Minor Matters.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XXIV, Issue XV, 14 April 1900, Page 684

Minor Matters.

T hr I engine of destruction, •which has won the endorsement of the I’nited States, British, and Austrian authorities, is the Just-Alsbau torpedo, which was perfected by a New woman. The invention of this torpedo has been the life study of Captain \V. Just, a former British artillery man. but was not made practical until Dr. M. J. Alsbau, Captain •fust's fiancee, added the automatic side gear. I had puzzled over it for ten years, said Captain Just. And one mornii e. after we became engaged, I was puzzling over the draught of my torpedo. Dr. Alsbau came up, and looking over my shoulder asked: — hat’s going t< make it come up? It will go under the water all right; that I can sec. But what is going to make it come up at the right time?’’ 1 was a little put out, for she hail put her linger on the weak spot, so when 1 told her it was a question easier asked than answered she turned the conversation. The very next morning slit* brought me‘draughts of the whole side gea ring. it is automatic, worked through gravity balance, and can be set like a clock that is. if you wish the torpedo to go. say. three feet under water and then come up you set it at three, or if you wish it to go ten, twenty, thirty, or any distance, you have only to set it accordingly. She invented in a few hours a. thing that had puzzled me for ten years. Dr. Alsbau is a woman considerably under forty, and has a large practice in New York city. She has always displayed a decidedly inventive turn, but has, previous to the perfecting of this engine of war, devoted her talents to surgical instruments and electric appliances to be used in her profession. A company with a capital of one mil lion dollars has been incorporated to manufacture the new projectile. 4* 4* 4* A’crily, the “Graphic" thinks, some people have more money than—well, shall we say discretion? it is reported that a lady ami a gentleman, who were evidently strangers to Christchurch, left a leather bag near Victoria bridge. It was noticed by two little girls, who. on returning it to the owners, were cordially thanked, and were informed that it contained one hundred sovereigns. The girls rereceived a sovereign as a reward for their honesty. 4* 4* 4* Open confession is good for the* soul of even the personage who lives by “the turf." During the hearing of a criminal case in the Supreme Court at Wanganui the only witness called for the defence was under cross-examina-tion by the Crown Prosecutor, and after giving his name, was asked his occupation, his reply being that in the subpoena he was described as a jockey. Mr Fitzherbert then said: ‘’Never mind that; tell us when you last r< de in a race?” The smile hitherto irradiating the visage of the witness was somewhat overshadowed when he admitted that he did not know, and a further question a.s to his occupation elicited tin* reply. “I live.*’ Pushing inquiry still further. Mr I’i tzherbert asked was it not a tact that the witness had been warned off the principal raee-cmirses in the colony. This was indignantly denied, whereupon was read out to the witness several instances when* such had been the case, and categorically asked, he had to admit tin* impeachments. The matter w as cli nehed with the question, •’Now. is it not a fart that you are generails known as a spieler?” The Meeting smile* returned, as the witness s mew hat hesitatingly replied: “No! bin I’d like to be one!” 4* + 4» Then* live in Christchurch at present a couple who were united with the marriage ceremony which prevailed nt Gretna Green for many years. They are Mr and Mrs \V. Ballintine, of tin* Gast Belt, and they were married in I'GU. When Mrs Ballintine was only nineteen years of age, her parents, who resided in Edinburgh, decided to go to S nth Africa, and take her with them. But that threatened to interfere with cei tain plans for her future that she had made already, so she held a consnltation with Mr Ballintine, and they decided that they should be married forthwith. As tin* vessel was to sail in three days’ time, and as their marriage ceremony in Edinburgh would be hedged round with tedious formalities, they took tin* train for the Bonier. When the couple r<*a<*hed I.umberion. thev told their case to the

