Here and There.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XXXIII, Issue XIX, 5 November 1904, Page 13

Here and There.

New Name for the Japanese.—The Eikonoclasts.

There is so much good in the worst of us, There is so much bad in the best of us, That it ill becomes any of us To talk about the rest of us.

The editor of the “New York American” receives from Air Hearst a salary rivalling that of the President of the United States, namely, £lO,OOO a year.

The sale of the Marquis of Anglesey’s effects continues, and his 130 walkingsticks and umbrellas will shortly be offered to the public. We understand that the stick with a donkey on the handle is to be bought in.—“ Punch.”

It is untrue (says “Punch”) that we have decided to take no action in regard to the seizure and molestation of our shipping by Russian cruisers. We intend to be quite firm about calling the Russians “Pirates” in our newspapers —and serve them jolly well right.

Mere English as She is Wrote. —At a hotel at Socrabaja in Java is this notice: —■

From the hours fixed for meals on no account will be deviated. For damage to furniture the proprietor will avenge himself on the person committing the same.

Lord Disraeli was the first English statesman to thoroughly grasp the immense economic value of health to a nation. He believed and said that “the atmosphere in which we live has more to do with human happiness than all the accidents of fortune and all the acts of Governments.” Another saying of his was that. “Sanitary education is better than sanitary legislation.”

At the very moment when English and American readers take up the new collection of short stories which Mr Kipling is to issue shortly, the book will make its bow to the public of nearly every European country. Editions will then be published in Germany, France, Italy, Denmark, Sweden, and Norway. This is necessary for copyright purposes. The colonial edition will be ready before Christinas.

English as she is Written at Zermatt. —On the back of the business card of a Zermatt shoemaker is the following notice:—-

“Pay attention to this Visitors are kindly invited to brought your boots self to the sehoemaker, then they are frequently nagled by the Portier and that is very dammageable for boots and kosts the same price.”

It is not generally known that at certain seasons of the year it is warmer in Greenland than in Southern Europe. And this occurs during the long sunless winter of the Polar regions. The cause which leads to it is not unknown in other countries. Thus in Switzerland a warm, dry wind, called the foehm wind, at times blows down from the sndw-covered mountains in autumn and winter, and suddenly melts and carries off the snow, drying up the atmosphere.

A good story is told in “To-day” about the late Lord Salisbury and a certain wealthy member of Parliament whose views were not supposed to be those of his lordship. It was, however, more or less of an open secret that something in the way of a title would considerably alter his opinions, and, as the Conservatives were in office, the waverer naturally did his best to ingrain himself with the chief of that party. He found it by no means an easy affair, however. One day he met the late Premier, and began to strongly deprecate all manner of violent and bitter speech in political matters, saying it could do no good, and that both parties had their excellences. “1 never yet knew a man worthy of the name whose opinions were changed by a threat that he would be kicked downstairs,” he wound up. “No,” was th®

dry retort, “but I have met men whose opinions were changed by a promise that they would be kicked upstairs.”

The following list shows the ages of present European rulers: King of Denmark BG, King of Sweden 75, Emperor of Austria 73, King of the Belgians (HI. King of Roumania 65, King Edward VI I. 62, Sultan of Turkey 01. King of Greece 58, German Emperor 45. King of Portugal 40, The Czar 36. King of Italy 35. Queen of the Netherlands 23, King of Spain 17. The King of Spain, who comes last in this list, has been a King since the clav he was bora.

In the Northwestern United States there is a similar wind called the chinook wind. So in Greenland at irregular intervals a warm wind blows down from the snow-covered interior, bringing an extensive thaw in January and February. As a result we have the extraordinary fact that during eight, consecutive days in November and December. 1875, it was warmer in Jacokshavn. in latitude 69deg. 20mins., than in Northern Italy. Upernavik, another town of Greenland, was, during part of the time, warmer than the South of France.

Not long ago officials of the U.S.A. Department of Agriculture were much amused by a letter sent the department by an occasional correspondent in Virginia. Among other things, the writer hastened to advise the Secretary to this effect:

“My wife had a Tame eat that dyd. Being a Tortureshell and a.Grate faverit, we had the same berred in the Cardin, and for the enrichment of the soil I had the Carkis deposited under the roots of a Gooseberry Bush. (The Frute being up to then of the smooth varriety.) But the next Seson’s Frute, after the Cat was berred, the Gooseberrys was all Hairy—• and more Remarkable, the Caterpilers of the Same Bush was All of said Hairy description.”

