The Agony of a Bachelor’s First Ping-Pong Tournament.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XXVIII, Issue XVIII, 3 May 1902, Page 824

The Agony of a Bachelor’s First Ping-Pong Tournament.

1 hud not the remotest acquaintance with ping-pong. 1 was told it was like tennis, but as 1 have never played the latter game this did not enlighten me much. In the middle of the table, in the room I was ushered into, was a small net, and a lady and gentleman stationed at the opposite ends of this piece of furniture were striking a white ball at one another. The rest of the people in file room w< re wagging their heads from side to side as the ball crossed the net and everybody looked very anxious. I was just going to step forward to greet Mrs Porter when somebody in a voice that shook with rage called out, ‘‘Sit down, sir! sit down. You are spoiling.!set!’* 1 hastened to comply with this command. But as there was no seat within sight which was not occupied by a person with a wagging head 1 found it difficult. A kindly youth, however, accommodated me with half his chair, and I was just sitting down to enjoy myself, having observed with a sigh that the adorable Miss Simpson was present, when I realized that I was situated perilously near the man who was hitting the ball. The little white thing occasionally jumped very high, and then again it came low. which appeared to send him into the most extraordinary state of excitement. lie several times dived underneath my chair to fetch it. and trod on my toes without the least apology. After some particularly exciting moments, during which everyone present had to get up and search for the ball. Mrs Port"!- came across the room and asked ire how' 1 STie went on to say that it was my turn to play, that it was absurdly

easy, that it didn't matter my not knowing the game, it was exactly like tennis, and that I should play with Miss Simpson first. The last piece of information pleased me, and while offering her one of the bats she gave me one of her sunny smiles. Then the game began. 1 stood at one end of the table like the other man had done, and Miss Simpson stood opposite. She then hit the ball with a graceful little stroke of the bat on to the table, and 1 was just thinking of patting it back when the ball rose up and hit me in the eye. This counted fifteen to Miss Simpson. I was glad she had fifteen, but in retrieving the ball from underneath the sideboard, I hit my head against a corner of it. Miss Simpson then played the ball again, and this time it went swiftly over my shoulder. I had to make a prolonged search for the wretched thing this time, and in crawling under a sofa I was unfortunate enough to burst my collar stud 'Phe next two strokes from Miss Simpson I missed, and it was her game. I was not particularly anxious t □ win; in fact, I was pleased my dainty little sweetheart was doing so well. I hit T could not help observing that there was a look of scorn in her eyes as 1 made awkward attempts to touch the ball. I therefore determined to do something tremendous in the next game.

It was my turn to bit the ball; Miss Simpson called it “serve.” I hit a fairly hard blow, and was surprised to see the ball travel with marvellous swiftness straight at Mr Porter, who was dozing on the sofa. He seemed \ery angry, and it took Mrs Porter some time to settle him down again. The next time 1 hit not quite so vigorously. but the ball did not go near the table, only curved in the air into the fire, and flared up in a second. I hardly know what 1 did next, but 1 know the ball hit the table, and that Miss Simpson played it back with marvellous quickness, and that I, in a <piirk attempt to hit it again, struck i’ir I’ttle flimsy net a blow which rent it in twain. I w’ll not try to describe 'lie rudeness w’i'h which I was now tr tJed. All said 1 had spoilt the evening. The game J was playing in, 1 was told, was the first round of the tournament; this seemed to mean something very’ important. I endeavoured to extract some comfort by a few wo? ds with Miss Simpson, but she was nearly’ weeping with offended pride. She said 1 had made a fool of myself and her before all those people and she would never speak to me again. I mechanically’ sought my hat and coat and left. People are now surprised when I refuse invitations to play ping-pong.