[ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.] IN DOUBLE HARNESS

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XXXII, Issue XII, 19 March 1904, Page 9

[ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.] IN DOUBLE HARNESS

By

ANTHONY HOPE.

AUTHOR OF “DOLLY DIALOGUES,” PRISONER OF ZENDA,” “RUPERT OF HENTZAN,” ETC.

CHAPTER XXI. AN UNCOMPROMISING EXPRESSION. On the morrow of her attempted flight and enforced return a leaden heaviness had clogged Sibylla’s brain and limbs. Her body was quick to recover; her thoughts were for long drowsy and numb. She seemed to have died to an old life without finding a new one. Blake was to her as a dead friend; she would see and hear of him no more! she harboured no idea of meeting him again. The bonds between them were finally :ent. This attitude towards him saved his character from criticism and his weakness from too clcsc an examination, while it left her free to broil in the security of despair on ill that she had thought to find in him and on the desolation his loss had made. The instinctive love for her child, which had asserted itself while her intellect was dormant, could not prevail against the sullen preoccupation of reawaking thoughts, or, if it could penetrate into them, came no more fresh and pure, but tainted with the sorrow and the anger which circled round that innocent head. She was tender, but in pity,mot in pride; she loved, but without joy. The shadows hung so dark about the child’s cot. They hid from her eyes still the sin of her own desertion, and hindered the remorse which might best lead her back to love unalloyed. Still she arraigned not herself, but only Grantley and the inevitable. Grantley was the inevitable; there stood the truth of it; slip bowed her head to the knowledge, but did not incline her heart to the lesson it had to teach.

Yet the knowledge counted; she looked on Grantley, with different eyes. The revelation of himself, wrung from him by overpowering necessity, did its work. The resolve he had then announced, presumptuous beyond the right of mortal man, less than human in its cruelty, almost more than human in its audacity of successful revolt against destiny, might leave him hateful still, but showed liiia not negligible. He could not be put on one side, discarded, eliminated from her life. He was too big for that. Against her will he attracted her attention and constrained her interest. Hie thought of what lay beneath his suave demeanour sometimes appalled, sometimes amused, and always fascinated her now. She saw that her old conception had erred; it had been too negative in character; what he could not do or be or give had seemed the whole of the matter to her. In the light of the revelation that was wrong. The positive—a very considerable positive—must be taken into account. The pride she had loathed was not a barren self-conceit, nor merely a terrible self-engrossment. It had issue in an assuraneealinostsupcrnatural and a courage above morality. Sibylla’s first relief came in the reflection that though she might have married a monster, at least she had not given herself to a stick or a stone: she was dear as to her preference when the choice was reduced to that alternative.

His behaviour appealed to her humour, too —that humour which could not save her from running away with Blake under the spell of her ideas, but would certainly have made her want 1 o run away from him when the glamour of the ideas had worn off. The old perfection of manner found a new ornament in his easy ignoring of the whole affair. He referred to it once only, then indirectly and because Ire had a reason. He suggested apologetically that it would be well for them to exchange remarks more freely when the servants were wailing on them at meals.

‘lt will prevent comment on recent events,” he had added, as though that were his only reason.

Eibylln was deceived at first, but pre

sently detected another and more important motive. The suggestion marked the beginning of a new campaign on which his inexhaustible perseverance engaged. He understood that his wife accused him of not taking her into his confidence, and of not making her a partner in his life. He was no more minded than before that she should have even plausible grounds for complaint. Starting, then, from general topics and subjects arising out of the journals of the day, he slid placidly and dexterously into frequent discussions of his own plans and doings, his business, his work on the County Council, his Parliamentary ambitions, his schemes for improving the property at Milldean. Sibylla acknowledged the cleverness of these tactics with a rueful smile. She had claimed to share his life; yet most of these topics happened to seem to her rather tedious. But she was debarred from saying that to Grantley; his retort was so obvious. She was often bored, but she was amused that boredom should be the first result of the new method.

“I hope all this interests you?” Grantley would inquire politely.