The story that the Kaiser wears a sword in his bath, and has epaulettes on his sleeping suit, is devoid of foundation. It is an abominable invention of the So-cial-Democratic scoundrels, who are capable, as the Kaiser has often pointed out. of any form of blasphemy. It is not to be denied, however, that the daily path of his Imperial Majesty's duty leads him on the quietest day to his dressingroom a dozen times; and when “levees” occur, and the barest courtesy (as understood in the Royal household) demands that every foreign guest should be received in a uniform appropriate to his nationality, the Imperial valets have io be reinforeed. The only article of clothing which he never has worn is a dress-ing-gown, a garment foreign to the spirit of his House.—“ The Bystander.”

Mary Queen of Scots having had a turn again in history by the hand of Andrew Lang and in fiction by Maurice Hewlett, lifer no less remarkable, if less fascinating, cousin. Queen Elizabeth, is to have some new light thrown upon her character where light is most needed. Major Martin Hume, the author of “The Courtships of Queen Elizabeth,” who is in charge of the Elizabethan State papers at the British Museum, has lately unearthed a large number of original documents which are said to present Queen Bess in new phases as a woman no less than as a Queen. These papers will be used as material for two added chapters of the book named. The first edition treated the courtships merely from the political point of view.

Some interesting book-circulation figures are given by Mr. J. M. Dent, the publisher, in the “Book Monthly.” Of the Temple Shakespeare, Mr. Dent says he began the issue of it in 1894 with “The Tempest,” and subscribed 800 volumes of it to London booksellers. When the next volume was ready the subscription list went up to 6000 copies, and now, in round numbers. Mr. Dent's firm sells, altogether, in the course of twelve months, about a quarter of a million copies of (be Temple Shakespeare. Every year they send over 100.000 volumes of it to Ameri«

ca. The comedies sell better Ilian Ihe tragedies, “Much Ado About Nutbiug” heading the list, with the “Midsummer Night's Dream" second. Of the tragedies "Hamlet" is first. Of the attractive classics Mr. Dent also gives some figures. Dante's “Paradiso" had sold 20.000 copies since it was published. “Childe Harold,” on the other hand. ..ad not gone beyond a third of this number. “Cranford," again, had sold nearly 30.000 copies, and the "Little Flowers of St. Francis," in a comparatively short time, about as many. The Golden Book of Marcus Aurelius had been a conspicuous success.

The history of bombs extends over a period of rather more than a hundred years. The first bomb exploded (on Christmas Eve. 1800) was meant to kill Napoleon, then First Uonsßl- The First Consul escaped, but the casualties among Irs escort and the bystanders numbered about ISO. The author of the outrage was a certain Saint-Rejant, who committed it in the interest of the Royalists. The second incident of the kind was the attempt of Fieschi, aided by a groeer and a sofa-stutfer, to blow up Louis Philippe, on July 28, 1835. More than 50 persons were killed, though the King himself escaped unhurt. Next comes Orsini’s attempt to blow up Napoleon 111., ou his way to the opera. In connection with this outrage there were 2000 arrests, and 400 of the persons arrested, most of them quite innocent of anything more than hostility to the Emperor on general principles, were transported to the penal settlements. —“Westminster Gazette.”

An odd name (siys the “Chicago News”) seems to be a good advertisement for a newspaper in the Far West. Probably that, is why the “Sedalia Bazoo,” the “Texas Jimplobute,” anil the “Tombstone Epitaph” of other days have plenty of imitators or successors. Kansas and Oklahoma are particularly prolific in newspaper titles of this type. The “Shawnee Daily Dinner Bell” no doubt expected its name to have a welcome sound to the people of the region, but the founders of the “Kingfisher Kicker,” of the “Thomas County Cat,” or of the “Western Cyclone” could not so expect. The “Pottawatomie County Plain People” has a good sound, and so has the “Hill City Lively Times.” The “Kansas Cowboy,” the “Comanche Chief,” and the “Kiowa Chief" are picturesque, while singularity is the strong recommendation of the “Ensign Razzoop,” the “Jay Hawkeye," the “Prairie Dog,” the “Prairie Owl," the “Whimwliam,” the “Open Eye,” thfe “Fanatic,” and the “Grigsby City Scorcher.”

