ANECDOTES AND SKETCHES

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XXXVIII, Issue 1, 5 January 1907, Page 28

ANECDOTES AND SKETCHES

!iF HvRKoKS OF WAK. •*V -hall 'c -' *-t at sunrise to-mor-T- W U■ • ri:■ ir J--grim sorts. the two is-kl' r- -ne.tk d out of camp and disappear- 1 in the -atliei.ng evening shadows. Put their fun-1- ran low before midin.l tie- orb of day. cocking his s- lit cry .nd Inqui-itiv e eye over the horizon, the military pair only half sl»ot 4 4 4 'I UM EK TAX. “I "Y--. m\ —-l-. •*\V at is a -Unimex schoolt" “111. < summer xhool is one which is it. h. ■-.Honors in the summer limo.'’ “I w.ta'diTt like that sori of a -s-hool, pop "V* not. my ;* ’ “I'd ’» afraid of -ettiug tanned.'* ♦ ♦ ♦ HE KNEW THE BIRDS. “W.iL Casey.” said Wagley. “I hear the rops are so poor in Ireland that they can't even afford to keep scarecrow - t here.” “T • rutii’s n ot in ye.” replied Casey. ■Tib eonie now: you know very v*el; Ley haven't any scarecrows tl-ere.” ‘Haven't we. though? Shun?, many’s the line I've gathered the eggs o' them.” ♦ 4 ♦ T'.‘ Y«»l X., il<M -EWIFE'S I.ATE-T. '.:. the cook’s bseuee the young mistress of the house undertook, with the help ■' ,i grrf waitress. to get the Sunday luncheon. The Hurried maid, wi ■ • been struggling in the kitchen with a coffee machine that refuser! to work. • mfessed that she had forgotten t- wash the lettnee. "lie 1 . never mind. Eliza. Go on with t ! eoffee. and I'll -io it.” said the eonsi lerate mistress. -Where do you keep ♦ ♦ 4 S* HEME WORKED T<V> WELL. A eit. 'n .-lever parlour maul hurried l< her ; _ . ’.ling and ». id bi it ■■ <>!’. Miss Fanny, both of them young gents you ar. engaged to has called, and they're in the parlour together, ■ s they've found it you’ve I false to each, and it looks to me a 4 it t s going to so-ui terrible tremble.” What -ha" I di. What shall I io. >!.-- Fanny moaned. as her powder puff c •• . from her nerveless linger-. 1 ' sai the elever -i a i-.. after a moment of deep thought. ”I'll g- ai: ': -ay y-.ii're .lying your eyes ont t- yoi pa lest ail his money. T ■■ ■ : the one that stays?’ good!' Mi— Fanny cried. I ■: withdrew. s.>n minutes ’ —■ ■ - returned wit h au “1 - - ' she -aid. ♦ 4-4 Mi?. ' HAMHEItLAIX- OIK lUDS. ; the greatest - n • - <-f iut-r--e-t to Mr. t hainberiain during his indis-t-*-iti-‘n ha- hen hi- wonderful colleet ■ n of orchids. They are displayed in fine houses wht>h lead froeu his draw mg room. Tbits. let the weather Is- ■ ver so in lament, he may still visit his Is loved M-w-ms without let or hindrance from t - !erk of the weather. On-r--ol orchid has Iwen called after Mr. < haniherlain. who. since'he first turned hi» attention to these flowers, has made t.< ir < ultivatioa the absorbing reereatlon d his life. The (dorvil of which ha n-«-d to he most proud. however. «.«« t'.e t’attleya Autumnalia Vera. T'iss i« an nr-hwt with a history. It w ♦ • , famous and popular. Then it <ii-aytsar<xl as completely as if it had neier existed. For years it was lo»t. Hunter at !a-t rediscovered it, ami Mr. Chamberlain was not happy until hia noli- A:-n in- !udoi rne.