landlady of the inn. She immediately introduced to them the Gretna Green priest, a Mr Summerville, by whom the ceremony was perfouned. The couple returned to Edinburgh, ami Mr Ballintine informed the bride’s parents that she would be unable to go to South Africa, and they accordingly left next day without her. At one time at Gretna Green 200 couples were married in a twelve months. Ip to 1556 the marriage ceremony was performed at the toll-house or the Gretna. Hall, but in that year an Act was passed which made it necessary for tlie parties to live in the district for a certain time before the ceremony. M r and Mrs Hallintine are old residents of Christchurch, where they have lived for twenty-two years. 4* 4* 4* She handed the draft to the paying teller. She was calm and collected, as if it was an every-day matter. “Madam,” said the teller gently, “you have forgotten to indorse it.” “Indorse it?” with a little worried smile. “Yes; you must write your name on the back here to show that you will repay this bank in case the issuer of this draft should fail to answer our call.” “Oh!’’ she said, accepting the pen. When the teller looked at the draft again this is what he read: The bank has always paid up what it owes, and you need have no worry. Therefore, I indorse this draft. Very truly yours, Airs J. B. Blanks. 4* 4* 4* A remarkable illustration of the voracity of the ferret has been brought under our notice (says the “Wyndham Farmer”). Mr Turnbull, of Tuturau. has been mysteriously losing some pigs from a litter a few days old. One morning’, hearing the pigs squealing, he went to the sty, and saw one of the suckers apparently st tick in the mouth of a hole. On pulling it out. lie found a ferret had h<f?l of it, intent on taking the pig’ to its lair. Not content with being’ caught in its depredation, the ferret cheekily followed the pig which Mr Turnbull had released, until the contact of that gentleman’s boot with the body pf the prowling little pest placed it hors de combat. 4? 4* 4» Our volunteers, or some of them,are, the “Graphic” would like to remark, a very queer lot. We shall not be surprised to hear of them refusing to “go out” unless they get cream in their tea and feather beds. According to a Wellington daily, some indignation has been caused amongst the Wellington volunteers by the intimation that they will be expected to proceed to the Wanganui encampment via the Ki mu taka, instead of by the direct route over the Wellington and Manawatu Company's line. The journey to Wanganui via the Wairarapa and Woodville will occupy over thirteen hours. By tin* direct route it would not take more than eight and a-ha If. Besides, the conveniences of dining cars do not obtain on the longer journey—which is a peculiarly tiresome one—whilst they do on the private line. So strong is the feeling* in regard to the matter that a number of volunteers have declared their intention of not attending- the encampment at all if they are to be put 1o the inconvenience of the longer journey.

When Sir Lyon Playfair was professor of chemistry al Edinburgh the Prince of Wales was his pupil. The following anecdote is recorded illustrating the faith of the pupil in his teacher. Ont* day the Prince and Playfair were standing near a cauldron containing lead which was boiling at white heat. ‘’Has your Koyal Highness any faith in science?” said Playfair. "Certainly,” replied the Prince. Playfair then carefully washed the Prince's hand with ammonia to get rid of tiny grease that might be on it. "Will you now place your hand in this boiling metal, and ladle out a portion of it?" he said to his distinguished pupil. "Do you tell m<* to do this?" asked the Prince. "I do." replied I layfair. The prince instantly put his hand into the caldron, and ladled out some of the boiling lead without sustaining any injury.

