Heard at a Bazaar Behind the Scenes.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XXV, Issue III, 21 July 1900, Page 139

Heard at a Bazaar Behind the Scenes.

Scene. —A Drill Hall. Stalls covered with work, but partially hidden by canvas terraces and balconies. Platform lined with chairs, which are gradually filling. Time.—Five minutes before opening bazaar. Fair Stallholder (loq.): Good morning, dear; how fresh you look! My dress looks like a rag already! But somebody had to be here early to help dear Mrs Goodwork; we didn’t half finish last night! And Mr Morgan asked me if I would mind coming down, so

Second Stallholder: So of course you were only too pleased, weren’t you. dear? Mr Morgan is really the most energetic curate we’ve had! I should have called the stall finished when I left last night, but Mrs Goodwork has such fl mania for final pats. Who—(darting indignantly forward) —who put that teacloth on the top of that blotter?

First Stallholder: Some kind person who wished.to spare our eyes, no doubt. Will you Gracious, she's flown! What do you say, Miss Steel? Why on earth didn’t you tell me before? How could I know she’d painted the wretched blotter? Now she won’t speak to me all the week! 1 know Amelia! Why. there’s that odious Mrs

Bootle! and only last week she told me she wouldn’t give a penny to the schools!

Miss Steel (unconsciously): Her little girl is presenting the bouquet to Mrs Slingsby-Burrell.

First Stallholder: Oh! that’s how they got hold of her, is it? My dear, look at fat Mrs Cottram as a geisha! Did you ever? Good morning, Mrs Cottram—we’re just admiring your costume! Where’s the vicar? Oh. gone to fetch Mrs Slingsby-Burrell! That woman- won’t walk on the same side of the road with us after this. No, little boy. I will not buy sweets! You’ve no business to be selling them before the bazaar opens! Is my hat straight, dear?

Mrs Goodwork: Now, dears, 1 want you to remember that on no account is anything to be reduced on this stall before the last day. J wouldn’t say anything unkind for worlds, but those Miss Walkers have just a little habit of letting things go cheap to their friends, and I won’t have it. Here’s Mrs SI ingsby-Bur rel 1.

First Stallholder: Look at her bonnet! Anyone can see it’s the first time she’s opened a bazaar! Well, if Amelia hasn't actually gone on the platform! Some people are pushing! | The Vicar leads Mrs SlingsbyBurrell to a chair at the front of the platform, and rises to introduce her, explain the object of the bazaar, and request her to open it. Five minutes later he discerns Miss Victoria Bootle silently weeping in a corner since he had begun to speak, when she was about to come forward with her bouquet. Sudden cessation of speech. Much caressing of Miss Bootle, and appeasing of her mother. Presentation of bouquet.

Mrs Slingsby-Burrell (reading from a paper in her hand in a weak, hurried whisper): 1 have much pleasure in de-

daring this bazaar open, and wish it every success. | Loud applause. Churchwarden (catches Vicar’s eye. and rises): I have great pleasure in proposing a vote, of thanks to Mrs Slingsby-Burrell for—er—the graceful and eloquent way in which she lias performed —in which she has opened our bazaar. I'm sure you will agree with me that it could not have been done more gracefully or more eloquently. In these days when ladies eclipse us in public speaking, we men may hide—er —er —take a back seat. But you will allow me to say that Mrs SlingsbyBurrell will—l mean has—come forward to help us most—most—er—gracefully and eloquently. 1 will not detain you longer. Deaf Old Gentleman (complacently): Hear, hear! (Sundry small speeches, in which various inhabitants of platform express deepest admiration for each other’s life and conduct. Ceremony concludes. Business begins. Young Man (near door, to bosom friend): You know, old man, it’s a beastly shame the way these girls bother you to put into things! I beg your pardon? (to Italian peasant at his elbow). No, I’m afraid I've no use for a doll’s house. No, I don't know anybody I could give it to; besides. I never win anything. Can’t go to lunch till you’ve finished that book? Well, in that ease I must risk a shilling! I've only got a two-shilling piece. Here yon are! I shall be awfully annoyed if I get it. you know. Beg pardon? Oh. Mr Smallman. 17. Duke-street; thank you. Here, one minute please, you've made a mistake, I didn't say two tickets! By Jove, she's gone! I say, Bertie, that’s too bad. you know! Here. I’ll sell you one of these blooming tickets! Friend (well in background): Not much, dear boy! Look out. here's the old party who opened the show!

(Mrs Slingsby - Burrell wanders past on the Churchwarden's arm. Flower-stall Assistant: Look at her airs!Ami to think that her uncle keeps a tripe-shop! Gracious, what's the matter now? Vicar (anxiously): Mr Morgan, would you kindly see if anything is wrong down there? (Curate goes to discover cause ot iuereasingxlisturbance at end of hall, and finds excited head of Rosebud Stall, fair, fat, and fifty, who attacks him on the spot. Flower-stall Assistant: Ixiok here, young man. I'm a plain woman, and I want a plain answer to a plain question! Who's overhung my stall since last night with that idiotic eardboaid balcony? Moated Grange, indeed! Stuff and nonsense with your Moated Granges! 1 came here to sell my work, not to play with babies! Where's the Vicar? If the Vicar had listened to me in the first instance, and had a sensible sale of plain clothing in the schoolroom instead of all this fandangling nonsense, everything would have gone smoothly! No, yon needn't go; 1 haven't done yet. You can just tell the Vicar that if a yard and a half of that pasteboard nonsense isn't ent away within an hour, so that people can sec what I’ve got to sell. I’ll pack up everything and go home! Where is the Vicar? Vicar (from the platform): I am requested to announce that hot luncheons ean be obtained in the refresh ment room from one o'clock at two shillings. Stallholders and assistants half-price. General Chorus of Stallholders and Assistants: What time is it now? IO DARKEN GREY HAIR. Lockyer’s Sulphur Hair Restorer, q uickest, safest, best; restores the natural colour. Lockyer’s, the real English Hair Restorer. Large Bottles, Is 6<l. every where. —(Advt.)