THE BLACK SHEEP CLUB.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XXVI, Issue VI, 9 February 1901, Page 235

THE BLACK SHEEP CLUB.

If Mr. Kilis, of Ellis <fc Co., importers of silks and tine fabrics, had applied to anyone else the profane epithets he was applying to himself he Would have been arrested* He was walking back and forth in his private room swearing at himself quietly but vehemently, with a skill that showed long experience. Anyone hearing him would have been certain that at some time in his career he had been either a cabdriver or a sailor before the mast; but he took special care that no one should hear him. Presently he regained his selfcontrol, seated himself at his desk, and wrote a memorandum. He then gave his desk bell a vicious slap. In response to the signal his bookkeeper entered. “Here, Jones, charge cheque No. 659, that I have just drawn, to profit and loss.” “Yes, sir. Anything more to-day?” “Nothing more, thank you. Good evening.” He then closed his desk, and was reaching for his overcoat when an office boy entered with a card. “Mr. Hart, of Hart & Hall, wishes to see you, sir.” “Um—Hart & Hull, dealers in heavy chemicals, dyestuffs, etc. What can he want with me? Show him in.” A moment later Mr. Hart entered. He was faultlessly attired, and, like Mr. Ellis, had all the appearance of a prosperous business man and member of good society. And they were alike in that the expressions of their faces were keen but kindly, and showed great force of character.

“I presume,” began Mr. Hart, as he seated himself slowly and gingerly, “that you are at a loss to understand to what you owe this visit.” “I confess that I am.” “Then I will come to the point at once. The Black Sheep Club has decided that you are eligible for membership, and I have called to ask if you can make it convenient to come up to our club-rooms to-night and be initiated.” “The Black Sheep Club! I never heard of it.” “Certainly not. It is the most secret and yet the most beneficent organisation in the world.” “Well, Mr. Hart, I know you by reputation as a business man and gentleman. and feel sure you would not try to play a joke on me; but I would like to know something more about this club before consenting to become a member.” “Naturally, and if you will pledge yourself to the most absolute secrecy I will tell you all I dare. I may say, however, that this pledge is hardly necessary, as no one to whom membership was offered ever refused to join. That is why the secret never got out.” The required pledge was given, and Mr. Hart resumed. “If I am not mistaken you are just in the humour to be initiated. Before I came in you were reviling yourself with every emphatic word and phrase in vour vocabulary, were vou not?” “Look here! This club of yours is not a Theosophical affair, is it?” “Not at all! I am no mind reader. But I know this is true because I met that loafer, Spencer Smythe, coming downstairs as I was coming up. You have been supporting him for the last couple of months—not because he has any claim on you, but because you are easy on wrongdoers for the reason that you know what it is to have gone wrong yourself.” “How dare you talk to me like this, sir?” exclaimed Mr. Ellis angrily, springing from his seat. “I have never discussed such matters with my nearest friends.”

“No.” replied Mr. Hart, calmly, and no one is going to ask you to do it now. I merely do it in order to give you some idea of our club. It is wholly composed of hard-headed business and professional men who are tender-hearted and cannot help allowing themselves to be imposed upon by good-for-nothings like Smythe, just as you have been doing. Like you. every one of them began life by being a black sheen.” “Look here! What do you know about my past life?” “Pardon me for speaking of it, for you have already lived it down so far as the world is concerned, though it still worries you and makes you swear retrospectively whenever you think of it; but I know all about that little escapade of yours when you

ran away from home and disgraced your family.” Mr. Ellis cowered in his chair and covered his face with his hands. "Yes, ye<,? he whispered brokenly, "•od I hay* been punished for it enough,widioat its coming hpek to disgrace me now.*

“Disgrace nothing,” said Mr. Hart, cheerily. “It is what put backbone in you, and all your success has been due to the fact that you have been trying to live down that episode in your life. Believe me, there is no such thing as ambition in the world. Men merely strive for success because they want to live down their past. It is the same with everyone in our club. I made an idiot of myself when I was a boy. and I don’t dare to be idle for fear I’ll think of it. The result is that I work with the ferocity that compels success. Talk about your blithering fools! I was the ”

“Hold on!” exclaimed Ellis, “I begin to catch your drift. You are all successful men because you have sore places in your memories that goad you on. But what benefit do you derive from your club?” “What do you feci tike when you think of your early misdeeds —or of any stupid thing that you do?” “I feel that I want to be kicked!” “Exactly! So do we all! And the beauty of it is that we get kicked. It wouldn’t do for a gentleman to hire someone to kick him. so we attend to that for one another.” Ellis laughed a nervous laugh, in which Hart joined. “I tell you. our club fills a longfelt want!” he exclaimed. “Won’t you join us?”

