Do Widowers Make Good Husbands ?

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XXXII, Issue XIV, 2 April 1904, Page 64

Do Widowers Make Good Husbands ?

i iieii: Qi'Ai.ri if> filly DISC T’SSED. Ilivrv i* ii<» gainsaying the fact that a prejudice <*xi*t* again*! widowers, not only amongst marriageable girls, but also amongst their parents. For evidence in support of this assertion, one ha* only to take note of the manner in which the announcement of a girl'* engagement and impending marriage to a widower is received by friends and relatives alike. There is an uplifting of the eyebrow* and a scornful shrug of the shoulders from female friends, while congratulations are uttered in a tone which seems to imply that the future bride is to be pitied for not being able to find a bachelor for a husband. Nor is this all. The parents of the girl are inclined to view with suspicion and distrust her once-married lover. He is not an eligible suitor in their eyes, and should the unfortunate man possess any children, they more often than not proceed to lecture their daughter on the folly and responsibility of marrying a man who simply wants someone to look after his little ones. To accuse every widower who wishes to marry a second time of such selfish motives is, in the majority of cases, both unjust and unfair. There is no doubt that thoughts of his children do sometimes urge a widower to marry again against his own inclination: but he above all men knows by experience how absolutely necessary it is for the happiness of married life that true love and respect should exist between husband and wife, and he rarely marries a woman for the sake of having someone to attend to his children's requirements, quite irrespective of his own feelings. He may not at first be able to bestow upon a second wife his greatest love—which, may be, >till clings to the memory of the woman he first wooed and won - but he does bestow upon her a second love, which, after a lime, will equal the first in strength and sincerity, if the woman he marries proves herself to be all that he expected of her. The greatest argument which most girls have against marrying a widower is that they do not consider that a man • an love twice. This, to be quite candid. is foolish reasoning. A man may have been most passionately attached to hi* first wife, and sincerely mourn her loss for a considerable period. But by and by he meets a woman who seems to p<»**es* many of the characteristics which he loved in the dear one taken from him. If he is a sensible man be recognises that it was not meant that we should always mourn the loss of loved ones, and having found a woman who is capable of tilling the blank in hi* life, he slowly but surely transfer* his affection* to her. And if his love is truly returned, the presence of even three or four step-chil dren will in no wise detract from the happiness of hi* second wife, although, of course, she must work hard and use every endeavour to win the affection of the little ones also. But there are other convincing reasons why widowers make good husbands. Their experience of married life. i.?r instance, enables them to easily remove many of those troubles and difficulties which often prove such a stumblingblock to the happiness of a woman who marries a single man. The first year of married life is usually filled with innumerable little worries for the young wife. She has s<» many things to learn, and so main things to discover, and if she marries a bachelor, he can help her but very little, seeing that he is almost, if not quite, as ignorant as herself. When a girl marries a widower, how ever, the pathway of married life i* made much smoother. Her husband'* experience enables him to guide hi* wife io a great extent, and lie is able to teach her many things. If any little trouble connected with the household arises, or any untoward event happen*, she ha* but to go to him. and he will u*ually be able to show her a way out of the difficulty. Furthermore, he know* that woman i* a < reatlire of mood* ami fancies, and acts accordingly. His knowledge of woman’s little ways, humours, and ec-

cent l icit ies stands him in valuable Mead. He knows the kind of things which offend or rai*e the temper of a woman: he understands the many signs which *how when trouble is likely to ari*e. and in oliedieiice to them he acts in a manner calculated to make the wheels of domestic life work smoothly together. When one consider* all these little points, the advantages to be derived from marrying a widower at once become apparent. He is invaluable as a counsellor, knowing exactly what to do. and what to avoid. He may not be so sentimental or demonstrative in his affections as tin* average youth—his bereavement. probably, almost destroyed *u<di characteristics- but there is real worth in the love which he does display.