I proved mv Indy, ot her pitiful grace. For the white rose that lay upon her dress. Fair, but no fairer than my lady’s face. Pure, hut no purer than her loveliness; And my dear lady gazed on me a space. Then yielded me the prize ; And the soft love-light shining in her eyes Made of the gift almost a shy caress. Thon of my dearest love did T entreat Pardon, if 1 this crowning boon should crave:— That I might kneel before her dainty feet; That she should deck me with the flower she gave. Whereat she blushed; yet, being kind as sweet. Bowed to my soft behest— Yea, pinned her delicate favour on my breast: Sweet rose, that made me evermore bee slave. O flower. O happy flower, my lady's flower! O sorry flower, so soon, alas, to shrink? Where hast thou fled? To what Elysian bower Hiro’ the far shadows of the Stygian brink? Would I had prest thee ere the fateful hour When, seeing thou didst fade. With horrid clutch the wanton chambermaid Tost thee, poor jetsam, to the pantry sink! Now do I brood no more upon my pain, Nor would impeach th’ ungodly for her sin. For I have found a pledge, oh, strong of grain Beyond all flowers, and I rejoice therein. Pass on. dead rose! My lady’s gifts wore twain. The breast thou lea vest bare Hath solace in the bond that bold thee there! And I take comfort in my lady's IMn. •‘My Lady's Gift,” by Dum-dum.

The representative of a well known 'American journal asked Mr Ford Maddox Hueffer t who is a nephew of the RoBettis) how he wrote his books. Mr Huetter, who, in spile of his lineage, is a scoffer of the pre-Raphaelite inysteisin, replied, “I never write anything un’esi 1 am standing up with si tame duckling fast asleep between my fee*.” The story was reproduced in all seriousness in the literary column, to the huge enjoyment of Mi' Huetter and his friends.

A man named Book was admitted to the Auckland Hospital last we-k Buffering from injuries to the chest, most peculiarly received. He was on horseback at Wharchine, near I’ort Albert, chasing a bullock, and was at the time carrying an axe. The bullock swerved, and, fearing a collision, I’ook threw the axe in front of him bo as to have it out of the way. Almost at the same instant his horse came into collision with the, bullo -k. the impact being so violent that the rider was thrown to the ground. It seems almost incredible, but the axe had landed blade upwards, and Took fell upon the edge of it, the result being that he received a severe wound, the blade penetrating the cavity’ of the chest.

We understand Messrs Hatriek and Co. have decided to locate a steamer pcrmanetly at the Taumarunui end of the Wanganui river to junction with the Central railway, so that in ease of accident at any time to the up-river boat, which occasionally does happen, owing to the unimproved condition of the river, passengers can rely’ on being taken through to Wanganui. This enables Messrs Hatriek ami Co. to at onee duplicate the service. A steamer will therefore in future leave Taumarunui every Tuesday and Saturday morning for I’ipiriki, the passengers by the Tuesday boat reaching Wanganui early on Wednesday afternoon, and the Saturday passengers on the Monday, as at preBent. The opening up of t his river service connecting with the Central railway’, and the very great difficulties that have had to be overcome, it is pleasing to note are being surmounted so quickly. No one who lias not travelled on the Wanganui River has any concept ion of the difficulties. The scenery is the finest in the world, but the steam-boating is the most difficult. .

There is a prominent member of the Stock Exchange who tells the fol’owing etory against himself, or, rather, against his better half. It seems their house was badly in want of repairs in regard to plumbing work, and accordingly a master plumber was called in to effect the necessary renovations. He was taken first to the dining-room by the butler, where, after a few minutes had passed, the Tady of the house put in an appeal a nee. Not liking the look of the plumber, ehe ordered the butler to move the silver from the sideboard and to look it up at once. The man of lead rose from his knees, took out the money from his pockets, removed a gun-metal watch ami steel chain, and, handing them to his helper, remarked: ‘■Here. Toni., take this home to my missus at onee.” In ‘-Cassell’s Magazine” Mr Rudolph de Cordova describes the newspapers which form so marked a feature of prison life in America. As may naturally be supposed, he says, contributions in the reflective, religious, and sentimental veins occupy the greatest spare, but there is not a little humour scattered through every- one of the papers. Who will not appreciate the following: "Mr Meredith, the novelist, is mi longer able to take long walks in the country-,” writes a correspondent. ‘‘Mr Meredith has our sympathy, We have been thus afflicted for several years." Another contributor, also capable of looking on the bright side of things, wiote: •‘The inmates of this institution have agreed, in view of the recent rise in the price of beef, to abstain from eating porter-house steak.” This last statement, by the way, shows that the prisoners are not debarred from a knowledge of what is going on ill the world they have left. Indeed, several of the yiapers print columns of news giving the aits without any comment, while oeeasiimgHy important items of cabled intelligence are taken from the leading papers and reprinted if they’ are likely to be interesting to the readers.