“Of course, since it concerns you,” equal politeness obliged her to reply—• and not politeness only. She had to be interested; it had been her theory that she would be, her grievance that she had been denied the opportunity of being. Nor could she make out whether Grantley had any inkling of her suppressed indifference to the County Council and so forth. Was he exercising his humour too? She could not tell, but curiosity and amusement tempered the coldness of her courtesy. They got on really very well at dinner, and especially while the servants were in the room; there was sometimes an awkward pause just after they were left alone. But on the whole the trifling daily intercourse went better than before Sibylla’s flight—werit, indeed, fairly well, as it can generally be made to if people are well bred and moderately humorous.

The great quarrel remained untouched, no span bridged the great chasm. Grantley might consent to talk about his County Council; that was merely a polite concession, involving no admission of guilt, and acknowledging no such ■wrong to his wife as could for a moment justify her action. When it came to deeper matters, he was afflicted with a shame and helplessness which seemed to paralyse him. To gloss over the absence of love, or even of friendship, was a task at which he was apt and tactful; to gain it back was work of the heart—and here he was as yet at a standstill. His instinct had told him to work through the child. But if he caressed the child in order to conciliate Sibylla, he would do a mean thing, and yet not succeed in his deception; he would admit a previous fault and gain no absolution by a calculated and interested confession. He could not bring himself to it. His manner to the child was ns carelessly kind as ever; and when Sibylla was there the carelessness was almost more apparent than the kindness. Grantley’s nature was against him; to do violence to it was a struggle. Ever ready to be kind, he disliked to show emotion. He felt it was being false to himself; being a sham and a hypocrite. To be gushing was abhorrent to him; to pretend to gush surely touched a more profound depth? His efforts achieved no success; and he did not let Sibylla perceive even the efforts themselves. For once his will, strong as it was, and his clear perception were both powerless before his temper and the instincts of his nature. The result was a deadlock, blatters could not move.

Such was the juncture of affairs when Christine Fanshaw came to Milldean. Her resolve to escape from the atmosphere of. disgrace at home perhaps alone could have brought her; for she came in some trepidation, rather surprised that Sibylla had welcomed her, wondering whether the welcome was of Sibylla’s own free will. Had she not betrayed Sibylla? Was she not responsible for the frustration of the great plan? Yet an acute curiosity minged with and almost overpowered her apprehensions, and she was prepared to defend herself. The rumours about Walter Blake would be a weapon, if she needed one—a weapon effective, if cruel. As regards her own treachery, she made haste to throw herself on Sibylla’s mercy. “Of course you must have known it was through me?” she ended. “Oh, yes, I knew that, of course.” “Here’s your letter—the one you sent me to hand on to Grantley. He wired me not to send it.”

“Oh, I thought he’d read it,” said Sibylla thoughtfully. She took it and put it in her pocket.

Christine looked at her with a smile. “And yet you ask me to stay!” she remarked.

Sibylla smiled mockingly. “Since this household owes all its happiness to you, it’s only fair that you should come and look on at it.”

“That’s not at all a comfortable thing to say, Sibylla.” “No, it isn’t, and it departs from our principle, which is, to say nothing.” “That’s not always very comfortable either.”

Christine was giving a thought to her own affairs here.

“And we won’t say anything more about what you did,” Sibylla went on. “We won’t discuss whether you were right, or whether Tin grateful, ot anything of that sort.” “You ought to be.”

“Or even whether I ought to he—though of course, you’d want to think that.”

Christine was disappointed. Tn her heart she had rather hoped to be put on her defence just enough to entitle her to use her weapon, and to tell some of the truth about Walter Blake. Sibylla’s attitude gave her no excuse. Though she would say nothing more about what Christine had done, Sibylla was easily persuaded to break the principle of silence about the main affair very easily. Christine's curiosity lost the zest of difficult satisfaction: she had the whole history for the asking. She heard it, marvelling at the want of reticence her friend displayed, seeking how to reconcile this seeming immodesty with the rest of her impression of Sibylla. She recollected being very shy and ashamed (in the midst of her exultation), when she had let Harriet Courtland worm out the secret of her love for Caylesham. Sibylla was not ashamed—she was candid. Sometimes she was excited, sometimes she played the judge; but she was never abashed. Christine’s wits sought hard for an explanation of this. Suddenly it came to her ns she gazed on Sibylla's pure face and far away eves.

