Some Useful Etiquette Hints.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XXVI, Issue X, 9 March 1901, Page 469

Some Useful Etiquette Hints.

An invitation is the modern symbol of hospitality. Its conventional form for ceremonious functions is a plain card of large size, or a sheet of heavy English linen paper, engraved fn script. For wedding invitations the latest fashion is a large square sheet of paper, either white or palest gray, upon which is engraved the invitation to the ceremony, with envelope to match, inclosing a card for the reception. It is now considered to be more elegant to address the guest in the third person, rather than in the second, a blank being left in the invitation to be filled in by hand. It is the more courtly form, seeming to show a personal thought for each guest, though the older manner is correct. The formula is: Mr. and Mrs. John Chester Lloyd request the honour of presence at the marriage of their daughter Florence to Mr James Barrett Wood on Tuesday, January the ninth, at eight o’clock. St. Mary’s Church, Wellington. If the invitations are to be sent to acquaintances in other places, the name of the town and State must be added. Dates and names of States are never abbreviated. CARDS FOR THE RECEPTION AND CHURCH. The reception cards, which are usually sent only to relatives and inti-

mate friends, are inclosed with the wedding invitations and read as follows: — Mr. and Mrs. John Chester Lloyd At Home on Tuesday, January the ninth, from half-past eight until ten o’clock. Parnell. Or the reception card may repeat wording of the wedding invitation, substituting the phrase, “the pleasure of the company.” for "the honour of the presence.” The latter formula is used for a breakfast invitation, the hour being usually half-past twelve, following the ceremony at noon. WHEN RAIL ROAD TRAINS MUST BE TAKEN. Should the wedding take place at the bride's country home, or old family homestead, cards giving full pat ticulars about the trains should be inclosed with the invitations. A widower’s name appears alone in a wedding invitation for his daughter. In case a bride were an orphan the invitations would be issued in the name of her eldest bachelor brother, but the reception might be given by a married sister or other relative, or by some intimate friend of the family. Where a widow remarries, her name is accompanied by the prefix “Mrs,” though a girl is never called “Miss” on her wedding cards: otherwise the form is the same. When the contracting parties send the announcement of their marriage it reads: Mrs Marian Bronson and Mr Warren Atherton have the honour to announce their

marriage on Tuesday, January the second, at twelve o’clock, at Grace Church. At a wedding to which only the family and close friends are invited it is customary to send the announcements by mail, immediately after the ceremony. 1 Hlfeß TO WHOM WEDDING CARDS SHOULD BE SENT. Invitations for a wedding generally include the entire acquaintance of both families, though they are always issued by the parents of the bride. They- should be sent two weeks in advance of the time set for the marriage, either by messenger or mail. If sent by [Mist each invitation is inclosed in a second envelope. Where two or more are sent to the same family they may be placed in a large envelope and addressed to the head of the house. “Mr and Mrs John Jones and family” are no longer so designated. If the presence of the minor children is desired cards are addressed to them.

In no case is it permissible to invite a husband without his wife, or a wife without her husband, if la>th are accessible. The distinction between friends ami acquaintances is sometimes made in inclosing or withholding the reception card in the wedding invitation, though the. size of the house often determines the matter. A breakfast narrows the circle to intimate friends. WEDDING INVITATIONS REQUIRE NO ANSWEIiS.

A wedding invitation requires no answer, unless it be to a breakfast where a seat is to be provided for each guest, but a call should be made soou

