Does Marriage Improve People?

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XXXII, Issue XIII, 26 March 1904, Page 62

Does Marriage Improve People?

It is extremely doubtful if any change of life has more influence upon the dis position and nature of a person than marriage. In fact, it may truthfully be said of matrimony that it either makes or mars the characters of a man or woman. As a general rule, marriage does improve people*. But. like every other rule, it has its exceptions and when for instance. a couple marry for other reasons than the right one. namely love, it should not come as a great surprise to find that the effect upon their characters is the reverse of beneficial. Marriage, where there is love, is one of the most potent factors of improvement in the world. But where there is no love, it is apto to deteriorate people, instead of making them better. W hen you see married people who are not as nice and pleasing as they were before marriage, you may be pretty sure of one thing—that they married for some other reason than because they loved one another: If love had been there, the new relationship could not have failed to bring about the" improvement it ought to make in their characters. There is a certain something in a love match which brings out and develops the good traits in one’s nature. Look around your circle of acquaintances, and you will quickly see the truth of Jiis assertion. There, for instance, is Smithwhom you knew so well in his bachelor days as being somewhat selfish and careless in his ways; a little morose, probably. from having lived so much alone, and rather ill-tempered and disagreeable at times. In spite of this, however, he fell a victim to the wiles of Cupid, married a girl, whom he fondly loved, and who loved him in return, in spite of all his faults. (Perhaps you remember that at the time you rather pitied the girl he married.i A year or so afterwards, however, you begin to accuse yourself of having mis judged Smith’s character, for a nicer and more sociable fellow could scarcely be met. Instead of being a confirmed pessimist as you imagined, he has developed into a delightful optimist. He thinks of other people as well as him>elf, is particular in his habits, and avoids passing ill-mannered and disagreeable opinions about people who do not please him. Altogether he is a transformed and reformed man.

Then, again, there is Mrs. Tomlinson, nee Brown, whom you once described as an odious, feather-headed girl, who was never so happy as when flirting or gush ing. But now you are only too happy to number her amongst your acquaintances and wonder why you ever thought her anything but delightful. She is sympathetic. gentle and and exhibits none of that shallowness which irritated you before. Marriage, ami marriage alone, is responsible for these changes. Mr. Smith and Miss Brown might have retained their faults to the end of their lives. But matrimony rubbed down the corners. and softened the angles. It taught both the lesson of forbearance and the advantages of being patient, considerate and careful. When a woman makes a match she may be said to have attained the ambition of her life. She has got a husband and a home of her own, and looks forward to a happy life. In fact, the future is as bright as it could possibly be. This is bound to tell. Perhaps before marriage she was inclined to peevishness; she might even have had a dread of becoming an old maid, or have had a discontented family circle to deal with, and so on. These things are all brushed away w hen she marries. She enters a condition which enables her to see the roseate hue on the most ordinary things of life, ami happiness prevails. If this does not improve her temper and disposition nothing can. There are other things in married life w lijch tend to improve a man’s disposition. While living with his mother and sisters he may have been well enough attended to: but there was always a certain lack of interest which a wife never fails to bestow. He has love waiting on him at all times, and this, coupled with the feeling that he has a comfortable home of his own in which he can do what he pleases, has a sweetening effete on his temper and disposition. Where mercenary motives enter into a marriage however, one cannot hope for improvement. If Mrs. Tomlinson had married her husband for his money, she would probably have grown selfish, cold, and self-ab-sorbed. If Smith had not loved the girl he married, she would never have been able to influence him for good. And so it is the same in every case: marriage only improves people when it is brought about bv mutual love.