HERE AND THERE.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XXXV, Issue 12, 23 September 1905, Page 15

HERE AND THERE.

Coiuin* Thro* the Lie. Gin a body fish all nightie. WT hfs “bait” hard by; Gin a body get no bitie. Need a body lie? Every fisher has his fishes, Nane they say. “hue I.” For every fisherman that wishes Gan buy them on the. sly. Gin the laddies see him st rut tie, I'oniin* frac the sale. A’ the laddies cry “chestnutlie” At the same old talc. Every fisher has his tiblde. And they wonder why That a’ the waiT lias grown fu‘ weary At that same fish lie. •s>■£•• r How to Be Popular. “While most arts,” says Lord ( hosier field. “require study and application, the most useful of all that of pleasing —requires only the desire.” One of the greatest investments one ran possibly make is that of attaining a gracious manner, generosity of feeling. Il is tetter than money capital. Pleasing personalities are always welcome, and are sought for everywhere. Many a youih owes his promotion or his first s' art in life to the disposition to please. No matter what career you enter, you cannot over-estimate the importance oi cultivating that charm of manner, those personal qualities, which attract people to you. They will take the place of capital or itilluence. They are often a substitute for a large amount of hard work. Some men attract business, customers, clients, patients, as naturally as magnets attract particles of steel. Everything seems to point their way. for the same reason that the steel particles point toward the magnet— because they are attracted. Such men are business magnets. Business moves toward tlieiiL even when they do not apparently make hall so much effort to get it as the less successful. Wasn’t Sure. Of the aspiring golfer and the critical caddie there arc no end of stories. In this particular case the player had ‘‘swiped” away gloriously, sometimes hitting the hall and sometimes hitting the atmosphere. “You don’t often go out with a worse player than me. do you. caddie?” The caddie was silent. “Why don't you answer me?” said the player sharply. “I was theeukin’.” replied the cautious caddie. “Man. I was jest theeukin’.” A Cloud Fancy. T seen yon airy cloud wind built and bright Drifting across the distant purple hill And thence wav out to seas of perfect bice. Where, like a galleon with empty sails. Il lingers lazily becalmed at rest Against the far horizon’s hanks of haze. W here grey gulls skim and indolently swirl. To me it in a little while suggests. With all its high puft’ed fantasies of snow And lilac indentations zephyr-spun. The picture of that very happy man Wlm in the finely illustrated “ad.” Displays his face so richly filagret'd Ami :t ra best | tied. bizarre and rococo. With that rare compound which is widely ’-now 11 As Slumpsky’s antiseptic shaving soap. And He Smiled. The railway guard’s duties, manifestly monotonous, are occasionally <liversified by a little fun. An old lady enlivened a northern .journey by asking the guard a good many que-tibns. “How long does the train stop here*” she inquired, as the train drew in at a certain station* “Four minutes. From two to two to two two.” And he smiled as he passed along, remembering the expression of the old lady’s face as she vainly tried to repeat “Iwo to two to two two” with* out whittling.

History Written in Menus. We British have only just discovered that a collection of menus forms one of the most interesting uf important events which could be made—; ami ail artistic record, too. A banquet generally marks a great occasion, ami st menu marks a banquet. Keep your menus, therefore. In twenty years it will he a pleasure to you to study them a while. The finest collection in the world is in the Astor library, in New York, and comprises 14,000 menus! Of the many menus of rulers it contains, only one is printed in the language of the people. With characteristic loyalty to things German. Emperor William requires the Royal menus to he printed in German instead of French. King Edward has adopted a half English half French medium that is an amusing compromise. The collection shows that we British are much prone to coloured work, the menus of royalty revealing some startling sunset effects, that of the Coronation luncheon for King Edward ami Queen Alexandra bring very striking indeed. Perhaps the most interesting card is one that reveals the extremities of siege life in Paris in the winter of 1870. when the Germans were stolidly camp ed before the city walls. Chris! mas of that year found the Parisians with scarce a delicacy for a holiday feast. But Ihr Cafe Voisin was n<d to be thwa rtrd. At a stupendous figure if arranged to serve the zoo for Christmas dinner. When the guests sat down that day (hey were treated to such dish?.- as elephant consomme, roast camel, kangaroo, wolf with deer same, and eat Hanked with rat. Told at Lord’s. At the Vai versify. Ratiji was calk'd Smith, because the students considered his proper name “too rich to he used on week-days.” Ou one occasion Ran.ji was playing in a match when the batsmen hit a terrific ball to square leg. where the Prince was fielding. The captain shouted to Rauji. “Now. then. Smith, don’t stand there grinning like a rat with your arms folded. Kun after Hie hall.” Then Rauji calmly produced the “leather” from his shirt pocket. Dr. W. G. (trace was once a participator in a similar incident. A ball from his own hat went into his pocket. If he had-re-moved it he would have been given out for handling the ball, and he thought of this just in time, and began to run. Then a scrimmage commenced. Several had seen the hall en’er his pocket, so all the field tried to stop him. This they succeeded in doing, ami got the ball at last from his pocket, hut not he- ’ fore the champion had secured several runs.

