Manor Matters.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XXV, Issue III, 21 July 1900, Page 109

Manor Matters.

A Maori

Hone Waiporo, otherwise laliarangi, the intelligent anti Scripturestudying chief of Opoimi, who leans to the old Jewish faith anti keeps the real Sabbath most scrupulously, states that the present outbreak in China is but the fulfilment of prophecy and that 200,000 persons will be killed and the land deluged in blood, ami that it will bring about other wars of Kings and Nations. The old man acts up to his religion and spends all the Sabbath day (Saturday) studying the Scriptures in his whare, eating only food prepared the previous day. At the time of the Governor's official visit here he was one of the invited guests to the luncheon, but declined on religious grounds, the ceremony taking plaee on the Sabbath.

Dodging Shells. “Shell-dodging” and “dodging a shell” are expressions frequently used in war reports, as well as in conversation between military men. The words naturally suggest the inquiry whether flying shells can lie seen, and if not, how it is possible to dodge them.

A London paper quotes a sergeantmajor of the British artillery as saying that it would be impossible for any man to see a shot coming toward him. In a few instances only, during a long experience, this soldier had seen a shell in flight. These were, in all cases, shells from a gun he himself had fired.

Dodging' shells is done by getting under cover just before a gun is fired.

“For instance,” said the. sergeantmajor, “if I were climbing a hill, at the top of which a gun was directed against me, I could tell exactly when a shell was likely to come bounding along. Before the order is given to tire, the men in charge of the piece ‘stand clear.’ and that is the warning note, so to speak. Keep your weather eye on the gun directed against you, and when the gunners stand clear, dodge the shot.”

Liberal Compensation. The author of “Inside Our Gate” tells of an exciting encounter between the family dog and an unexpected caller, and of the various and unexpected results which followed it.

Don was a very mild dog, but one morning as he lay at the kitchen a “vegetable man”(not a John),suddenly turning the corner, startled him from his nap. He flew at the man, caught him by the trousers, and ripped one leg nearly up to the waist. My mother, taking it for granted that the man was bitten, and that he was very angry, ventured to the door to ask about it.

lhere stood the vegetable man, holding the cloth about his leg, and when he saw her he asked in a very mild tone if she would please lend him a thread and needle.

“I really must apologise,” he said, “for coming so suddenly upon the dog. He is quite excusable; but I regret this rent, because I have on my best pants. My wife insisted on my wearing them, as I was coming to the town; but it can’t be helped now.” My mother, quite taken aback by his mild manner, sought out a pair of my oldest brother’s trousers, brought them to the man, and gave him half a crown.

“I am under great obligations to you, ma’am,” said he. “These pants I have on only' cost me ten shillings, and the pair you have given me are worth fully that. I am afraid my' wife will think I have overreached you. You must let me give you a cauliflower. My mother insisted on buying the cauliflower, and the man went off in high spirits, saying: “Don’t blame the dog; he was entirely excusable, entirely.”

Some weeks after this my brother couldn’t find a certain pair of trousers that he wanted to wear. They were almost new, he said, and he was sure he left them in his closet when he went to the city. My mother opened her eyes at me. “Were they expensive trousers?” she asked.

“No,” said he, “I only paid thirty •hillings for them; but they were new

and I liked them.” The fate of those trouser* became a family mystery.

Automobile and Cowboy*. Is that picturesque ng uro, of the fact ami fiction ot me West, the cow* t»oy and rongn-and-reaoy riuor, to be replaced by an inanimate contrivance ot iron, rubber and gasoline? We trust not, in spite ot a story which the New lork “cun" tells ot tne more or less successful introduction ot an automobile on a I'exas ranch.

A “runabout’' vehicle of extra strong build was tried by the proprietor ana his foreman, and was voted a complete success. No more horses, on that ranch. In a comfortable seat, with the speed of a thousand cattle at command by the turning of a lever, henceforth the cowboy would prod the weary steels homeward. This exultation was cheeked, however, by the furious stampeding of thu first herd of cattle that caught sight of the new machine.

Across the broad ranch, recking not of barbed wire fences, went the herd. A number of properly mounted cowboys succeeded in overtaking the cattle several miles away, and alter a long ehase finally turned them towards home. After that horses were driven in front of the machine until the cattle ceased to fear it.

Then came the supreme test. It was necessary to round up certain steers, and some of the cowboys wanted to try the experiment of roping them from the seat of the automobile. The animals were driven into the welled enclosure. John Fisher and Harry Towles, two of the best ropers on the ranch, were chosen to ride. Towles was to do the roping,,his mate to act as motormau. When the steer was roped the machine was to be brought to a quick stop. Fisher put the machine to its best “roading gait,” as it entered: the corral. The steers made for the other end, the machine close upon them. The wild creatures, cornered, flew back by their strange looking pursuer. Instantly the lariat was flung out and settled over the horns of the animal aimed at. The “horse end” w» attached to the front axle of five vehicle.

Fisher failed to stop the machine. He tugged in vain at the lever. Something was wrong. At the last ino« rnent. the rope being secure; Towles seized the steering gear and managed to avoid a collision with the opposit*

fence. The wild procession, led by the runaway automobile, sped rapidly across the corral again. By a desperate trick of steering the machine was run out into the open, the steer dragging behind, the involuntary tail to a comical comet which was certainly out of its orbit. Away across the pasture sailed the runaway until some cowboys riding up saw the difficulty and cut the steer loose. Even then the men in charge showed their grit bv sticking to the fractions vehicle until after a break-neck ride of about fifteen mile they managed td work the shut off lever and became once more plain American cowboys, willing to rope steers in the good old way from a bucking broncho.

