WHY DO WOMEN PREFER TO REMAIN UNWED?

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XX, Issue XXIII, 4 June 1898, Page 700

WHY DO WOMEN PREFER TO REMAIN UNWED?

OPINIONS OF WELL-KNOWN WOMEN. Several prominent lady writers contribute brief articles on this subject to ‘The Temple Magazine’ for April. Adeline Sergeant says it ‘sometimes happens nowadays that on her marriage day a woman exchanges freedom and variety for bondage -and monotony, ambition and success for dulness and drudgery, a circle of congenial friends for the scant companionship of one man at breakfast and dinner, and for the rest of the day a loneliness only diversified by the chance of a caller of a conflict between housemaid and cook. For a clever capable woman there is not -even “position” to be gained by marriage: she can make a position for herself. ‘The economic independence of women is herein implied. When a woman can earn a good income, fill a place of responsibility, rise even to honour and renown, why should she marry for money or for a home? ‘The only good reason for a woman’s marriage is a true and earnest love for the man who loves her in return. Then drudgery will be glorified for his sake; but it will be drudgery after all, though blessed with a blessing beyond happiness. The woman who wants to enjoy her life should certainly remain unwed.’ Hulda Friederichs says: —‘Were un-

married women to answer honestly the question why they remain unwed, they would surprise you greatly, for their answer would have to be, “It is from sheer selfishness that I have remained alone.” And this is the truth. That this is so will not seem so very strange to any man or woman who has the not altogether frequent capacity for a little independent and original thought. For what is it that we see all around us if we look into the lives of our married friends? Few of them are “unhappy,” but nearly all of them are dull; hopelessly dull, looked at from the point of view of a person for whom life has rather a wider meaning than the cares of naughty children and naughtier servants, than the deadly dull and stupefying social rounds with which the enormous majority of married people are content, and the unnecessary petty anxieties and ambitions to be a little “smarter” in dress, a little more lavish in entertaining, than the dear friends and neighbours. ‘To the unmarried woman of the class to which I am referring, life has none of these burdens. She is tied down by no social ropes; her mental powers do not die a lingering death for want of use; when she has done her duties she may turn to her own amusements; when her holidays come round she may spread her wings and turn where she likes for new strength and hope, and inspiration; and when misfortunes come, she has the privilege of bearing them alone, without being oppressed by the additional burden of saddening others with her sorrows.’ Mary F. Billington writes:—‘To answer one question with another, I should be inclined to say, “Is there in the world any woman who does prefer to remain unwed?” And I think there is not. Women may not marry, I grant; but this is not from any deliberate choice that the unmarried is better than the married state. Rather is it. that no opportunity in keeping with either romantic ideals or practical common sense has presented itself. It has come to me, perhaps, more than to the majority of my sex, to know “the world as we found it; its women and cities and men,” and I have yet to learn that

modern conditions and artificial developments have so appreciably modified human nature as to wipe out the desire of womankind for love, for the protection of a strong man’s arm, for little children at their knees, for the sweet happiness of home. Till these aspirations pass out of woman’s mind—and it will be a sorry day for civilisation if they ever do—there can be no talk of “preference” for the single life. ‘I fear that I shall be written down by most of my critics as a woefully old-fashioned survival of the dark ages of woman’s oppression. But I cannot help thinking that the “glorified spinster” of the hour is only a very transient phase of social progress. As we know her now, she is still in the enjoyment of her energy and activity, but what about the lonely old age, the years unblessed

by family surroundings, the winter season of life? Even the most sneered at of “happy marriages” brings community of interests, friendships, and ties that are not to be set aside as nought.’ Sarah Doudney says:—‘One of the reasons why the majority of women are not so anxious to be married as they were once is a very simple one. They know more about men than they ever did in the old times, and knowledge means disenchantment. Certain modern writers have given them an insight into the realities of married life; the daily papers have done their part in the ugly work of disillusion. The ancient halo which encircled the lover’s head is gone; he is no longer the knight sans peur et sans reproehe, who reigned supreme over a girl’s dreams in our grandmother’s days.’