Minor Matters.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XXIV, Issue XXIII, 9 June 1900, Page 1068

Minor Matters.

After all it is in the small country towns where they have the most fun on any holiday occasion. For instance, on the occasion of recent victories the small township of Hampden went wild with enthusiasm, and even the most sedate of residents found it necessary to indulge in some form of extravagant jubilatory demonstrat ion in order to give vent to their pent up feelings. At first the ringing of bells and lhr beating of kerosene tins and other empty vessels that could mid to the triumphant noise, with much independent and volley firing from all descriptions of firearms, were resorted to. But these methods of giving expression io the joy of the community were apparently deemed inadequate, something more magnificent being required to mark so great an occasion in rhe history of the glorious Empire that claims the Borough <»f Hampden as an intensely loyal and patriotic part. It was felt that a salvo of artillery was an essential element in any outpouring of gladness befitting’ the Occasion: but no cannon was available for the purpose. Such a circumstance Mas not sufficient to give check to the ambition of a community overflowing with enthusiasm and possessing num Of resource. The two local blacksmiths were equal to the occasion. Bringing forth their anvils, they transformed those unpiet uresque but indispensable adjuncts of the smithy into cannon. The perforations were filled with powder, wad. and fuse, rammed tight by brawny arms, and the charges duly exploded with the loud boon) so ardently desired. Someone, however, was apparently unsatisfied, and suggested that something ought to Ih* burst and blown to fragments in order to make the celebration complete. An old nave of a cartwheel was hit upon for the purpose. The hole in this was duly plugged and c harged, and the fuse having lighted, the party dodged round the corner of an adjacent building- to await in safety the explosion. This was a pronounced success. I’he hub was shattered to fragments, and. tilled with satisfaction that they had fittingly celebrated the relief of Afafeking and at the same time typified the dissipation of the hopes of the Boers, a cessation of the expenditure of powder was declared.

* 4* «F A sort of highwayman of the New Plymouth order appears to be creating some disturbance down at Woodville*. Ihe “Woodville Examiner” says that the peace and safety of the inhabitants of that district are seriously menaced is evidenced by the fact that the parsonage has again been the scene of an attempted outrage. Coming as it does on the top of the fact that twice during the last week attempts were made to burn down the building, it clearly points out that some ruffian or ruffians are making a set at that place. On Wednesday afternoon a man knocked at the parsonage door, which was answered by Mrs Eccles. The man said that he was a detective, and that he had power to search the house. He then produced what purported to be a search warrant. Mrs Eccles said she could not allow him to carry out his intention. He then asked if there was a man in the house. Mrs Eccles replied that there was. He still persisted in his threat to search the house, and Mrs Eccles refused him. He then said he aKo had power to stick a knife into her. Mrs Eccles called Mrs Walsh and the servant, and the man Feeing that there were more people in J he house than he thought went away. 'He got into a gig at the gate and ’drove away. The gig was hired from ihe Club stables. 'Die police have the matter in band.

I + + + 7 It »was Pretoria night, and two bailors had been more than T.oyal in the hotels until closing time. On their wav home they saw a man lying in the road suffering also from :i scviTf attack of loyalty. They promptly proceeded to prop him up pgain.M a wall, a matter of no little difficulty. ns the helpless bedy swayed first to the right and then Io the left. A p< lic«‘inan. seeing the scuffle, and thinking it was a case of assault and Tobin*ry. ran hastily Up. “What are you doing here?” sternly asked the policeman. “Here’s a chap drunk, and we are trying to make him stand up.*

The policeman turned ou his bull’seye and said“Well, iiq wonder; you’ve got him on bis ’end.”