“My dear, you were never in love with him!” she cried.

If she hoped to surprise, or even to win a compliment on her penetration, she was utterly deceived.

“Oh, no!” said Sibylla. “In the way you mean I’ve never been in love with anybody except Grantley.” “Then why did you? Oh, tell me about it!” Christine implored. “He appealed to my better feelings.” Sibylla smiled l>a<4< to her, Blocking again. “I’d give the world that we hadn’t been stopped! No, I can’t say that, because ” “Well!”

“I think Grantley would have done what he said.” Christine was the last woman in the world to rest ignorant of what Grantley had said. Sibylla was again disappointingly ready to tell the whole thing without any pressure worth mentioning.

“And you really believe he wotlkt have?” Christine half-whispered when she had heard the storv.

“If I didn’t believe it with my whole heart, I shouldn’t be here. 1 should be—well, somewhere—with Walter Blake.”

“Thank God you are not!” “Why do you say that? The proprieties, Christine?” “Oh, only partly; but don’t youthink lightly of them, all the same. And the Test of the reasons don’t matter.” Christine got up and walked across the room and back again, before she came to a stand" opposite Sibylla. “I call that a man worth being in love with." she said. r ” 4 ' “Walter?” “Heavens, no! Grantley .-mason! Oh, I know he’s your husband! But still ” Sibylla broke into a laugh. “It has the attraction of the horrible,” she admitted. “He’d have done it, you know.” “It's mediaeval,” said Christine fondly. “And you were going away with Walter Blake!” She drew her little figure up straight. “Sibylla, you're no woman if you don’t manage a man like that in the end. He’s Worth it, you know.” “You mean —if I don’t let him manage me?” Sibylla was a little contemptuous. “I don't care about tyranny, even tempered by epigrams,” she explained. “Well, not when you only do the epigrams,” smiled Christine. “That’s not true. I only ask a real partnership.” “You must begin by contributing all you have.” “I did. But Grantley ” “Paid a composition? Oh, yes, my dear; men do. That’s as old as Byron, anyhow.” She came suddenly to Sibylla and kissed her. “And you’d ba adorable, properly deluded.” “You shan't put it like that, Christine.” “Yes, I will—and I know he loves you." “He can’t love anything—not really.” “I sliall watch him. Oh. my dear, what a comfort to watch anybody except John! Oh yes, I suppose you had better

have my story, too. You've had most of it before- without the name. But look away. I've no theories, you know—and well. I was in love.”

She laughed a little, blushing red. But her composure returned when she had tinishtd her confession.

