Partingtonisms.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XXXVIII, Issue 26, 29 June 1907, Page 48

Partingtonisms.

A funny incident ix-euned at a bridge party the other night. A ladv. who was decidedly inclined towards embonpoint, was partner to a partieularlv ii. seible old gi'iitleman.

After making several terrilie mistakes she finally perpetrated a blunder which absolutely lost them the game, whereupon her partner reproached her with considerable vehemence.

’ Oh, but you know, major.’’ she remonstrated. beseechingly. “ vou re vjuite a professional player, and I’m only a miniature! ”

A good old lady was onee visited by a chrg\nian. who asked her what pli.ee of worship she attended. “Oh,' she said. “I mostly goes to Church mornings, to Weslevan afternoons. and to Congregational evenings.” But don’t you think.” suggested the clergyman, "that it would be better to keep to one?”

” No. I don't,” was the startling reply, “ I don't hold with bigamy at all.'’ It was some little time before the reverend gentleman realised that “bigotry ’’ was the word she was really thinking of.

It was the same old lady who had been nuieh startled by a tramp loafing and lurking near the house. “Xes. my dear.'' she remarked to her niece, " his behaviour was so superstitious that I had to send Jane for a policeman.” MASTERY EXPLAINED. Supernatural oeeurrrenees were the subject of conversation, when a business man told this story:— ■' The day after our chief went off on his holidays last summer the clock in his private office stopped, and it never started to run again until the day after he returned, three months later.” “ How did you account for the phenomenon ? ” “ Our office-boy is a member of the. Never-dowliat-you-don't-have-to Lodge of Amalgamated Countinghouse Assistants.” SCIENCE. “ If a man had an arm long enough to touch the sun and burn his fingers,” said the professor. “he would not feel the pain for five thousand six hundred and ninety-two years.” “ And for how many thousand years could he be heard swearing about it, professor? “ asked the anxious student in the second row. ARCTIC ATTRACTIONS. “ I cannot imagine,” said the woman with the short sleeves, “why in the world the Esquimaux live in their country after they have learned what is to be had and seen in civilised places. Just think! Tliey have no theatres, no hotels, no trains, no street cars, no shops, no schools, no churches, no clubs, no yachts, no scandals—they positively have nothing that we have.” “ Possibly that is the reason they stay where they are,” ventured the man in the dinner jacket.