They lire in a quiet sort of way In a quiet sort of a street, x They don’t meet a great Hinny people, nor Imprest* the people they me6t. The neAVHjniprrs never mention their names. The world doesn't euro what they do, They never go in for anything much, And their intimate friends are f w. Ho never has had a favourite Hub, Though somebody said he might, l’« r a fiat little n<h.e on the window pane A waits him every night; And eight little fingers and two little thumbs I ndo all tho work of th° comb. As he sits in the «;»ietest sort of way In his quietest sort of home. She doesn’t belong tn n Woman's Chib, She hasn't a single fad. She spends her time with a blue-eyed hiss And a mischievous little lad. She never unraveled a Problem of Life, She doesn't know lots of tilings. She plays with the ••kids” and works all And most of the time she s’vgs. He isn’t like most other husbands at al\ She isn't like must other wivis, And they never attempt to make a change In the course of their quiet lives: Bua once in a while they dress the “kids,” Ami go to spend the day In a nice little quiet country spot In a nice little quiet way. •‘Vnintcresting People,” By Maurice Brown Kirby.

A new method of laying the dust was the subject of a letter from the Auckland Tramways Company at the City Council meeting last week. The Company proposed that during the dry weather a trial of “Westrumite*’ should he made for keeping down dust along Ponsonby-road. Symonds-streot, and part of Karangahape-road. They had in stock about live tons of the material, which would sprinkle seven or eight miles of roadway. The material was claimed io have l>ecn found in Europe to be effective for over len weeks. The Westrumite imported by them cost £‘9s, which they were willing to pay provided the Council would do the trial sprinkling under the Company’s supervision. The sprinkling required to be done, preferably at night, when traffic had ceased. The fluid could be sprinkled with the ordinary water carts, and emitted a slight odour of almonds. The city engineer recommended a trial. On the motion of the Mayor it was decided to accede to the request.

T am put. upon sartorial .considerations by the receipt, per post, of a tailor’s bill. That is what it comes to,’ though it presents itself in the less obtrusive form of a half-yearly statement of account. Semiannually I receive these statements; and my way of thinking wiil have altogether altered when the presentment of them ceases. For,4n my view, it does not do to have ready-money transactions with one’s tailor. He is too intimately concerned with one to be treated on such a system, ft is unwise 1o bring his interest in you to an end by a cash-on-delivery payment for every garment be; sends home to you. You put yourself perpetually in the position of a new customer; you are liable to have the tape put over you “de novo”; it may even happen that you do not get the same cutter. Whereas a periodical statement of account not only obviates all these “desagremens,” but ensures yen something in the nature of solidarity. T had a tailor once—l wish I had him still! —who would deferentially refer to his latest contribution to my wardrobe as •‘our’’ coat. If is hot to be supposed for a moment that he would have felt that personal interest in that coat if it had been paid for aero- s the counter.—“ Pall Mall Gazette.”

Polyandry is generally practised in Tibet. The right to possession of a wife by her numerous husbands is determined by age. When the oldest is not engaged in some expedition which keeps him absent from the encampment he places his boots and weapons over the entrance to the dwelling, and until he is gone Hie others are obliged io keep away, when the next in age takes up the ownership of - the joint property. Should the eldest husband die, however, the rights of succession arc; determined by font of might, which practice gives rise not infrequently Io long, protracted, and bloody feuds. Ownership of a woman is secured by purchase, the father, however, having the right to dispose of his daughter to as many suitors as come after her. The various ceremonial rites attending mortuary customs are fully ns curious. When a chief or other influential member of a village dies bis remains arc placed in some spot in the open plain, to be subject to the attack of wild b< asts and birds. This is dune in the ba-

lief that all the evil part«._wilT be eonsumeiL am! only the good features of the deceased allowed to pass to “The Perfect Peace.” The body is cut up -into a mimlier of pieces, each piece being buried in a different spot; in this manner the head, which is supposed to contain the original spirit, will be surrounded by as many retainers in the next world as there arc disjointed portions of the body. The -number of pieces into which the body is cut is determined solely by’ the rank of the individual. Thus, is a chief the corpse may be cut up into a dozen or more pieces, while in the case of a warrior the body is merely- eut in t wo.