"And now what do we think of one another?” she asked, with her usual satirical little smile. Y’ou don’t know? Oh, yes! You think me rather wicked, and I think you very silly: that’s about what it comes to.” "I suppose that is about it,” Sibylla laughed reluctantly. "But I’ve repented, and you’re only going to repent.” "Never!” "Yes, you are. I take no credit for having done it first. It’s much easier to repent of wickedness than of nonsense. The wickedness is much pleasanter at the time, and so seems much worse afterwards.” "And now you’re in love with John?" "Good heavens, no!” She pulled herself up. "Wolf. I don’t know. If I’m in love now, it’s not what 1 used to mean by it. One gets to use words so d.tferently as time goes on.” ”1 don’t think 1 shall ever learn that.” Destiny assumed Christine's small, neat features for a moment in order to answer sternly: "But you must!” It was the worst wav of dealing with Sibylla. "I won’t!” she answere in overt rebellion. her cheek flushing now, as her confession had not availed to make it Cush. Christine did not fail to perceive the eemie element in the ease —strong enough, at all events, to serve as a relief to conversation, almost piquant when Grantley conscientiously related all manner of uninteresting things in order that Sibylla might be at liberty to take an interest in them. But this aspect did not carry matters very far or afford much real consolation. Substantially no progress was niae. The failure endured, and seemed to Christine as complete .is the devastation wrought in her own life. Nay. here there was an aggravation. In her home—»he almost smiled to use the word now—there was no child. It seemed a doleful cause for joy, but it was such to her now. Here there was the boy. Her mind flew forward to the tiftie when hs would wonderingly surmise, painfully guess, at last grow into knowledge, thinking on that, she could almost excuse Grantley for his resolve, and Sibylla for her readiness to accept it. There were plenty of such cases, of course--and life went on, but she did Hot 'arc to think of them. They brought her back to that glaring instance in her own experience—that hell-on-earth at the 1 • urtlands'. where the only change seemed to be towards greater misery. And already the mind stirred in little Frank. His intelligence grew, his affection blossomed as the first buds of a Bower. He was no more merely a passive object of love and eare. Consciousness of what he received awoke in his heart. He began to know more than that he was nursed and fed. more than that his right was to these ministrations. The idea of the reason dawned in him. He stretched forth his hand no longer for bounty only, but for the inspirer of bounty—for love. Strung to al ratal sensit iveaess, < hristine deluded herself with the conviction that already he felt the shadow over the h< u-e. that his young soul was already chilled by the clouds of anger, and ▼□inly cried (i.r the sunshine of sympathy. Tf it were a delusion—and surely the child was too young—yet time must turn it into truth. If -he did not truly see. yet she foresaw truly. She had watched this process, too. in the days when she was still a friend to Harriet Courtland and a frequent visitor at her house. Ihe grosser side of that, story would not be repeated here. The pain would he none the less keen, the pity none the less sore. Seeing and foreseeing. then, she naked where was the hope. And on this, with a bound, her thoughts were bark to her own sorrow, and bank to poor lonely old John in London, all by hims.-lf. with nobody to talk to. nobody to congratulate him on the euceesS of his business, nobody to open his heart, to, alone with his grievance against her. atone with the thought that, notwithstanding his grievance, he had taken Frank Caylesham’s money, and grew prospernris again by the aid of it. The fate and the. sorrow of the two homes

identified themselves in her mind. She took even a wider view, embracing the Courtlands, too; yes, and the Raymorcs and their erring boy, and the Selfords ■with their limited lives and their ignoring of so much that made for the fine and good. How should the balance of all this in the end incline? When Christine had been at Ylilklean a fortnight or so, business carried Grantley to town. The change his departure made was instantaneous and striking. A weight was off the house, the clouds dispersed. Sibylla was full of gaiety, and in that mood she could make all about her share her mirth. Above all, her devotion to Frank was given full rein. The child was always with her. and she knew no happiness save in evoking and responding to Ids love. She was now open and ostentatious about it, fearing no frigid glances and no implied criticism of her fond folly. Christine might well have found new ground for despair, so plainly did Sibylla display to her the blighting influence of Grantley’s presence, lie it was who froze up love—so Sibylla declared with an impetuous aggressive openness. But Christine would not despair. A wholesome anger rose in her heart and forbade despair. Her manner took on a coldness exceeding Grantley’s indifference. She would not be a sharer in the games, a partner in the merriment, a sympathiser in the love. Sibylla was not slow to sec how she stood off and drew herself away. Quickly she sought for reasons. Was it that Christine would not join in what seemed to be a league against Grantley; or was there another reason? She had told Christine how it was through Walter Blake's weakness and not through her scruples that little Frank had not been left to his fate. Did her love then seem hypocrisy? That was not true — though it might be true that remorse now had a share in it. The more the child grew to life the more horrible became the thought that he might have died. After a day or two of smouldering protest, she broke out on Christine. “You think I’ve no right to love him,” she asked, “after what I was ready to do? Is that what you think? Oh, speak out plainly! I see you've got something against me.”

