Don’t Marry a Man to Reform Him.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XXXVIII, Issue 10, 9 March 1907, Page 32

Don’t Marry a Man to Reform Him.

There are few things more generally over -estimated than the personal influence of women over* men. It is by no means to be denied that occasionally, in individual instances, it is great, even astonishing, and that in the aggregate it amounts to much. But usually it is the other way round. The influence of men over women is far more powerful than that of women over men. It follows, therefore, that the woman who marries a man, hoping and expecting to mould him according to her ideal, fondly dreaming that love for herself will transform his character, and that hence forth his one effort in life will be to please her, and her only, makes, in 99,999 cases in 100,000, a great and grievous mistake.

“Ab the husband is the wife is." Never poet sang nor philosopher uttered * truer word. In the close intimacy of married life the husband and wife must necessarily act and react upon each other.

No woman is wholly without 'nlluenc4 upon the inau who loves her, but eveu SO the influence of the man preponderates, and most women are ready to be all things to the men of their choice if BO they may gain and retain their affection. Moreover, it is a mournful fact that the influence of the sweetheart is often —indeed, usually—more persuading than that of the wife. In the natural course of things it is the husband who, so to speak, sets the pace for the married couple. It is an easy matter to influence a man whither his inclination leads him, but to influence him contrary to his desire, to lead him against his will, even for his own good is as hard, or harder, than it is to make water flow uphill. Moreover, no man, however loving and lovable he may be, is willing to pose aS under pettieoat government; he resents any suspicion, still less imputation, that he walks in his wife’s way rather than his own. There is no precept which men are more willing to practise than that which declares that a man should rule his own household. King Solomon tells us that a good ■wife will do her husband good and not evil all the days of her life. But none the less the fact remains that the reformation of an evil man even the best of wives is to be classed among the most difficult human undertakings, a task which John Howard declared “ impossible, saving hv the amazing grace of God.”