A thrilling experience happened to a man named Henry Higgs whilst crossing rhe Wai mat a River one day last week during the recent heavy rains. Higgs, who is in the employ of Mr \. Wethered, volunteered to come into town for medical advice on account of .Mr Wethered's daughter, whose state of health gave her parents great concern. The river was flooded al the time, and it was at great risk to life that Higgs attempted to cross it. When half way across the stream horse ami rider were carried into deep wat«*r and swept down the stream. The horse was drowned and Higgs was left struggling in the water. He was fully clothed, and it was with great difficulty that he could keep up. but he finally succeeded in reaching the bank, although not before he was very much exhausted. 4? 4*

\ somewhat curious case came before the Land Board in Wellington last week. A settler named Duncan had forwarded an application b\ post, but it. was received at 4.30 p.m.. or half an hour after the time for receiving applications. On the following day another application for the same section was received. It was afterwards discovered that the first application was in rhe Post Other at noon, but through some oversight was not delivered, until late in the afternoon. The Commissioner (Mr Marchant) said he had treated the applications as being received on the same day. and held a ballot, with the result that the second applicant, was successful. He asked the Board to confirm his action. Mr Hogg had some doubts as to the equity of the case. He was not sure whether the first application should not have been accepted under the circumstances. The ( ommissioner held that this could not be legally done. Mr Hogg: At any rate the applicant has a cause of grievance against the Postal Department. The ( ommissioner: Yes; that is the 4- 4- 4-

The “TTmaru Herald” says that an interesting specimen of the mischief wrought by the teredo is now in the harbour other. Some six or eight months ago a workman made a, false blow with an eight pound hammer, the handle snapped, and the head and part of the handle dropped into the sea and sank. I’his has been fished up by the dredge, ami the hickory hamlie easily snapped again owing- to its being nearly all bored awav at one point. The stick was sawn 'through in several places and the borings were found to run from end to end. The worms started in the eye of the hammer and bored along the grain. The outside of the stick, except at the eve eml, is quite whole.

4- 4* + \\ Im*ii the wreck of a ship with a cargo of assorted alcohol takes place, there are great happenings for those lucks erough to l>e on hand first. At the wreck of the Sierra Nevada the Ix'ach for hundreds of yards is described as “sthifT” with cases of whisky, most of them with lids conveniently broken by Providence. Dublin stout and barrels of port wine lying snugly among.-t the wreckage, gently reposing in the sand, with the bung end invitingly uppermost. AU thaft was wanted to make a paradise on that wild lee shore was a few boxes of cigars. One enthusiast says that it was an occasion which would have made even a teetotaller go on strike. At night fires were lit. and revellers gathered around them trying to make each other as robust as possible by drinking their healths. The glare would now and then light up some toiler of the sea. laden with just so many case* as he could carry, struggling home to his own fireside, where he cculd enjoy himself quietly in the bosom of his family. After hearing the stories recounted by those who visited the wreck, one can appreciate the Cornish child’s prayer. “Bless father and mother, ;nid please God. send ship ashore." Thus the “Australasian." The “Bulletin" has also its yarn on the sump wreck, which is as follows: — The ship had a hold full of “Scotch," and w ben she broke up

cases were washed up in loads, and bottles littered the sands for half-a-inile. Those fortunate residents who went first to the scene in a deplorable state of funk suddenly plucked tip spirits, and a great drunk hit the nation like a tidal wave, and ran inland for miles. A batch of artillerymen -sent later to guard the wreckage found wreckers sleeping amongst the dead marines all over the place. They discovered one ambitious settler who had pul up a stack of seven full eases, and he was sitting on top with an uncorked bottle in his hand, drinking the health of the universe. The soldiers interviewed him. demanding his name and his intentions, and he informed them in inebriate English that he was the man in possession. “Tlilsh ish my lil' lot,” he said; “there’sh plen'y more--he'p yerselfs.” lie was waiting for his missus, he said she was coming with a barrow. When that man was plucked oil his little lot, and even roblved of his uncorked bottle, his disgust was piteous. They left him gibbering on a rock, and when his wife came with the barrow she wheeled him home.

+ + + The life of the carrier of mails in the country districts is often times far from a happy one. Tor example a faithful servant of Her Gracious Majesty engaged in carrying the mails from Opotiki to Raukokore and back had a rather exciting experience during one of his last trips. Owing to the heavy and continuous rains which we had for the last few days the rivers and creeks were in full flood. At .Maraeinii he found the Jlotu from bank to brae. He put the mails in a canoe and swam his horse, but the latter refusing to swim he was obliged to let him go in order to save himself and mails. He got safely over and was pleased to find that his horse had also reached land although carried out a long way by the fierce strength of the current. Hvery unbridged stream between there and Raukokore on his way down and back presented similar difficulties, but after many hair breadth escapes he succeeded in accomplishing the journey to and fro in safety arriving in Opotiki up to his contract time.