Relieved Hi* Embarrassment.

Sir Henry Irving is known to be a very generous man, and would be robbed right and left, it is said, if it were not for the protection afforded by his business manager, Mr Brant, Stoker. For instance, says a London correspondent, Irving recently received a letter from a man iu Paris who told of his marked likeness to the great actor. At first, the stranger wrote, it was a pleasure to be taken tor so distinguished a man, but in time the novelty wore off. and he had been both annoyed and embarrassed by .he continual necessity cf explaining that he was he, and not Sir Henry. The letter concluded by mentioning that five pounds or ten pounds would be of considerable ser'ice to him. Would Sir Henry remit by return of post, and thus in a measure atone for the annoyance to which the likeness bad subjected him? Irving happened to read the letter to Pram Stoker, and then said that he thought be must seial

the man something, not ten pounds, perhaps, but “If ye’ll let me. I'll answer the letter for you.” said Mr Stoker, who has tin Irish accent to match his Irish wit. A few days later Irving said: “You answered that letter, Mr Stoker?" “1 did. then, and I wrote him advice of a friendly nature, besides the money I sent to him.” "You sent him money, ha! 1 hope it was enough.” “’Twas, then," murmured Stoker, beaming, "and the letter to boot. Shall 1 tell you what was in it? Well, then, it was half a crown I sent to him”—half a crown is 62 cents —“and 1 just wrote that since it was his likeness to you was vexin' him. well, then, to take it and go and have his hair cut.”

Music Hath Charms to Soothe the Milking Cow.

Agriculture is certainly developing. Not long ago weheaid that brass bauds were employed somewhere in America to bling the caterpillars off the trees. Now the "Daily Mail” tells us that Professor McConnell believes in music as a cream producer. He declared at a Farmers’ Dinner recently that “music suitable in quality' and administered at the right moment.” was a never-failing means of increasing the supply of cream. Here is a chance for a composer! “Dance Music for the Dairy," or "Cream Concerto for the tow."

w t -r Buller and His Castor Oil.

A quaint story' is going the rounds concerning General Buller. Finding his supply of champagne getting very low, he telegraphed Home to his wine merchants to send out 50 cases of the usual brand, with strict instructions that the cases were to be marked “Castor Oil.” About the time the wine was due the General wrote to the base ami informed the officers in charge that he expected 50 cases of castor oil, which he wished despatched to his headquarters without delay. The reply from the base came in a few days, and was as follows:—"Regret exceedingly no eases as described have yet reached us, but this day we have procured all the castor oil possible (20 eases, and have despatched it as you desired. We trust this unavoidable delay has caused no serious inconvenience.” Sir Redvers’ remarks on receiving the communication are not on record.

Delicate Distinction.

It was a Master of Trinity, who, according to an entry in Sir Mountstuart Grant Duff’s Diary, made the following joke at the expense of some Newuham girls. We print the story as he gives it, but “Punch” hail the same joke many years ago, and did not give credit for it. It is now old enough to be new again. The authorities of Newuham College had asked permission for the young ladies to play lawn tennis iu Trinity Gardens. (It was croquet in the "Punch” story). The eminent master wrote back that he was heartbroken at being obliged to refuse the first application they had ever made to him, but that lie had no other choice—the gardens of Trinity being devoted to horticulture, and not to husbandry.

He Exaggerated.

Exaggeration is commonly held to be the special vice of schoolgirls. Their brothers, however, are seldom wholly free from the habit, and, in fact, few of us are really accurate in speech. Even in old times, when the line between fact and fancy was drawn with more severity than now. our good ancestors occasionally slipped across it to the wrong side.

An anecdote is related of one excellent divine whose essential truthfulness was unquestioned, but whose tongue ran into excesses disturbing to his congregation. In the fervour of discourse his facts had a way of expanding and increasing almost beyond recognition, so that he was constantly saying things which viewed in the after light of cold criticism were not true. At last a deputation was sent to remonstrate with him.

He was greatly distressed, and readily promised to exercise more care in the future; but before long he erred again, carried away by his own eloquence, and a second deputation arrived. Again he promised amendment, but again after a little while he backslid and a third committee was sent.

The good man was thoroughly shocked and repentant. He admitted everything. “1 know but too well,” he pleaded, that my besetting sin is exaggeration, but at least it is a lading with which upon barrels of tears.” Then one deacon laughed and onr, groaned, and the minister looked innocently from one to the other to see what was amiss. He was never remonstrated with again. The congregation had to admit that even a good man may have an incorrigible fault.

Discreet Disraeli.

The late Duchess of Teck and Disraeli were excellent friends. She admired his steady-going imperialism, and he appreciated her grasp of political problems as well as her womanly personality, but a little story, found in the recent “Memoirs” of the duchess, indicates that he was not to be charmed into telling tales out of school. They were once dining together. It was during a crisis in foreign affairs, and as she was puzzled at the inaction of the government, the duchess said: “What are we waiting for. Mr Disraeli?” The prime minister paused long enough to take up the menu, and looking quickly at it. replied: "Mutton and potatoes, ma’am.”

Properly Explained.

On board an ocean steamer a gentleman wished to help his wife, who was with him.and who was of an inquiring turn of mind, to comprehend the principle of a steam engine. This is how he cleared away all difficulties: “Why', you see,” quoth he, "it’s just one thing goes up and then another thing comes down, ami then they let the smoke on, which makes the wheels go around; that’s what, they call the hydraulic principle, it’s quite simple when you know it. ’ Dear me, I never understood it before! But then, of course, I never had it properly explained to me,” replied the fair listener.