The “Give-and-Take” of Courting Days.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XXXI, Issue XII, 19 September 1903, Page 854

The “Give-and-Take” of Courting Days.

HOW LOVERS’ QUARRELS MIGHT BE AVERTED BY A LITTLE MORE CONSIDERATION AND FORBEARANCE. Though it may seem a kind of heresy to loving souls to say so. the practice of mutual forbearance is quite as necessary during courting days as after the honeymoon has waned. One would think that people in love would find it easy to look over each other’s little failings, and that they would be so eager to give up to each other that there would be no possibility of a serious disagreement. Experience, howexer. proves the ton trary. Courting days, though tlie most delightful part of a man < r woman’s life, are as electric as a summer night. ; n I storms, if brief, are fierce ami fr quen*. The more you are in love the m< re you want vO be on your guard to avoid a quarrel, and there are two very good reasons why this should be so: the one is that love is sensitive to the slightest breath of unkindness, is deeply p.ii’ed by a hasty word, ami is apt to imagine that any trilling failing in the b lov< 1 object shows a waning of affection, and the other is that all young lovers regard each other at first as little less than angels. and as soon as anything crops r.p to dispel this pie — mt delusion they feel the disenchantment keenlv.

It may be a small matter, for instance, it a girl should insist on going to a concert when she knows that her lover had i een counting on taking her to a theatre. But. small as it is. it may very possibly lead to a breach between them. Having expressed a wish to go to the convert the girl may feel it very unkind of her adorer, who ought to respect her slightest wish, to show any hesitation about pleasing her in such a small matter —she may have even chosen this as a little test of his love for her—while he. on the other hand, quite blind to the real leax.n which made her so insistent, may accuse her of want of consideration for him. Then, again, when people have been legarding each other as divinities, the disillusionment is sure to be painful when it comes. If Angelina has a splitt? g headache nobody but her lover would be surprised if she were somev h t irritable and snappish: but he. who h > never seen her anything but smiles b !• re. receives a rude shock. Is he content to lose even a little bit of his ideal patiently? Not by any means; his sweetest dreams are destroyed in a moment, his sense of injury is immense, and. being very ill-concealed, soon leads to sharp words, which turn all the sweetness in two young hearts to gall, and end in a till which may last even for a whole week. .'.dn.ittirg th. ; lovers have more ntatio's to f: 11 cut than other peo- ] it is . 11 th • more necessarv that they

should be constantly on their guard, for. though lovers’ quarrels may be very natural, they are none the less dangerous to the happiness of an engaged couple. They will come sometimes, of course, but do your utmost to avoid them. for. though the making-up may be sweet, one disagreement unfortunately easily paves the way for the next, until all the romance of courtship is spoilt. It should be much easier to overlook each other’s failings if you know that they spring from an excess of affection, and even where there are real faults, that love is not worth much which cannot forgive them, especially when we are conscious of so many failings in ourselves. Do not expect perfection. Unless you are perfection yourself you do not deserve it. ard ary way. you will certainly not get it. When you feel aggrieved at something in the conduct of your betrothed, be sure that you are not in the wrong yourself, and asking something which is unreasonable. Sometimes a girl is very upset by th? discovery that her lover has been engaged before: but she will be very fco’is’i if she makes this a matter of recrimination and reproach. Few men marry their first loves, and the same is true of many women also, and the fact of a previous attachment, considering how readily and sometimes how foolishly, young people fall in love, is not sufficient reason for anvone to be condemned to sinsle bless-

edness all their lives. Just take a reasonable view of things, and imagine the case to be your own. Many men are inclined to resent it if their fiancees sometimes feel it necessary to attend to other interests, with the result that they cannot meet quite so often as they would like. Relations and friends have claims even on the engaged girl, and she cannot neglect her home duties or social functions. On men these ties sit more lightly, and they are not inclined to make sufficient allowance for them. This insistence of one’s rights and privileges is a very fruitful source of disagreement on both sides. It is undoubtedly the girl’s right, for instance, to have the final say in all arrangements for a days’ pleasure; but let her be a very gentle tyrant otherwise her adorer may grow tired of his fetters when they seem no longer woven of roses. If lovers were a little less exacting. and would practice a little more assiduously the golden rule of give-and-take. there would be fewer broken engagements and broken hearts.