself on having paid th© debt. “You never mentioned Mr. Field’s name. Why don’t you cook 11 is goose about that £4OO a year?” was a question asked Mr. Byron- Brown. “Why/* said the candidate, “should I cook Mr. Field’s goose when he has done it so well for himself?” • • ♦ ‘‘Most of the supporters of the present Administration are merely* who re-echo the platitudes of others, and vote-registering machines.”—Mr. Wright af'Newtown. > ’ • • tt ♦ * ■ “If the Government, in their wisdom or unwisdom, choose to select mo as their candidate, that’s their funeral, not mine.” —Modest but suggestive remark by Mr. Izard. » • Mr. Herdman: There was no doubt at all that money was tight. Sir Joseph Ward himself had said that, so had th© Attorney-General. A Voice: They >rqall tight. • • • ♦ “If you are elected will you introduce legislation to prevent fanatics from parading the streets without any hats on?” was a question put to a candidate. Mr. W. Richardson, of Auckland, was asked if he was in favour of roofing Queen-street- with a glass shade, and if he was in favour of putting hotels on trolleys. • • • • “Are you in favour of t»ookniakers plying their calling, and allowing the totaKsators to remain open on election day, in order that we may hack our fanciest*’ was a question put to a candidate. “When the wolf and the lamb consort together there will come a day when the lamb will be missing.”—Mr. Rnhardsen at St. Benedicts.

••Are you in favour of paying Government employees weekly instead of monthly?” Mr. <>. Nicholson was asked. “Yes.” was the reply. “What about two Saturday* a week, Billy?’’ cried a voice to the questioner. • • • • “Forty per rent, of'the working men of Auckland are not on the jury list,’’ declared Mr. .1. I : . Browne at Mount Eden. “Vt by should any special man be put on the jury list?” he added. “Ask a policeman.” was the laconic reply from a member oi the audience. « • • • “There is not the slightest doubt about the real question at issue.*’ declared the Auckland electoral registrar. “Rights are being taken out in nine eases out of ten simply in order that, r’ectors may vote on the liquor question. The general election is quite a secondary matter.’’ • • • • What encouragement is there for doing “Little d«*eds of kindness; little acts of love.” in this hard, calculating selfish world? For instance, when Mr. Bo ton was speaking, and his voice became husky, an elector thoughtfully rose in the Inaly of the hall, walked up the aisle, and poured out a glass of water for the candidate. “Oh, you’ll get a job if he gets in.” shouted someone at the back of the hall, to the amusement of nobody more than the candidate. *♦. * • During his speech at Remuera. Mr. E. G. B. Moss recalled an amusing incident ot t>.e old provincial days. Amongst other taxes levied was one on bachelors, and another on houses with chimneys. Twenty-five members of the Armed Constabulary were run in at Tauranga. and a well-known priest, according to Mr. Moss, had the bailiffs in his house. He wis bilking recently to the rev. father about this experience, whereupon the latter remarked, “The bitterest point of the whole thing was that it was to get the payment of the bachelor tax.” • • • • In his speech at Port Ahuriri Mr. Brown challenged his opponent's political theory, and said: “If Mr. Fraser can get a new post office for Napier, that should not prevent him being a statesman. If lam returned to Parliament, I will not only sit on the doormats of Ministers, but. bedad. I'll take my blankets and sleep there until I get what I want.*’ • « • • An overworked editor of a Southern paper comments thus on the strenuous life of the clerks in the Native Department in dealing with Sir Joseph’s Ward •appeal for a legislative rest: “Everyone knows that behind the doors of the Native Department lies a lotus-eating land, where it is always afternoon; a place of ‘dreamful ease.* The motto of its occupants is, Why do to-day what you can put off until to-morrow t’ and as tomorrow never comes the spiders spin webs over the documents of the Department, and are hardly disturbed by the heavy breathing of the sleeping officials. S<nne day Wellington doctors will discover the value of the Native Department, and will take to recommending temporary clerkships therein to patients suffering from insomnia.*’ Mr. Byr<m Brown’s suggestion for the business card of a Government-support- . ing M.P.—“Mr. Smiling face Fakeum, M.P. Government labour agent. Billets procured on the shortest notice for dutiful voters. Government grants arranged for docile electorates. Jxians from the Government Advances to Settlers and Workers negotiated. Business commissions strictly confidential. Terms, £3OO per year, with a prospective rise 1<» £4OO. procuration fee, your votes and interests.” • ♦ • • “There arc several things I have not •lone during this election contest,” said Mi. Herdman. “I have not delivered a s|M‘ech on any elector’s dwrstep, nor jiostpd any cards containing a j>or trait of myself, nor kissed any babies.’’ • • • • “New Zealand is now coining to be regirded as a hup> political laboratory. You have the Hon. R. McNab making up the formula, the Premier working the |M-tlc and mortar, the Hon. Mr. McGowan blowing the bellows, ami the ♦ttomey General holding the nose of the New Zealand public while noxious drugs are forced down their throat#.” —Mr. Herd man metaphor.