A Mcderu Doge. Mi George A. Kessler, <»! Xew \oi k , i iiiciiilm-i ol the famous chuittjrigtb* firm Alort and < immlon. recently gave a remarkable dinner at the- Savoy Hotel costing L’ 100 for <ach gups'. The court yard ul the hotel was iloodcd with w:it -i and the people dint'd in a gondola lavishly decorated. “Punch” lias the fol lowing delightfully sarcastic set »»( verses on the affair. It is called ' Doge Pour I*ire.” Jtut yeatciNlay an obscure niilliena’u One of a crowtl in hunls where such are Today, careering through the realms <»f air, Your name is Imh-u to earth's remotest region: You have enthralled, by <nie superb ml’ iti«»n, The Vni versa I Snob's im.iginat i«»o. Floated up a foiir-iiieh-deep lagoon. Recalling Hadrla by the help of Ims.'s. A mighty gondola was your saloon. Embowered amid a priceless line of roses; Ami on a smal’er boat the great Carus<’« Sang, being adequately paid t<» do s.». ’l'he wave was dyed a pure Italian blue; With pictured palaces the watts were garnished; There stood the Campanile raised anew. Amt all was Venice to the life, rc-var nished; Bar ducks and golden fish (exotic crewThese were original Savoyard features. Venice in London! She was here before. Rut m-ver .such a dural emitmlssa ria t (Three thousand pounds, they tell tm*. paid the scoret Staggered (lie ha trit of Lomlon’s prole’ aria I : Never has Earl’s <’ourt (charging f«»r admission) Made of itself so loud an exhibit ion The simpler Doges of ait earlier day Dropped wedding-rings into the Adriatic; Rut. though it meant good money (lira.,.: a way. ’l’he episode was always most dramatic; They never sank their wealth, aa far as we know. In your preposterous brand uf- watcrbeaiio! Sir! if. with dollars as y«»ur leading claim. On notoriety you have your liefif? ze(. It should he easy work to earn a name And he a Ituou <u. what is-.called tluSmait Set: But why not < liou.se w s*»nie. mm h<>il (such as charilyi Less open to the charge of mere vulgarity? Your arts arcjicw t<r <»tu: hruight -<! shores. Yet now aTnl ’then we rt';fd -a Yank-*** ,run:ouf , ; x v w ' Of some porlcnl<>its im*a! like’ Gils of v.ours. Aml say. “We hoped they had a <»f huinonr!’’ ShrJl that belief, whudi fond tradition ha! Be drowned in shin-deep iiuujl atioii sliaiI.mijva “Punch.’’ Russian Satire. All the nations, blind to the fninr*. are fawning upon victorious Japan. Great Britain, happy in Ihe fall of Russia. utters satirical expressions nt sympathy. America mean* to send ‘icr Secretary .of War ami a party of ceceatrio American ladies on a tour to I io? Mikado's realm. Frame, fearful of what may b<* in store for hnlo t hina, permits Japan to order her here ami there. Even th<‘ crowded 11ohcnzollern. who a few short years ago sounded the mo-l >olemn of warnings to the white race, make-* a dash to Ihe railway station in 'h'tliti to hail the little yellow prince non* Japan ami overwhelm him with hi*. .1tentions.- “Ra-viet.” St. Petersburg.