The Union Company’s annual trips to the West Coast .Sounds of New Zealand have earned a reputation which extends far beyond the limits of the colonies. A large number of tourists visit New Zealand yearly in order to avail themselves of the opportunity thus afforded of visiting this wonderland. These trips to the Sounds are quite unique, and partake more of the nature of a social picnic than of an ordinary sea excursion. Most of the travelling is done in the early morning before breakfast, and as the Sounds are distant but a few miles from each other, the vessel is only at sea for an hour or two each clay; the remainder of the time is spent steaming up and down in perfectly smooth water, or lying at. anchor in the: Sounds. A launch and a fleet of boats are placed at the disposal of passengers, who can arrange fishing and sketching expeditions as well as p’enies on shore. The cruise this season wiil be made in January next, as usual, ami will occupy 14 days from Dunedin and back. The s.s. Waikare will again be employed. She will take her departure from Sydney about, •Saturday, January 7. proceeding via ■Wellington and Lyttelton to Dunedin, where she will arrive about Saturday, January 14. She will leave for the Sounds on the 17th. The round trip from Sydney will occupy slightly over four weeks. New Zealand passengers will join the Waikare at Dunedin, and the voyage to nr from Dunedin may be broken at any port en route.

That anyone could be taught to swim without going near water seems to be impossible. Yet it is being done in Germany, France, England, and America, and might well be done elsewhere. Besides being useful in the way of teaching children how to acquire the most useful art of swimming, the method is an excellent form of physical culture.

Dr. Roth, an eminent Berlin medical piaetitiolier, conceived the idea many years ago, but it seemed so ridiculous that he had much difficulty in persuading any school to adopt his system. Still, he at last succeeded, and to-day has the satisfaction, of..knowing that all boys and girls attending the French National schools are being taught swimming on his system, somewhat modified though it may be. The London School Bcarcl did not see any wisdom in adopting the system, but it has nevertheless found its way into many private schools. In America, too, quite a. number of schools have done the same, although the? educational authorities have not officially recognised t he method. The children go through the move-

ments of the arms, shoulders, and legß an though they were in the water. Jhß teaeher calls out a number, as though he were simply putting the children through a course of physical instruction. Having mastered the drill, the more advanced pupils are taught to repeat th* movements on a desk or stool, and they, nre thus able to "counterfeit the motions of a swimmer when in the water. Then follows a visit to the baths, and there ia an almost total absence of lack of confidence. This is the one great obstacle in the way of learning to swim quickly. Children who have been taught to swim on laud are able to swim well after repeating in’ the water “the motions they, have learned.

The swimming drill expands the chest, strengthens the arms, legs, and the muscles. No appliances at all are used.

“Turtles, sir,” said Old Bill, a Cayman Island turtle catcher discoursing on his cargo, “is curious creatures, and 1 never knew of any chap as understood ’em properly. 1 have tried to train ’em and teach ’em all kinds of tricks, but something’s always happened. A nigger chap from the Cayman Islands gave ne a young -turtle, which I brought up by hand, and had him with me on board ship for over four years. He got to know me,” said the old sailor, “and when I used to sing out “Below’ there, Tommy!’ he would climb up the foc’sle ladder in a surprising sort of manner. Tommy was very intelligent, and was never happier than when he was playing deck quoits and shuffle-board with the lirst-elass passengers. He had a good deal of dignity, too, and would never bemean himself by playing with the second or third-class passengers, or the crew forward. “I lost him one stormy night in the Bay of Biscay,” added Bill pathetically; “he was last seen playing in the lee scrappers with one of the ship’s boys, and neither of them could' be found next morning. Whether the boy shoved Tommy out of the forward deck port and went for a cruise riding on hia back is more than me and the cook could ever tell. 1 was so cut up about Tommy’s mysterious end that I have never attempted to train another turtle,” said the bosun’s yeoman, “and I never shall. Turtles are slow and thoughtful in their movements, and I never heard of anyone starling a raping stable with ’em, except that ere De Rougemont chap. All cur family have been partial to turtles; and my. grandfather, who was captain of a whaler, took a special interest in them. He was a curious old chap, and one day he caugl.-t a big green turtle, then fixed in iron ring to the shell, and landed him on one of the uninhabited islands in the Pacific Ocean. My grandfather took the turtle, put him in a certain position, and then took the exact bearings with his quadrant and compass, marked it on a chart, and returned to his ship. It was five years before my grandfather saw the island again, and on landing there was the sagne-old turtle basking iu the hot sun. On taking fresh observations, it was found that during the five years he had only moved his starboard flapper 1 5-Sin, to the S.S.W.”

