The Graphic's Funny Leaf

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XXXIII, Issue XVIII, 29 October 1904, Page 68

The Graphic's Funny Leaf

( A USE OF TROUBLE GONE. She. on married me for my money! lie: Well, don’t grieve over it now. Il’s all gone! TO TAKE OUT THE STING. Ever think, boys, that the fingers lII.K spank you were once referred to as tapering fingers? TACT. Ihe second time a man calls on a (•lexer girl, she tells him she knows his step. THE LAZY MAX’S WAY. W hen I want to broaden my shoulders No physical culture for me. I’ll just hie me down to the tailor's, Eor he does it quickf. you see. .MODERN POLITICS. “What, do you think of the platform?” “It’s great,” said Senator Flubb. “There isn’t a plank in it that can’t be twisted around to mean something else.” WELL NAMED. "He's employed by the railway com pany now. I understand?” “Yes; he has charge of the puzzle depart incut.” •‘The what?” “He makes out the tinie-1 aides!” MORE IN HIS LINE. "The secret of success.’’ said th - old • ••an impressively. “is hard work.” “•hist so.” said his son. suppressing a yawn, “but I wasn’t e actly looking lor tin secret of success. I was trying 1“ Und an agreeable substitute!” MODERN COMPLICATIONS. Mr Millyuns: “Now. Tommy, you must go to school and work lard. Why. look al Im*! I started without a penny, and now I'm a mi'li na ire. ’ Tummy: “Y< s. I know'. Rut you can t do it any more. They all have r.ish r gisters now.” AN IMPORTANT POINT. The Sage: ‘‘Remember, young man' the road to bell is paved with good in t entions.*’ Tin* Youth: “Is that a fact? How do you suppose it will bp for automobil ing?” \ DELICATE PO’NT. < iistomei: “Why doesn’t that spin ster. Miss Brown, deal al your -bop any more ?” Draper: “One of m\ ch rk< insupod her.” "How?” “She overbe’rd him hdling some oiv that sh<‘ was our oldest custom r.” THE “DEVIL'S OWN.” ‘‘Where were you when the shot was tired?” asked the judge of the female witness. “I was lying on the sofa in our sit t;.ig room.” was the reply. “And where was your husband?” ask ed the judge. “He was probably lying down at the Police Court!” answered the witness. “He is a law, er. von know !”

CONSOLING. "I have come to tell you, sir, that the photographs which you took of us the other day are not at all satisfactory. Why, my little boy looks like an ape'” "Well. madam, you should have thought of that before you had him taken!”

HE GOT A SHILLING. “A great, big, able-bodied man like yo.< ought to be ashamed to ask a stranger for money,” said the well-to-do citizen. “I know I ought,” answered Meandering Mike. “But, mister, I’m je.s’ naturally too kind hearted to tap ’im on de head and take it away from him.”

A CHANGE. “He used to pride himself on the fact that he always says what he thinks.” “Yes. but that was before he met Bif fer. Now he always thinks what he says.” A VEIN OF GENIUS. Shaw: “He has the inventive faculty very highly developed.” Martin: “What has he invented? Nothing so far as I know. But when his wife goes out he can think of things to keep the baby amused by the hour!” THEN AND NOW. “Oh. Charles!” exclaimed the young wife, “it was nearly midnight before you got home last night.” “Well, well!” exclaimed Charles, “you women are so inconsistent. Before we were married you didn’t care how late I got home.”

RESPECTFUL SUGGESTIONS TO MOTOR CAR ENTHUSIASTS IN NEW ZEALAND.

The new horse armour and tyre buster for practical use by horsemen on the road.

The brake test—from full speed to a r i The forty yard speed test. How long will it take to run down a pedestrian a standstill in four yards. " lth t( '" v«rds start 1

Test of new style of armour for the chauffeur.

In the mosquito season. No machine ready fur the road without this test.

A successful test of the new automobile cow-catcher.

Closed'. Open and in use. The Extender. (Designed for the use of nervous pedestrians.)