afterward upon the bride’s mother or upon thoae in whose name the invitations were issued. The bride should be called upon after it is known where she may be found. The custom is growing to include in the wwilling invitation a card bearing the future address of the young couple, as follows: At Home after January the fifth at King-street. Wedding and dinner invitations are always issued in the names of host and hostess, but for balls, dances, receptions, teas or garden parties the invitations are in the name of the hostess alone, except in the case where a widower entertains for his daughters. If a daughter preside over his household her name may appear jointly with his. A young girl never should invite men in her own name for any function. however informal, but she may write over her own signature that her mother or chaperon desires her to extend the invitation. The word “ball” is never used in a private invitation. The conventional form is a large card with the words: Mrs Irving Massingham At Home Thursday evening. January the fourth at ten o’clock Cotillon at eleven Remuera R.S.V.P. Or. in more informal manner, “Mrs Irving Massingham” would “request the pleasure of the company of Mr Blank,” in the u£ua] way. The special feature of an entertainment is engraved or written in one corner of such a card, as “Dancing,” “Music.” etc., but for an informal dance the invitations are written, either in the formula just quoted or in a friendly note. WHEN INTRODUCING A DAUGHTER TO SOCIETY. For a single reception, or for an entertainment to introduce a daughter to society, the form of invitation is as follows: Mrs George de Forest Winthrop Miss Winthrop At Home on Saturday, January the sixth from four until seven o'clock Thornton, Oriental Bay. It is in accordance with custom and propriety’ that a mother shall include in her invitations for her daughter's "coming out” reception the sons of all her friends, and often an intimate friend, knowing certain young men for whom she can vouch, will ask for invitations for them, and will inclose with each one her visiting card. Where a lady receives two or more days in a month she uses her visitingcard. with the dates engraved or written in one corner, to apprise her friends of the fact, and her eard may also be used to ask a few friends to an informal afternoon tea or tennis party. Invitations to a reception should include ail one's acquaintance, and be sent a fortnight in advance of the function, and such invitations should be promptly acknowledged. Hesitation is sometimes felt at inviting persons in mourning. For a few weeks after a bereavement, it would be intrusive, but after that they are pleased at being* remembered. even though it be but a compliment. DINNER ETIQUETTE NOT ALWAYS ■UNDERSTOOD. The etiquette governing dinner invitations is simple, but not always understood. Foreigners visiting us wonder at receiving invitations to dine “informally” and finding an elaborate entertainment. The phrase is sometimes an affectation, sometimes honest, but the form of the invitation should convey plainly the sort of entertainment one may expect. The interval between the invitation and the dinner is also an indication.

For formal dinners the engraved card is used, like that for receptions. The guest’s name, the hour and date,

are written by hand, or the hostess writes as follows: — Mr and Mrs Elliott Carleton would be happy to see Mr and Mrs Blank at dinner on Wednesday .January the twenty-fourth at eight o’clock January the tenth The paper usually has the address, but if it bear only the family crest, the date is written in. For a less formal dinner the hostess, would write: My dear Mrs Blank: Will you and Mr Blank give us the pleasure of your company at dinner on Wednesday evening. January the twenty-fourth, at seven o’clock? Hoping that nothing may disappoint us of seeing you, Yours cordially, Florence Carleton. January the sixth. Such invitations should be sent two weeks before the time named for the dinner, but for the more formal one, if desirable to secure some special guest, one may anticipate the interval by a day or two. FORMAL AND INFORMAL INVITATIONS. For an informal little dinner a week’s notice is sufficient, and the friends are bidden by a spontaneous note, which by its very style seems to promise “a good time,” yet for which no prescribed form is possible. Luncheon invitations follow the same rules. Where two sisters are invited by note the elder is addressed, and the younger included. Formal invitations are- sent to "The Misses.” Invitations for a house party may be given at any time that will insure the acceptance of the desired guests, and should state definitely the hour of arrival and departure. Betrothal announcements are chiefly in favour among persons of German parentage. Notice of a betrothal is sent by the young woman's parents to their friends, while the prospective bridegToom acquaints his friends with news of his happiness on a different eard—six weeks before the marriage. INVITATIONS SHOULD BE PROMPTLY ACKNOWLEDGED. Ail invitations should be answered within a day or two, and written in the first or third person, according to the form used by the sender. The day and hour of the entertainment mentioned in the invitation must be repeated in an acceptance. It gives asbeen no misunderstanding. An invisurance to the hostess that there has tat ion should never be accepted provisionally.

One should say, also, “It gives me pleasure to accept,” not “It will give.” The invitation is accepted when one promises to be present. Married persons should never reply that one will accept where both are invited. A new departure from established custom places first the name of the person addressed, allowing the signature- in its right place, as:

Mrs Arthur Griswold’s very kind invitation for luncheon on Wiulnesday, January the tenth, at half after one o'clock, is accepted with pleasure by Mrs Field. When regrets are necessary they should l>e sent imemdiately upon receipt of the invitation, in some such form as the following: Mrs Field regrets that a previous engagement will prevent her acceptance of Mrs Griswold’s charming invitation for luncheon on Wednesday, January the tenth. At a garden party, ball or large dance, where the preparations are on an extensive scale, one may ask an invitation for a friend, if that friend be a distinguished person, a young dancing man for whom one can answer, or some one who will contribute to the brilliancy or charm of the entertainment; but, if courteously worded, a negative reply should never give offence.