Is It Best for People to Marry Young?

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XXXVIII, Issue 7, 16 February 1907, Page 47

Is It Best for People to Marry Young?

It is difficult to find two people whose ideas on the subject of love and marriage coincide. What one person recommends from one point of view, another person may disapprove of from another- point of view. The long engagement recommended by some is apt to be condemned by other s, and perhaps both sides are right, according to their different ways of thinking. The enthusiastic advocates "of early marriages exclaim, with considerable truth, “ Two young hearts united, a marriage made in lujiven.” The very fact of a young man an.d maiden being near of an age inclines them to a similarity of tastes and sentiments. Both love for the first time, both ar,e full; of the courage and ardour of youth, and both are sure, So sure, that there is no happiness in the world for either of them apart from the other. Under the influence of such feelings there have been young couples who have started life with little more than a chair and a table, and -very successful some of these marriages have turned out. The husband has brought forward his best endeavours, the wife has worked no less hard and cheerfully,"and, step by step, animated by love they have won their way upward. - " ' Where husband' and wife air well mated,, the tie* that is knit by these early years of struggle and-mutual self-denial is of necessity far-’closer and* more intimate than formed later in life by a couple who have waited to begin where their parents left off. It is frequently remarked that the first year of married life.is seldojn the happiest, and tliat, -if-the first twelve months can be safe’" tided over without breach or storm, the peace and comfort of the future becomes assured. One reason why the first year is the most .difficult to negotiate is not far to seek. Few people really know.eaeji other until they come to live under the same roof, and engaged couples are no exception to the rule. It is after they are married that they for the first time become aware of each other’s true- character, habits,-; and opinions, and in the process undoubtedly receive many agreeable surprises and unpleasant shocks. But the more youthful the pair, the easier.they find it to conform one. to the other. ’ The neat and trim girl of Twenty does_not worry herself into a fever ami scold her husband into batf tempers over his incorrigible carelessness and lack of order and age. whose tidiness had grown upon her to the extent of primness ; and preciseness. _ . . ,j Np; she gradually instils a little of. her own punctuality into him, while the ef-fort-of keeping him.up to the mark in that respect ' effectually counterbalances any tendency of method, as mightndfo it bride of more mature years. In the same way a- prudent-young Juisband acts as a cheek upon an extravagant girl wife. She has been married almost out of the schoolroom, and is naturally inclined to look up to and follow her hus..lead Uceptsy-jopj-dy she is influenced by his serious turn Of mind ; l|<rrs ened by .her frivolity,until* as the yeaf-s go .by, ’ tSeir two Jim -hire* harmSSße'l'inoru a lid more. jfe But p<i#tj>O|i)e tije ofytwo suejh tempera nfeiitS' tert years or ni<si%, wlufti r»yli lias become set in tliejr.wav of. life, am) then .far/j’rom! onesdispositiort*ha|>piljt rounding 'off" the corners of t6e there will, in all ptcAihbility. bl 1 very de' tidal and unhappy .friction. oimj of the great' advantages of marryiitg early is the plasticity of nature phich life lopgs to youth, and youth only. ' ,<■ ; In thetiifiijieifityi.flf 4fiirrihges’WHti , #et? : d

in youth both persons, the man and the woman, leave their parents’ homes to make a home of their own. They are accustomed to the give and take of family life, the household is run on lines to give the greatest pleasure and comfort to the greatest number, and not for any one member’s individual comfort and pleasure. Consequently, both the young husband and the young wife regard with proportionate pride and satisfaction a home in -which, they find themselves of chief and first importance —a domain, however small, in which they are practically king and queen, and their word law. It seems an easy thing to the young wife to please her husband, to devote her services to one person and defer to his wishes, where formerly she was at the beck and call of half a dozen members of her family, and must invariably consult tlie convenience of several before She could carry out the least plan on her own account.

The young husband, too, so proud he is of being master in his own house, is willing to content himself with far less luxury than he may have been accustomed to in his parents’ house, and. if the cooking leaves something to be desired, he considers such shortcomings compensated by the act that he pays for everything, and that he is monarch of all he surveys. It is so true that there is no place like home, and that the meanest goo'ds’and chattels of one’s very own acquire a value quite independent of their real worth.

Compare, however, the experiences of a middle-aged bachelor and the woman who similarly postpones matrimony-. Both are probably accustomed, to the many forms of luxurious selfishness which those who live in single blessedness are prone to indulge in. The man has bis way in life, his set of acquaintances, his flat or lodgings. The woman has equally her way of life, her social circle, her club, and her own menage. One likes a late dinner, the other fancies an early one, and the digestion of each refuses to accommodate itself to the digestion of the other. Then the husband, from long habits of bachelorhood, has acquired a facility of smoking silently for hours together, to the umbrage of his wife. On her side, accustomed to independent coining and going, she finds it irksome to be unable to leave the house without at the same time giving reasons, explanations, and orders. This is the gloomy- side of late marriage. A more cheerful view suggests that a man is more capable of fixing his a flections after thirty years of age, and that any choice made before that age runs the risk of being immature: while after thirty, in the case of both men and women, the character is formed, and the affections, once bestowed, seldom’ swerve. The French have also a saying which implies that if no woman is worth looking at after thirty no girl is worth talking to before, which would seem to say that with-every year a woman gains something in tact, experience, and sympathy. the chief qualifications calculated to make home'ard husbanil happy.