Christine was cold and composed. Never had her delicately critical manner been more pronounced. "I m sure I hope you repent,” she observed meditatively; "and I hope you thank Heaven that man was what he turned out to be.” “Well, call it repentance, then. I suppose I’ve a right to repent? Yon can’t understand how’ I really feel. But if it is repentance, why need you discourage it?” _ “I don’t discourage repentance, and I m glad you’re beginning to see that you ought to repent. But it’s not that I’m thinking of.” “What are you thinking of, then?” cried Sibylla in unrestrained impatience. You re prepared for an open quar“Oh, I shan’t quarrel with you!” Her smile was rather disdainful. "No, you won't quarrel with me; I'm not of enough importance to you! I’m very glad I’m not, you know. Being important to you doesn't seem to be consistent with being an independent creature.” Sibylla glanced at her in arrested attention. “What do you mean by that ?” she asked in low quick tones. The charge was so strangely like that which she was ever formulating against Grantley. Now Christine levelled it at her. "You call Grantley selfish,” Christine wont on. “You’re just as bad yourself —yes, worse! He is trying to be different, I believe. Oh, I admit the poor man doesn't do it very well: he gets very little encouragement! But are you trying? No! You’re quite content with yourself. You’ve done no wrong Well, perhaps it was a little questionable to be ready to leave Frank to die! But even that would be all right if only I could understand it!” "You’d better go on now,” said Sibylla quietly. “Yes, J will go on; I am going on. You were ready to leave tire child to die sooner than go on living as you’d been living. Isn’t that how yon pnt it? You were willing to give his life to prevent that? Well, are you willing to give any of your own fife, any of yonr way of thinking, any of what you eall your nature, or

your temperament, or whaf not? Not a bit of it! Y’ou can love Frank when there’s no danger of Grantley’s thinking it may mean that you could forgive him! As soon as there’s any danger of that, you draw back. Y’ou use the unhappy child as a shield between Grantley and yourself, as a weapon against Grantley. Y'es, you do, Sibylla. Whenever you’re inclined t<t relent towards Grantley, you go and sit by that child's cot and use your love for him to fan your hatred against Grantley. Isn’t that true?” Sibylla sat silent, with attentive, frightened eyes. This was a new picture —was it a true one? One feature of it at least struck home with a terribly true-seeming likeness of her own mind. She used her love for her child to fan her hatred against Grantley. “Y’ou complain,” Christine went on in calm relentlessness, "of what Grantley is to the child. That’s a sham most of the time. Y'ou’re thinking of what he is to you. And even where it’s true, don’t you do all you can to make him feel as he does? How is he to love what you made the stalking-horse of your grievances?” She turned on Sibylla scornfully, almost fiercely now. “Your husband, your son. the whole world, aren’t made for your emotions to go sprawling over. Sibylla! Y’ou must have caught that idea from young Blake. I think.” She walked off to the window, and stood there looking out. No sound came from Sibylla. Presently Christine looked round rather nervously. She had gone a little too far. perhaps. That phrase about emotions “sprawling” was —well, decidedly uncompromising. She met Sibylla’s eyes. They wore a hunted 100k —as though some peril walled her

in. and she found no way of escape. Her voice trembled as she faltered:

“Is that what you really think of me, Christine?” “A bruised reed thou shalt not break,* Christine had the wisdom to remember that. Remorse must fall short of despair, self-knowledge of self-hatred, or there remains no possibility of a rebound to hope and effort. Christine came across to her friend with hands outstretched.

“No, no, dear,” she said, “not you—• not yourself! But this mood of yours, the way you’re going on. And. true or false, isn't it what you must make Grantley think J” Sibylla moved her hands in a restless gesture, protesting against the picture of herself—even thus softened —• denying its truth, fascinated by it. “I don't know,” she murmured, —“I don't know. Christine, it’s a horrible idea!” Christine fell on her knees beside her. “If only you hadn’t been so absurdly in love with him, my dear!” she whispered. (To be continued.)