The Club Smoking Room

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XXXVIII, Issue 17, 27 April 1907, Page 17

The Club Smoking Room

THE Superintendent of Awards,” said the banker, ‘•'seems to be one of the few people who have made a change of residence without receiving the customary testimonial. He lef| too hurriedly for his friends to be able to subscribe for the inevitable small token of the high esteem, etc. I gather from various rumours that have reached me that while many regret his departure, there are some who are sincerely glad that there is not much chance of any inquiry being held. It would seem to be a case of least said soonest mended. Courts of law are never very satisfactory, and extradition is expensive where a foreign State is concerned, and then you never know what unexpected disclosures may be made. Hut talking of testimonials I never could understand why Itecause some fellow is lucky enough to get promotion and an increased salary, all the other poor chaps in the office who have not been so lucky are taxed to present him with a silver-mounted pipe, or a travelling bag or something equally useless. 1 could understand it if a man was retiring into private life, but why to goodness we should have what the papers eall "pleasing ceremonies’* every time a railway porter gets shifted from one station to another passes the wit of man to conceive. <®> <•> ‘1 presume.” suggested the cynic, “that these things arc done on the same principle on which married people give each other presents. Your wife gives you something you don’t want in the expectation that you will do the same. I was staying with a fellow once who had made many moves in his lifetime to avoid the annoyance caused by the postman continually leaving accounts rendered by small creditors. Wherever he went he contrived somehow to be secretary of different athletic and social clubs. He had accumulated a perfectly unique collection of testimonials. You drank tea poured from a presentation teapot into a presentation cup, and sweetened from a presentation sugarbowl. I suppose the thing has become bo general that we can’t stop it now, and after all the matter more or less rights itself. It reminds me of a hare and hounds club I used to belong to. We had twelve members and twelve runs during the season. Our subscription was two guineas, and the first man in received a cup worth two guineas. But there was a very useful rule that nobody could win more than one cup, So that in due time all the members got a prize suitably inscribed. Some testimonials, however, need no inscription, as when they presented our clerical friend here with a copy of a book called “Hints on Preaching Intended chiefly for beginners.” “That was certainly a valuable tribute to my oratorical powers," said the parson. “But in the matter of presentations 1 have met many men who would sooner subscribe to a dozen than be the recipient of one. They simply dread having to make a speech, and when they Sue called upon to express their thanks they feel a wild desire to turn and run. The most trying form of .speech-making

By

HAVANA

in my opinion is when you are invited to propose anybody’s health at a wed ding. The unfortunate men are called on to make speeches whilst the women are busy disposing of the best cakes and sandwiches.” <S> <®> “Man proposes and woman disposes,” began the cynic, but the commercial traveller interrupted the flow of his meditations by bringing up the subject of secret commissions. “People not in business,” he remarked, “have no idea of the extent of this evil. Men likely to influence, buyers are bribed in every conceivable way. The bribe does not often take the form of hard cash, but it is no uncommon thing for a man to be offered an article for his own use at a merely nominal price, or to be told that any purchases he may require to make for himself will be subject to a substantial discount. It is hard to see how any law can be framed to put a stop to this kind of thing. A city storekeeper, who was in the habit of giving a 5 per cent, discount on all cash purchases, told me that customers would frequently ask nim not to enter the discount on the receipt. The reason of this was, as he explained to me, because country settlers would often ask one of their number, who was going to town, to make a few purchases for them, and when the discount was not shown it was simply pocketed by the obliging neighbour. You probably view things from a somewhat different standpoint to myself, said the manufacturer, competition is so keen nowadays that we must do everything in our power to push business or we shall get left. Of course where a buyer is bribed to take an inferior article at the detriment of his principle, the thing is manifestly wrong. But frequently neither price nor quality is affected in the slightest degree by the commission given to the agent, in which case it is simply a matter of payment for goodwill. Every firm expects to spend a certain amount in pushing its business, and the more we sell the more cheaply we can produce. 1 believe, remarked the stockbroker, that there is likely to be a big boom soon in a certain mining property at the Thames. I have heard a good many rumours, but cannot get any very definite information. The" whole thing is being kept pretty dark just at present , and I cannot for the life of me tell whether it is likely to be a genuine thing or only another attempt to rig the market. I know that one or two big men have been buying pretty largely of late. <?><s>«> One of my clients gave me the tip the other day to buy some of the shares, said the lawyer. He seemed to think it was a genuine thing, and he ought to know, as he is quite in the swim up there. He thought it would be a sort of second Waiotahi. 1 have been bitten so often over this sort of thing that 1 am a bit shy, but I have bought a few of the shares for a spec. Does anyone know anything definite? All I know about it, remarked the visiting member from the South, is that one of bur

shrewdest business men recently paid a somewhat mysterious visit to the Th a mes. <s» •$» Talking of mining reminds me that shareholders in New Zealand mines, whosj names arc on the London register, have to pay the English income tax of 1/, even if they live in the colony and have the dividends sent to them here. Of course you can get it back, but this means trouble ami expense, and, really, for a small amount, it is hardly worth while. Very few people are even aware that the tax is recoverable. Like true Britishers, they grumble and pay. If it is sought to recover the tax. you are limited to three years, and then very often the unfortunate shareholder falls into tile hands of some unscrupulous firm, who take either the whole or the lion’s share of the amount recovered. Even when an income in England is exempt from taxation, the dividends are paid less income tax. and you are left to recover as best you can. 'The Chancellor of the Exchequer knows that possession is nine-tenths of the law. The best way to recover is through a banker. <s>s><&• I see, rejoined the lawyer, that they seek to differentiate between earned incomes, and incomes derived from other sources. This is to continu • the fallacy that capital is not earned. All investments represent the result of money earned at some time or other. The Englishman is to pay ninepence on what he spends, and a shilling on what be saves. 'To discourage capital is to discourage thrift. •s><s><£> T don’t wish to be personal, said The cynic, though 1 have just paid a big to a lawyer, who after keeping a matter hanging about for weeks, wrote and said he could go no further with it. But there are incomes which ft seems are neither earned nor derived from invest ment. 1 presume the tax on such will hardly be a tax on industry, and it will probably be fixed at l()ld.