Sympathy. The b<»n<l of sympathy is made of any lether; Koine laugh, some sigh, some eve i vn together. Where Noah’s Arks Are Made. These are manufactured mostly in Kaxony. the arks and all their inmates being made by hand, in the homes of people who work in the field in summer, and who. whole families together, old ami young, devote their time in winter to the production of tlfese toys. Both arks and animals are not, however, produced under the same roof. Some families make nothing but the arks, while others make only animals. Arks and animals are subsequently assembled in the establishment of some toy manufacturer, who supplies the people with many, if not all, of the materials used in making the toys, who buys the finished products, and who Forts and packs them and makes them ready for market. It may be that a family for suecesFive general ions has been engaged in making ark animals from models handed down from father to son. The ybole family takes part in the work, father, mother, and all the children. It is really a little domestic factory, employing, all told, say half a dozen industrious pairs of hands, and they turn ouL a great number of finished animals. When Our Sh£p Comes In. tt’e dream of the noble things we’ll do, of the h« Ipfnll words we’ll say. Of the hearts we’ll cheer and the hearts we’ll inend* When our ship comes up the bay. But alas for the day that is passing by With never a kindly deed! .Ami alas for the hearts that are breaking For the want of kind words to speed! We toll of the wondrous gifts we’ll give To the helpless and sick and poor, How none that may want shall be turned From the shelter of our door; Bui we wait for our ship that never comes Ami we let the years go by, Till our kind thoughts fade in the misty Ami our hopes In the graveyard lie, Then pray, let us do what we can each To lighten earth’s sorrow’ and care, Let us smile and speak kindly and strive as we may To give of ourselves a share; For our ship is like castles in Spain, our own As long as the dream may last; But when dreams slip their anchor and drift away a TJ:cir white sails are lost in the past. A Small Advantage, During his recent visit to Washington. Joel (.'handler Harris, of “Uncle Item us” fame, told of a conversation that he once heard between two Georgia piccaninnies. They were discussing the recent conversion of the father of one of them. “Has y<>’ pappy quit whoppin* yon Fence he jined de church?” asked one of Hie piccaninnies of the other. “No. he ain't quit whippin’ me,” said the other, “but he’s quit sayin’ it hurts him worse? dan it does me!” Making Assurance Doubly Sure. in Lancashire the League cricket niahhcs played <m Saturdays arouse as much excitement as the more famous football games. On one occasion, owing to one of their players going astray, the visiting club were obliged to play their umpire, and they had to find a sub. for him. One of their most rabid supporters, who had accompanied the team, offered his services, and after an examination by the rival captains he was allowed to stand. He managed his duties fairly veil at the commencement, but after he had got rid of five of the opposing for very doubtful l.b.w.’s there were signs of dissent. The bowler, noticing how ma It ms stood, sang out confidently for an imaginary chance. “How's that?” •’Out!” answered the umpire. “What’s that you say?” exclaimed the opposing captain. “Ont, I toll thee; and, what’s more, I’ll bet thee a quid our side winsl”

Mother’s Eyes. ’Most always 1 don’t mind at all when Mother says to inc: “Come, dear, H’s bedtime.” and she puts me close up to her knee; The way she says it seems to make me say the same far down Inside <»f me, so that her words sound almost like my own. May Im*, perhaps, 1 want to play some more, or read my book, But I forget about such things when I see Mother's look. There’* something In my Mother's eyes when bedtime conies at night That makes me want to look at her and do tin* thing that’s right. At bedtime, Mother's eyes are strange, they are so soft and true; Iler words are very gentle, and her hands are gentle, too. We do not laugh, or talk, or play when she puts me to bed; We seem to want to wait and think of other things instead. Of course, we talk a little bit, but in a different way— The things wo think and talk of then don't seem to come by day. I ask her questions when Im there b< side her on the floor That I don't like to ask till then, or never thought before. Oh. I'm quite sure that Mother's eyes give thoughts for me to think. For when I look straight Into them they very seldom wink. Of course, her eyes can’t talk. I know, but, when I look, I see There's something in them every time that must be just for me. I do not tell her what I see, or of the pain it brings A Model Husband, Wife: “1 need a little more money.” Husband: “It is only two days since “Now, look here! T want yon to understand that I wouldn’t ask foi money if I didn't need it, and T don t intend to be reminded that it’s only two days since you gave me some- I am not a child, nor a menial, nor a slave, to be treated like an irresponsible being, and I just want you to know that I won't stand it either, so there now! I’ve, got just as much right to your money as you have, so there now, you ” “My dear. I was merely going io remark that it is only two days since I drew my salary, and you could have all you wanted.” New French Calendar. M. Camille Flammarion, the wellknown French astronomer, has decided to submit to the Chamber of Deputies, for adoption by the State, a new calendar. He makes the year begin with March 21, the advent of spring, a month of 31 days following every two months of 30 days each. The year would thus consist of 364 days, with a special feast day annually, while a leap year would have two such feast days. These extra days would be shown by special names, and not by the recognised names of the days of the week. The advantage of this arrangement, he says, would be that the same dates would always fall on the same week days, so that the calendar would remain stationary every year. A Bit at a Time. Among the few honorary members of the Authors’ Chib is Maarten Maartens. When, in the spring of 1895, the name of J. M. AT. van der Poortch Schwartz—■ for that is the real naniFe of the distinguished Dutch novelist—was brought up for election, there were some gaps of amazement. Th? late “Bill” Nye immediately' suggested that ’••io. membership committee act on the first half of the name at once, but hold over the rest until the autumn, when the weather would he cool. Summer Wisdom. Never too old to burn. Give the landlord his do. He that hesitates goes to the same old place. The bride goeth before them all. Uneasy lies the neck that wears the brown. Yon can lead a girl to the water, but you can’t make her swim. As well be charged for mutton as lamb. One touch of nature makes the whole world’s skin peel off. All are not galled and blistered. Bath-robes cover a multitude of thins.

