Anecdotes and Sketches

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XLI, Issue 19, 4 November 1908, Page 43

Anecdotes and Sketches

FAMILY LIKENESS. Sir.' Pilkington had his wife’s portrait painted. by that eminent impressioyiist, MeLimmer, and, the work of art finished, Mary, 'the faithful retainer, was invited into the study to see it. "Do you know who that is .meant for, Mary?" proudly inquired her mastdr, while the artist modestly waited for the usual tribute of praise. “Ob, it’s lovely* Of course I do, siir,” replied Mary, who was unaccustomed to the study of impressionist work. “It’s either you or missus.” _ CERTAINLY NOT. Labiche was once asked to support as a candidate for the Academy a certain literary mendicant, but hesitated for a long time and yielded only when he -was told that if the ambitious author should fail to L>e 'elected he would die of it. •Failure nevertheless did come, and the following year, when a second vacancy occurred, Labiche's vote was once more solicited in the man’s behalf. “No,” shouted Labiclie in vehement indignation, “I will not vote for a man who does not keep his ivbrd. He did not die.” 4- -F + A PERTINENT QUERY. ■Effie lite little daughter of a clergyman pranced into her father’s study one evening while the reverend gentleman was preparing a lengthy sermon for the following .Sunday. She looked- curiously at the manuscript for a moment/and then turned to her father. “Papa.”' she began seriously, - “does .God tell you 'what to write?" idlGertainlyj” dearie.’'’ repjiffffthe cldrgy “Tlieit 4 . ?vhy’’.-Li you'. so milch’ of it oiit?” asked Ellie.

POINTED WITH SCRIPTURE. A bachelor rector of a Waikato church was alone in his study when his housekeeper brought him the card of one of his parishioners, a spinster of some means and charm. When the lady was seated on the opposite side of his study table the rector looked at her inquiringly, expecting to hear something concerning parish work, in which she was active. To his surprise an embarrassed silence ensued', during which he vainly sought for something to say. — "Doctor Blank,” began the lady, at last, in faltering tones, "do you think -—can you fancy conditions under which a« —a woman is—justified in proposing?” “Why, yes,’’ said the rector, after some deliberation. “Thou art the man!" said the lady, ‘resolutely. She was right. ♦ f + HINTS TO MOVERS. “Yes, we arc going to move to escape house-cleaning," said one man to another at the office one morning. “And so are we. If I must confess it myself, 1 am afraid it will take the new tenants two weeks to get rid of the rubbish \ve are leaving behind.” “It is just the same with us. Our house will need a mop and soap from cellar to roof. By-the-vvay, where arc you going?" “15 L Street." “What ? . Why, that is where we are leaving.” “Well, I declare! Where are you going?” “11, B Street." “Why, that’s .where we are leaving.” “Great Scott!" " J ' ' “Phew!”

EXPIATION BY PROXY. A recently appointed woman supervisor of the public schools one day happened in a school where a young incorrigible was being punished. "Have you ever tried kindness?" inquired she of the teacher, “I did at. first, but I've got beyond that now,” was the reply. At the close of the lesson the supervisor asked the boy to call on her on the following Saturday. A boy arrived at the hour appointed. The hostess showed him her best pictures, played him her liveliest music and set liim a delicious luncheon, and then thought it time to begin her sermon. "My dear,” she began, “were you not very unhappy to stand before all the class for punishment ?” “Please, ma’am,” broke in the boy, with his mouth full of cake, “it wasn’t me you saw; it was Billy, and he gave me a dime to come and take your jawing.” GATHERING ROSES. I've gathered roses, and the like, in many glad and golden Junes; but now, as down the world I hike, my weary hands are filled with prunes. I’ve gathered roses o’er and o'er, and some were white, and some were fed; but when I took them to the store, the grocer wanted eggs instead. I gathered roses long ago, in other days, in other scenes, and people said: “You ought to go, and dig the weeds out of your beans.” A million loses bloomed and died, a million more will die to-day; that man is wise who let will die to-day: that man is wise who let will die to-day; that man is wise who lets them slide, and gathers up the bales of hay. ♦ ♦ ♦ CUTTING. Sir Richard Bethell, afterwards Lord Westbury. with a suave voice and stately manner, nevertheless ’had a way of hearing down the foe with almost savage wit. Once, in court, he had to follow a barrister who had delivered his remarks in very .loud tones. “Now that the noise in court has subsided," murmured Bethell. “1 .will tell your honor in two sentences,,the gisf °i the case.”

HAD MADE A NAME FOR HIMSELF. A well-known public man, who was spending the winter in Washington, had for his next door neighbours u family with an aged negro in their employ who might have passed for the original Uncle Remus, in so far as his personal appearance was concerned. The old man appeared bright and early every morning, and swept off his walk, took care of the ashes, and. in short, was general chore manager of the premises. The newcomer, seeing the old fellow at work one morning, accosted him in genial fashion, and received the usual gracious response. ’’•What is your name?" he asked the darky. “George Washington, sub,” said the negro. • . , "George Washington, eh? George Washington—seems very familiar. Scents to me I’ve heard that name before.” “Well, I guess maybe you all ought, to have heard il before." said George. "1 been workin’ around here most twen-ty-five years.” ♦ 4 U AND WASN’T HE PLEASED. A whist enthusiast, who thinks tljat he is a great player, wrote and published a book on the game, and sent one copy to a famous player for his opinion of it. In about a week the book was returned to him,"with the following letter: "My dear .Sir.—Your favour of the 10th instant, accompanied by your book, was duly received. I have read it carefully. It seems to be a very good game, but I don't think it is lis good a game as whist.” + 4- ♦ A LEADING QUESTION. Broker Brown's office-boy had been excused the afternoon before, and when he returned next morning his employer greeted liim kindly. “Well, Billy," he said, “did you go to your grandma's funeral?” “Yes. sir," replied'Billy, with a quivering lip. "Wais there a Urge ■alendanee?" “Yost; sir.’’. -. ~ “What- wax the- score?■” •