A BOVDOIR CONFIDENCE “ Bui why have you Lrokvn \onr engagement ? ’’ “ Well. I simply eouMn't marry a man with a broken nose? " Ab. I wonder how he got his nose broken, poor follow! •* Oh. I struck him accidentally with mv bras<ie when he was teaching me golf.” A TALL TREE YARN. Scott Cummins, tlic poet of \\ ineliester, Woods Cotuity, was a cow-puncher in the North-West many years ago. His outfit came to Snake River one day with 3000 cattle. Cummins, with a poet's license, relates what happened: ’ ” The river was too dangerous for swimming, but after following the bank a short distance the foreman found a giant reduced tree that had fallen across tl»e river. Fortunately, the tree was hollow, and. making a chute, they had no trouble in driving the cattle through the log to the other side. ”As the cattle had not been counted for several days, one of the cowboys was stationed to count them as they emerged from the log. The count feil short some ;W0 head, but about that time a distant lowing was heard. ” Their surprise may be imagined when on looking about they found that the cattle had wandered off into a hollow limb.” 4- 4- 4 BOTH IX THE SAME BOAT. At a recent dinner, which was attended by a number of clergymen. President Bm-kham. of the University of Vermont. told the following of Bishop Hall, of the episcopal diocese of Vermont, in response to some good-natured ehaff ahotit the lilieral views of the Congregational Church and the ease with which almost anybody could join it: He said lie had heard of a negro who ’:.id many times applied for membership iu St. Paul's Church at Burlington, but had not been able to satisfy the bishop that his state of mind entitled him to admission. The negro had been advise*' to pray that his spiritual condition might improve. After doing so he made a new app ■.cation. The bishop said to him: Well. Era<tus, have you prayed as ’ told you tot '* ■■ Yes. indeedy. suh: I done prayed an’ I done toie -1.- Lawd I wants to jine Paul’s Church, an’ de Lawd he s..y terne : - <;.ad luck. Rastus: I been tryin' to jine -i.it ehu’eh fo’ twenty years inahse'f.' ” ♦ 44 1,001) ENOUGH For him. There is a coloured preacher in Mobile who has - ' t modern doetrint - of his t brethren. on.- Sunday • ening. after p> a long -ermon bearing upon the "good old fa-hi--ned religious idea*.’ the divine paid his compliments to the ”news'angled religion” in no um-e.-tain -erms. Finally, he pounded the pulpit and wonnd up with. “An’ breddren. I wish tn say that when all i« >aid an.l done the hell . f my fathers is goo-1 enough for me,” 4 4 4 A WAsHIXGTOX WAITER. of a political tram-action t'at had a snspiciou* look a well-known senator said one day: '•Though in the thing there is nothing on whii-h we can-lay our hand, it certainly appears fishy. It reminds me of a Washington waiter. ‘‘A gentleman, after eating a good dinner, said to this waiter: ”T ant sorry I can't give yon a tip. but I find I have only ju»t enough money to pay the bill.’ •“The waiter seized the bill hurriedly. “ ‘Just let me add it up again, sir,’ he muttered." —Washington Star.*’

foolish ways of men. Ever watched a man as he takes a chair? He'll move it—every time —even if it's only an inch. He wouldn't sit in it just where it was for the world. Watch him next time, and see if he doesn't move it. A woman will seat herself ■without touching the chair—a woman is more philosophical anyhow. Men are queer creatures, as every one knows. A man will always stir his coffee before drinking it. This is very foolish—lie should taste it first to see it it needs stirring. Few men open their personal correspondence without looking at the postmarks to see the time of posting. Women, on the other hand, tear open the envelope at once; they are in too imrea of a hurry to waste any time. When a man puts on his hat he almost always looks inside it first. What

he experts to see remain, a mystery, bu* he looks for it all the same. He subjects the point of his pen to the same careful serutiay before commencing to write a letter. A womaa starts right off—jabs her pen in the inkpot and straightway begin- to -ciil-ble as if her life depended on it. It is the man who reeds with :.ia back to the light, bolding his bo--k in one hand. Herein lies wisdom. A woman rests her book on the table and leans both elbows thereon. But the foolishness of the man's act lies in the ‘act that lie is seeking comfort and seldom takes this position because it is tb« most scientific one. Of course, he finds it isn’t comfortal-le —his arm aehrs after the first ten minutes, whereupon he puts his book -town and remarks he is going out. It is the mas who lets out secret s—not by tolling thorn, but by ill timed silence. He does worse—by refusing to gratify the curiosity of his questioners he invariably causes them to jump to conclusions much more damaging than the truth of the matter.