during the recent wet weather. The keeper of Lake House has informed the Tourist Department four Parliamentary correspondent wires) that on the 16th inst. there were 30 inches of water in the boathouse (which is about 15 feet above the normal level of the lake), and that the orchard was also submerged to a considerable depth. Much damage .was feared if the waters did not quickly subsided The natural outlet is too small to carry off flood waters from the big area draining into the Lake. Tlierc has also been much damage to roads in the locality, and the keeper reckoned that it would take twenty men till the 20tb November to repair the road between Waikaremoana and Orepoto (the Lakes end) to enable the coach to get through.

I am dizzy, Lizzie, dizzy, sick with waiting at the ’phone, For they always answer “busy” when I call you up, my own! ••Busy.” Lizzie, pray who is he? Who’s the rival that I fear? Is he busy, dizzy Lizzie, busy buzzing round you, dear?

[A physician declares early rising is bad for morals and manners. “Criminals,”. he says, “are always recruited from the early rising classes.”] Do not call me very early If you’re waking, mother dear. Lest I grow up sour and surly, Do not call me very early Lest a burglar bad and burly You to your regret should rear. Do not call me very early If you’re waking, mother d ar! “The World.” He gave his days to dreaming, And high content was his; Great store he had of learning In all the mysteries. lie thought, when he was wakened, ’Twas now his hour lo live; But Time, the kind old Father, Had only death to give. T “The Dreamer.” By 11. D. Lowry in “Pall Mall.” — In an article in the “Fortnightly Review” on Mr Balfour, Mr K. B. IwanMuller gives the following time-tables of two very average days of the Prime Minister’s work during the session of Parliament: — Ordinary Day: Till noon — Correspondence and Patronage Questions dealt with. 12.0—Interview with Chief Whip on House of Commons arrangements, and conferences on official business with colleagues and others, ete. 1.30— Luncheon. 2.ls—At the House of Commons. 3.o—Conference on the preparation of • bill with Minister in charge anil the draftsman. 4.30— Despatches to approve and other official papers to be dealt with. 6.0 —Discussion on business to be brought before the Defence Committee. 7.45 — Dinner. 9.0 till 12.0—House of Commons. In his place to take part in debate. Cabinet Day: Till 11.45—Correspondence, etc. 12.0 noon till I.4s—Cabinet. 1.45 — Luncheon. 2.ls—At the House of Commons. 3 O—A deputation to meet, or to see Ministers going or returning to posts abroad. 4.o—Meeting of a Committee of Cabinet. 5.30 — Interview with the Secretary for Foreign Affairs. ; 7.0 — Audience at Buckingham Palaee. 7.45 — Dinner. 9.0 till 12.0—House of Commons. Dispatches and official papers to read. Interviews with colleagues and Head Whip on arrangement of business, and as to debates, etc.

Tlie latest number of “Life” in a review of a book called “Red Pagan,” by A. G. Stephen’s, who writes the Sydney “Bulletin’s” “Red Page,” has some remarks about the “Bulletin” which will bear repeating:—“The truth is, Mr Stephens does not do himself justice. Hs has knowledge, courage, vision, and that natural sense of the music of words which makes style possible. But he is eonveu-tion-ridden. The most convention-ridden journal in Australia is the ‘Bulletin,’ .which is supposed to be committing perpfliuul assaults on all ct>ni entions. Does not everybody know beforehand exactly what the ‘Bulletin’ will say on any posBible topic, or about any possible individual? Its literary formulae—its tricks of style, the turn of its paragraphs, the •ecent of fts style—all are as mechanical, •nd as.familiar, as the trot of an old

horse. Its paragraphs might be turnd out, as bricks are, by a sufficiently ingenious machine. And the intellectual conventions of the ‘Bulletin’ arc as mechanical and arbitrary as the jerk of its literary style. It must be iconoclastic at all risks. It would be ruined if it admitted that it admired anything. or anybody. It must talk with an air of wearied and sated wisdom; of wisdom that knows everything, and has found out everybody, and respects nothing.