“Certainly I will.” cried Ellis. “I am in just the mood for it.” “I thought you would be. Let us

hurry, for they are keeping dinner for us.”

On the way in a cab Hart explained more thoroughly the workings of the club. ,

“When a man is initiated we try to give him a kicking that will make up for all the kickings he has yearned for in the past. For this we charge an initiation fee of £5. We have no monthly dues, but whenever a man wants to be kicked he pays two pounds to the treasurer, and is obliged. We find that this enables us to maintain our club luxuriously.”

“But it isn’t registered as the Black Sheep Club, is it?”

“Certainly not. It is called the Business Men’s Benevolent Association. You will be surprised to learn that many of your dearest friends belong to it. They are men whom perhaps you have considered selfish because they always show a preference for cushioned seats when visiting, and luxurious because they sit in cushioned chairs in their offices. But that is not selfishness. It is an inevitable result of membership in the Black Sheep Club. Why, I know of large corporations that have all the furniture in their executive chambers richly cushioned because a majority of the members belong to our club. Though we knew that you must have a past because vou were successful and allowed yourself to be imposed upon, it took a long time tn discover what your past was. But we finally found that you too had been a black sheep.” “Oh, sink my past! Our peccadilloes are not the subject of all conversation. are they?” exclaimed Ellis, in terror.

“What do you take us for? We are all men of the world, and. beside®, there is a rule of the club, which has

happily never been acted upon, which provides than anyone who speaks ot nis past gets thorough.,) kicked free ot charge." "But, of course,** he continued, “every member ot the club knows your past. '1 hat was necessary before you could be admitted." Mr Ellis quailed. "Good heavens!” he groaned. "How can 1 ever face them ? They all know just what an ass 1 have been!” "How does the thought make you feel?” “As if I wanted to be kicked,” yelled the victim. "That's good," said Mr Hart, grimly, "for you are going to be. Here we are!” A moment later Mr Ellis was hurried into the general room of the club, and Mr Hart announced in a loud tone that he was to become one of them. While he was paying his initiation fee, the members of the club arranged themselves in two tiles about four feet apart and extending across the room. When Mr Ellis was led to the rear rank each member leaned forward, supporting his whole weight on his left foot and letting his right foot, which was extended backwards, rest lightly on the toe, ready for action. Mr Hart faced Mr Ellis in the proper direction, then stepped back and started him down the line with a kick that made his teeth snap iike a rat trap. As he passed along each member with practised foot contributed a kick that made him forget the sins of his past and his hopes of the future. When he landed with a grunt against the opposite wall the President of the Club hastened to his side and picked him up. He then led him into the grill-room and gave him a seat in a softly cushioned chair. “Do your sins trouble you now?” he asked kindly- ... - “No,” said Mr Ellis, shifting uneasily. “With such a counter irritant neither my nor anything else can hurt me for weeks to come.” When he finally got more comfortable he looked about and recognised dozens of successful citizens —judges, doctors, lawyers, merchants, college professors and prominent men whose lives he had always supposed to have run smoothly. They were self-confes-sed black sheep, and doubtless swelling the treasury of the club and availing themselves of its soul-soothing and tonic privilege of being kicked from time to time. When the dinner was over Mr Hart came to him with a worried expression on his face, and before Mr Ellis could thank him for his kindness. he exclaimed:

“Mr Ellis, I feel that I made an ass of myself in the way that I introduced the subject of membership to you. I did it so clumsily you must have thought me a blackmailer. I want to be kicked.”

Before he could be dissuaded he paid in his two pounds and the double line formed again.

As soon as Mr Ellis learned that being the youngest member it was his privilege to contribute to Mr Hart his initial velocity a dangerous gleam lit his kindly eye. When the word was given he started Mr Hart on his way to peace of mind with a long, swinging hitch and kick that lifted him past the first half dozen members. Shortly afterwards the two new friends went home arm in arm, totally oblivious of the blackened past and thinking only of the present, with its pleasures and pains.