The pastor of a church in y on h aving his study, wliich is in the rear of the church, saw a little girl, a friend of his, talking to a stranger. “Whato was that man saying to you, Madge?" asked the minister as he came up to the little girl. “Oh, he just wanted to know if Doctor C. was the preacher of this church.” “And what did you tell him?" “1 told him,” she said, with dignity, “that you were the present encumbrance.” 4- 4, 4* He had made his fortune at Kalgoorlie. and boarded the mail steamer at Albany, resplendent in all the most costly apparel and jewellery that West Australia could produce. Befoi gangway was raised he had introduced himself to all the saloon passengers, and had announced that he was one of the wealthiest men the West had yet produced, and before land was out of sight he had come into collision with three or four persons who declined to drink expensive liquor at his expense. It was then that the captain led him quietly aside and remonstrated with him. “The passengers are complaining, Mr Midas,’’ he said; “they say that you force your company upon them, and that you are exceedingly rude when they decline to associate with you.” The West Australian gasped. “But my name's Croesus Midas,” he said, “and me an' my mates got more money out of the Kalgoorlie than them passengers ever seen in their lives.” The captain shook his head. “I can't help that, Mr Midas,” he remarked; “but you must respect them while you are on this ship.” The man of wealth strolled away, and took the first opportunity of informing those who had complained that they were paupers in comparison with himself. His money was Ihe sole topic of his conversation, and he related anecdotes about: his vast possessions on the hurricane deck, in the card-room, at the dinner table —everywhere, in fact, tha-t there was a listener to be found. At last the monotony became intolerable, and when the middle of the Great Australian Bight was reached the captain spoke to Mr Midas again. His tone was peremptory this time. He told the troublesome passenger that, as he had failed to take notice of the first warning, he would not receive another, but would be confined to his state-room for the rest of the voyage if he offended again. The breath of Mr Midas was taken away at the audacity of the captain. Then be slowly recovered, and extending a weather-beaten forefinger said impressively. “Book ’ere. I'll tune you up. I got money, 1 'ave, an’ when I get to Melbourne I'll buy this 'ere ship, an' give you the sack.”

A physician with a statistical turn of mind has been estimating the proper distance covered by a woman in dancing through the ordinary ballroom programme. An average waltz, the doctor estimates, takes one over three-quarters of a mile. A square dance makes you cover half a mile; the same distance is covered in a polka, while a rapid galop will oblige you to traverse just about a mile. Say there are twelve waltzes, which is a fairaverage; these alone make nine miles. Three galops added to this make the distance twelve miles, while from three to five other dances, at a half mile each, bring up the total to from thirteen to fifteen miles. This, too, is without reckoning the promenade and extras. “As a means of exercise,” says the physician, “it will thus be seen that dancing stands at the head of the list. In golf, for instance, the major part of the exercise consists in the walking around the links, following up the ball; and yet, even in golf, not so much ground is covered as in an evening’s dancing.''

Colonial offers of support have by no means been confined to the great selfgoverning colonies like Canada and Australia. Among the smaller, but equally significant offer*, of assistance have been the following: — Jersey: £‘sooo for a battery of six guns with a detachment of Jersey Artillery Militia. Trinidad: 125 Light Horse, with gun. Barbadoes: Light Horse to fill up Lord Strathcona’s regiment. Jamaica: The .Jamaica Militia offered. but refused. Malta: The Maltese Artillery are now in garrison at Cairo. Mauritius: .£*2ooo for the distress in Natal. The West African Colonies: Mentioned in the Queen's Speech at the close of last session. Troops offered, but refused.

The Federated Malay States: Troops offered, but refused. This last offer has an interesting history. The Malays in Capetown are much attached to Mr Khodes personally. When matters got threatening at the end of last July, they held a meeting, and cabled to the Malay Sultans to ask them to help England in South Africa, but the offered troops had to be declined. Hong Kong: Artillex*/ and police offered, but refused. Needless to say all the refusals were grateful and graceful in character. 4' 4- 4Apropos of rats, remarks a contemporary, twenty years ago the most popular song of the day throughout the British Empire was “The Ratcatcher’s Daughter.” It was really the original forerunner of Chevalier's coster songs. The first verse was as follows : “Not long’ ago in Vestminster There lived a ratcatcher’s darter, She didn't quite live in Vestminster. ’Cos she lived t’other side of the warter. Her dad sold rats and she sold sprats, Ail round and about that quarter; And all the gentlefolks tuk off their ’at* To the party little ratcatcher's darter.’’ The beauty of the girl attracted a wicked nobleman, who ran away with her. This disgrace on the ratcatcher's house drove her father mad. and he imagined himself to be selling- sand, instead of rats. The song finishes with a tragedy: “He cut his throat with a bar o’ soap, And stabbed his moko arter. So here’s an end of lily white sand man, Donkey, and ratcatcher’s darter."