+ + + The Maori fashion of treating measles is creating some indignation amongst Wanganui residents. A Mis Stevens, writing to the ‘‘Wanganui Herald," says:—Whenever any of the Maori children are taken ill with measles or whooping cough, they straightway are taken to the ‘‘prophets.” whose cure, being to plunge their little patients into cold water, soon put them in their graves. It is high time some drastic steps were taken to prevent such sacrifice, and. if the common sense of the native is not suflieient, measures should be taken to stamp out the practice.

It may be remembered that some time ago a Mr. Haybittie, of Wellington. suggested that si fund should be started to erect a monument to those who had diet! or been killed during the war. and that the names of those who had died on the field were to be graven on the front of the monument, and those who died by sickness on the side. Commenting on this a sarcastic scribe observes: Now, why in the name of wonder should those who died of sickness be shunted away at the side of the monument, as if they were inferior cattle? Fancy putting the n-ame of James Ilf. of Scotland, who was killed in trying to get away from

a battlefield in record time before the tight had well commenced, on the front of a monument, and Wellington, Napoleon. Du Guesclin. Suwarrow, Osman of I'levna and Washington on the side! Besitles, a man isn't always a hero because he goes to war; many a man goes to war because he doesn't know what it is like, and is very sorry indeed when he gets there. And the wild demand of Mr. Strawbottle for four monuments—four monuments for a few dozen men out of a whole force of a very few hundreds who went to war with about the smallest Power on earth, and didn't come back! If Maorihind ever has a real war it will take, at this rate, about 1700 big monuments to commemorate her dead, and it wouldn't be a very great war even then.

Some time ago. in a too hurried response to the everlasting order to move on, a ragged, distressed looking handcart man's cart was upset, and his stock was scattered over the ground and across the tram car track. The enraged policeman could barely restrain the impulse to use his club. “The dirty loafer!” he exclaimed. “He did it on purpose —just trying to excite sympathy!” “He has succeeded, then,” said a soft voice at the officer's elbow, and a neat little woman stooped and began to gather up the scattered fruit. The officer's face reddened. He hesitated a moment, and then, lie. too. joined ill the work of restoration.

Not very long since a certain colonial club, an exclusive institution in which both wealth ami lAue blood are absolute csentials of membership, decided on a picnic to a seaside resort on the bay, arranging dinner at the hotel at 10/ a iicad. The day arrived, and as the smoke of the approaching steamer appeared on the horizon, the cooks made busy, and soon had a uinner fit to place before a king on the flower flecked table. Then arrived a body of thick-set youths, with fringes showing under their broad brimmed, low crowned hats. They swaggered in. The waiters, whose duty it is to be surprised at nothing, uncorked the champagne, anil 'he din-.er passed off with everv evidence of sett fa Lion, until a number of veH-grooraed gentlemen appeared in the doorway with visages indicative of surprised annoyance. “Mr Boniface." said the leading one, “where is our dinner?" You received my wire to supply a dinner for the Club?” The hotelkeeper looked aghast. Turning to the nearest diner, who was drinking champagne out of the bottle, he demanded, "Are you not the members of the Club?” “ f lub!” he echoed. “No fear," was the answer; “we're the Associated Marine Collectors; an’ this here's a prim - feed ver give us, for a bob a time, f promise ver."

■liminy iiad got hold of the newspaper ami was practising his reading accomplishments on the hard words. "C-o-u —j-u— conju g-a-1 gal—conjugal f-i-fi—d-e-I—del-fidel—i-t-y—ity, fidelity. Father, what does conjugal fidelity mean? The father was somewhat nonplussed, but he pulled himself together. "Oh, that, my boy, is a custom that was practised by the ancients. But what is that you are reading'? I have told you before that you must not read the newspapers. You are not old enough.”