“John Morley, in the ciude and early stage of his literary development, insisted on spelling ‘God’ with a small ‘g,’ till somebody pricked even his sense of the ridiculous by always spelling his name with small letters. To see himself described as ‘jolm morley’ was 100 much fur even Mr Morley’s philosophy.

“Now the ‘Bulletin’s’ chief idea of humour is to spell everybody's name with small letters. If for a single issue it were, for example, to use the ordinary terms of courtesy towards everybody, its own readers would not recognise it. To label a politician with a grotesque ep it he 5 is a delightfully easy way of proving his whole policy hopelessly wrong. If Sir William Lyne, for example, is always referred to as ’Bill Lyne,’ all the ends of logic are answered. The ‘Bulletin's’ reputation for humour, we repeat, would suffer mournful injury if it were to admit for a single issue that a woman might be chaste, a politician honest, a missionary not a fool, a Christian man not a hypocrite, or that God could possibly be a factor in human life.”

A peculiar situation arose in the Magistrate’s Court, Auckland, last week, when three workmen belonging to the Carpenters’ Union were prosecuted by the secretary for arrears of dues. The men concerned were A. P. Cooper. Jas. Harris and F. Newson. All these disputed liability, chiefly on the ground that, according to the rules, as they interpreted them, they were not members, and therefore not liable for the dues. They said that the union had not been any use to them. The magistrate put a different interpretation on the rules, and he ordered the payment of the money due (£3 5/), with costs 32/, in each case. The men were very sore about it, and disputed the matter with the magistrate (Mr Kettle) very warmly. Mr Kettle advised them that they should have seen a lawyer before they came to the Court if they thought they had a case, and he was willing to give them an opportunity to get one even at that stage. The concession was not taken advantage of, nor was the privilege of appeal offered by the magistrate taken up. The truth of the case appeared to be that though there had been irregularities of some sort in each case the men admitted their membership, and were treated as members.

Adding machines are the latest refinement in offices in the United Stales. These machines are. now extensively used in all office and factory computations, such as balancing and averaging accounts, discounts, addition, multiplication, and division and combinations of these operations. These machines come from Switzerland and Germany, and so useful have they become that the office .‘•faff will actually wait for a machine rather than attempt the simplest mental calculation. The listing machines, which have an adding attachment, are those commonly seen in banks and public companies. They add and list forty items per minute in the hands of an expert operator, and as the necessary manual dexterity is more commonly developed by young men than by those of maturer years, the substitution of machine work for the high-priced trained accountant is accomplished without sacrifice of accuracy. The “Addograph” is an improved design combining the work of the typewriting machine and adding machine in one operation, the nine numeral keys of the typewriter keyboard setting the eightyone numeral keys of the adding machine. This machine is available at all times for correspondence or other work ordinarily required of such devices. It is particularly adapted for writing invoices and sales book records in one operation, being a substitute for the “billing” machines or “book typewriters” that are now becoming as essential in a commercial house as the indispensable typewriter. A compact adder is a small, very portable device, being 4byll by J inches. Sliding bars represent various orders in the decimal notation, the lowest and nearest side

being units, the next hundreds, and so on. The adder is operated by placing the finger upon the knobs opposite the proper figures and moving them to the right or left until stopped by the edge of the plate. In the portable class there is another notable device which is only 4J by 14 by J inches, which is sufficiently compact to readily go into the poeket. The mechanism consists of endless chains in contact with numeral discs, which are operated by means of a stylus or blunt-pointed instrument resembling a lead-pencil.