Specifications. When an animal is killed on the railway it is the duty of the nearest stationmaster t<> immediately make a report of the accident to headquarters, so that the company' may be prepared with a statement of the facts in ease of action. This report, is made on specially prepared forms, furnished by the company. On one occasion, a newly-installed stationmaster found himself con fronted with the necessity of making out his first report. Although it was a new experience, lie described the cow and the circumstances accurately, and all went well down to the last line, when he discovered that he had neglected to question the owner of the deceased cow concerning one important point. It seemed safe, however, for him to rely upon his own judgment, and he did it. The line was headed, "Disposition of Cai eass.” Underneath he wrote, with all earnestness: “Kind and gentle.” Jenk ns' Joke. ’Tls a merry thing to lark and play; But give us Ihe joke that cuts one way, Watterson worked it on Jenkins at a restaurant lunch one noon; Jenkins took it with humour and promised to try it soon. . The scheme of it is that a server in passing a loaded plate, Just as its edge is touching the fingers that anxiously await, Loosens his grip a second and the plate seems like to fall, And rhe other goes snap! to catch it, as a shark grabs bait — that’s all! “You see,” said Watterson blandly, when Jenkins was taken in, “You only appear to drop it; but it works though, slick as a pin. Merely a slump of your elbow — your hand held slack, like that! And the feller’ll come up to get it like a bulldog chasing a cat.’’ / Then Jenkins made merry a moment and he gasped: "My Uncle John Is visiting us from the country. He's green! I'll try it on!” So he beamed that night on his uncle, and he clattered the carving knife; Heaped a plate with good things, and jovially winked at his wife. But his wife was extremely sour, for she didn't approve the plan. “A woman.” retorted Jenkins, “can’t relish a joke like a man. You'll notice the point though, this time. Keep perfectly quiet. Wait! There won't be a bit of trouble. I really don’t drop the plate. “Uncle, if you’ll allow me,” quoth Jenkins, so deboniar. - Uncle John was jack-knifed in the depths of his dining chair: But he rose like a pike to a minnow — rose with a mighty swoop. Dove with a yell, “I’ve got it!” into that family group: The table reeled into the corner, of cloth and its load swept clear, Part of the food on the carpet and part on the chandelier, Impressionist sketch on the ceiling with jelly and chocolate — And Uncle John triumphant, clutching an empty plate. ’Twas the whole of a dreadful minute ere Jenkins arose and spoke. Swabbing his gravied visage; but he failed to explain the joke. 'Tis a merry thing to lark and play, But give us the joke that works one £. way.

In Early Summer. Adown the sky the ehnid ship sends; The lily decks the moiinudn bay; Ami in our antique winter duds The blithe moth touts bis vlrvlay. AboutHlie twinkling mend the steer t’ir-lcs in an ecstatic lit, Ami by the spring chirk, ever dear, Our chaste auroral toast Is lit. Around the shanghai wildly ki.-ks Tin? bindscape in a lordly stylo; Am! quirk apace the milldog flicks The bug that dances on his smi’e. Across the sidewalk's moist expanse The small bey’s tops and marbles spin; While the mosquito hones bls lam <*, And tunes his moonlight mandolin. As bird notes ripple down our spine. The zephyr drifts across the slope. Its pinions fraught with kalsomine. Its whiskers primed with laundry soap. These fine days come on liiied feet Beneath a smiling turquoise sky. To lull us with the strangely sweet Adagio of the cherry pie, Which like a gentle dew descends Upon our souls with music rare, While incidentally it mends The ravelled trousers’ seat ef care, * Self-answered. We have often thought how nice it would be if examiners in schools would ask automatic back-action questions that would not require too much of the students—like these: 1. Watt was the name of the inventor of the steam-engine? 2. Ware was the terminus of John Gilpin’s famous ride? 3. Witch craft was persecuted by the puritans of New England? 4. Wye is a river running in Wessex* England ? 5. The inventor of the sewing-machine is called Howe? 6. If Sir Walter Scott’s dog was worth fifty pounds, what was his novel Kenilworth ? Women as Money-Lenders’ Spies. The part that women play hi the London money-lending business—or that branch of it which lends money in small amounts at large rates of interest—is a comparatively recent evolution. It is in collecting and “locating” that women find their largest sphere. They make excellent collectors —much better than men—as they frequently visit the places of employment of the borrowers, and after a time this becomes embarrassing. As a *Tocater” she is more particularly successful. She calls upon the last known place of employment of a dilatory client, and, pretending that she is a relation of his, soon finds out his nevV place. Beauty is a. universal passxvord, and in a quarter the time it would takq a man she traces the borrower, and serves him with a pressing notice from the money-lending firm. Women “sharks,” as they aie known, usually, work upon commission, and manage to earn good money.