Wise and Otherwise

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XLI, Issue 19, 4 November 1908, Page 55

Wise and Otherwise

By

“OLD SALT”

A postcard addressed “Gisborne, God’s Own Country,” reached its destination the other day at the very first try, and it would probably have accomplished the same feat without the endorsement of a sapient P.O. official, "try New Zealand.” This is all very nice and pleasing to our national pride; but with the near approach of wireless telephony, the practice of using such fanciful addresses should be crushed in the bud and nipped in the egg —so to speak. Imagine the feelings of the operator coming into communication with the heroine of that pathetic ballad which has softened so many hearts and brought tears to so many eyes, and which opens, to waltz time — “If you please, miss, give me Heaven, For my mother’s there.” I do not know the song, but am assured that it is very touching, and it would be a very unsympathetic operator who would reply “Switch off, and ling up the Lost Property Office”— « person, indeed, quite unfitted to live in G.O.C. ❖ <®> ❖ It is fine to have friends, but even the best of friends are likely to prove embarrassing when they allow their enthusiasm to run away with them, as they very often do, unfortunately, at election time. A belligerent supporter- of Mr Bollard’s was much in evidence the other night, when he declared that a certain person —name nre no names—alleged to have aspersed the character of the sitting member, “would never have lived if he had sdid it here.” The cooing of doves seems more appropriate to this particular electorate, ami to breathe slaughter and murder! is not a little bit like the breath we expect to blow o’er Eden. An-

other heated gentleman has been supplied with a niee large writ with which to fan himself, and as that does not create enough air for cooling purposes, he is humming the old one from Nancy Lee, “’illy, ’Oily, ’illy, O!” The candidate for Parnell has achieved fame, for Moss started a ball rolling; while the reply by Mr Kidd to a question as to whether he would favour “a strict inspection of the greatest gift to man —beer,” was lost amid great laughter. From the form which the question took I assume the interrogator expected it to be shouted—the answer, not the beer. <S> <•> <s> An observant person may read while he runs, or run while he reads (writs and things), or read, then run away afterwards. These dicta are laid down as postulates, because I want to defend the position of the Theosophical Society of Auckland, which has takei; premises—just houses, you understand, not argumentative bases—which were formerly occupied by a sporting club, and which caused that part of Queen-street to be known as the “two-upper,” in distinction from the highly respectable “Upper Queen-street,” where, by the way, lots of dirty linen are washed. Occulists affirm that inanimate objects and inoffensive residences are so imbued with the aura of-their owners and occupiers respectively, that time will not disassociate one from the other. 1 shudder to think, yet dare to anticipate, “CLAIRVOYANCE.” The esoteric circle met on a Sunday night. Sang hymns from out a prayer-book in an ever-fading light; Felt the trembling little lingers, Tn the thrill that always lingeis, For the thrill that leaves the left must sure be right.

Then thcv waited for a mees.ige in t&d.nk. White t,.i table turned and twisted, for p latk: h For while one wished for her moth* To speuk; ami one his brother The message that came through wrs "JU* a mirk!’’ .. This was damping to the psychical suit, T The next words sounded just like "stouea and "boot.” Then a whisper hoarse. "Why, luminf I put *im- on a rummy, , A nd lie done me for my corner of I he ’oot.\ Then the ribbald voice and sea timet If were .shed. flood spirits eaiiic. made good attempt? and gushed. lint again that misdemeanour — "Set the easier for a "ilena.” And ‘'inns'’ or "outs,” I’ll bet until 1 buSli’t So the eiiele, broken by one little link. Declared 'I was due to gambling and tfli drink. That they found these mixed eoudh* turns, Then to tied their own positions, Each went outside to think and think atiA THINK. For the benefit of those who do i.oi understand the language of the (twof upper classes, I may explain that th<. professors and graduates refer to the game of two-up as “swai,” or “swai up.’* A “dona"’ is a shilling. A "corner of the hoot” is the equivalent to a share of the plunder, which is generally obtained from a “rummy,”. or unsophisticated young gentle,nan who is anxious to “do in liw little bit of splosh.” Really, I am afraid evil communications have corrupted my, good manners. 1 am growing almost slangy.