In his latest volume of reprints, Maurice Maeterlinck devotes an es ay to the motor-ear. “Beneath my tremulous hand the monster is alert and docile; and on either side of the road the cornfields flow peacefully onward, true rivers of green. 1 torch the inagieal handles. I'h • fairy horse obeys. It stops abruptly. One short moan, and its life has all ebbe I away, it is now nothing more than a vast, inert mass of metal’. How to resuscitate it? I descend, and eagerly in sped the corpse. The plains, whose submissive immensity 1 have been braving, begin tot contemplate revenge. Now tl a 4 1 have ceased to move, they fling themselves further and wider around me. The blue distance seems to recede, the sky to recoil. I am lost among the impassable cornfields, whose myriad heads press forward, whispering softly, craning to see what 1 am proposing to do; while the poppies, in tire midst of that undulating crowd, nod their red caps and burst into thousand-fold laughter. But no matter. Aly recent science is sure of itself. Tire liippogriir revives, gives its first snort of life, and then departs once more, singing its song. 1 reconquer the plains, which again bow down before me. I give a slow turn to the mysterious ‘advance igni.ion’ lever, and regulate carefully the admission of the petrol. The pace-grows faster and faster, the delirious wheels cry aloud in their gladness. Ami at first the road comes moving towards mo, like a bride waving palms, rhythmically keeping time to some joyous melody. But soon it grows frantic, springs forward, and throws itself madly upon me, rushing under the car like a furious torrent, whose form lashes my face; it drowns me beneath its waves, it blinds me with its breath. Oh, that wonderful breath! it is rs though wings, as though myriad wings no eye can see, transparent wings of grea supernatural birds that have their homes on invisible mountains swept ly eternal snow, have come to refresh my eyes and my brow with their overwhelming fragrance. Now. the road drops sheer into the abyss, and the magical carriage rushes ahead of it. The trees, that for s > many slow-moving years have s rcti-'ly dwelt on its borders, shrink back in dread of disaster. They seem to bo hastening one to the other, to approach their green heads, and in startled groups to debate how to bar the way of the strange apparition. But as this rushes onward, they take panic, and scatter and fly, each one quickly seeking its own habitual place; and as I pass them they bend tumultuously forward, and their myriad leaves, quick to the mad joy of the force that is chanting its hymn, murmur in niv ears tlie voluble psalm of Space, acclaimuig and greeting the enemy that hitherto has always been conquered, but now, at last, triumphs: Speed.”

The following dialogue, “The Honeymoon” (with asides), is from “The Smart Set":

She: Do you love me? . □. He: Do 1 love you? (Great Scott, but I’m getting tired of this.)

You know, dear, how much I love you.

She: But do you love me as much as you did? You called me “darling” yesterday. and now it’s just "dear.” He: You silly little goose. (Oh, what a jar! Heavens, have 1 got to keep up this lovey-dovey business forever?) As if outward expression of any sort was adequate to describe my feelings for you. Why, my darling precious little sweetheart, I She: That’s better. Now, kiss me. Ho: There, how’s that? (Oh. my. oh, my. I haven't had a smoke for three hours, and there’s no prospect of being able to break awav.) And that! And that! She: Well, why do you slop? He: 1 wasn't stopping, dearie. (What’s the use?) I was only getting my second wind. (Oh, what can Ido to sneak away for a little rest? Let me see.) By Jove, that reminds me. She: Of what? 1 hope it’s of me. He: Oh. of course. (Isn't this fierce? Why, I can’t even take a vacation in my mind.) Yes. it was of you, pct, in a way. The fact- is, I haven’t got our return tickets yet. (Now for a quiet hour by myself.) She: Must you get them now? He: Oh, yes. sweetie. (“Sweetie" is a new one. Hope she notices it.) The seats must be secured at once, you know. She: Then I will go witli you. He: (The deuce!) But, my honey-jam (there’s another!), can you stand the walk? It’s several blocks, and they’re long ones, too. (I begin to see my finish!) She: But why walk, darling? Why not get a carriage? You know we can drive slow, and puli down the blinds. He: (Well there doesn’t seem to be any rest for tlie weary. And if any max needs a change, i do. Three weeks now of lovey-dovey! My, but this is wearying.) Why, that’s so, my peacheriuet I hadn’t thought of that. I’ll run right downstairs and order a carriage at once. (It will tak“ ten minutes anyway without arousing her suspicions. That will give me a breathing spell.) She: You cruel, horrid thing! He: (Now I’m up against it again!} Wily, precious pet, what do you mean? She: I just know you don’t love mt He: (Now wouldn't that jar you!) But, darling, what have I done? She: Why, don't you know you can ring for a carriage?

He: (I’m in for it now!) Why, sure! Of course. Why didn’t 1 think of it before ?

She (tapping him gently on the cheek) : Well, never mind. But now. you careless, forgetful boy, you'll have to make it up to me.

He: (What’s the use?) Of course, sweetmeat! What now?

She: I shall expect you to kiss me one thousand times without stopping!

He: (And all I’ve got. to look forward to is a lifetime of this!) Yes, sugaf plum!