HOW ARTEMUS WARD WAS WORSTED IN HORSEPLAY.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XIX, Issue XXVI, 18 December 1897, Page 803

HOW ARTEMUS WARD WAS WORSTED IN HORSEPLAY.

The bookman has an interesting article on Artemus Ward, dealing at considerable length with his experiences in London. When he made his first appearance in that city he enriched his programmes with a note explaining that he would call on citizens at their residences and explain any jokes that they did not understand, and it is said that there was reason enough in such an offer, in view of the fact that John Bright, the eminent statesman, was reported to have remarked, after attending one of the humourist’s performances; ’I must say I can’t see what people find to enjoy in this lecture. '1 he information is meagre, and is presented in a desultory, disconnected manner. In fact, 1 ’can’t help seriously questioning some of the statements.’ Artemus Ward was foud of telling stories and jokes at his own expense, and he hail a habit when upon the lecture platform of purposely making people laugh at his own awkwardness, but he had one experience that lie never referred to. During a part of the time that he lived in Cleveland lie lived at a fashionable boardinghouse on Seneca-street. and was in the habit of cutting up all sorts of capers there, to the amusement, sometimes. but as often to the consternation. of the other lioarders. most of whom looked upon him as a ’halfixiked fool.’ One of his favourite jokes was to scare women nearly to death by pretending to fall down stairs. The parlour where the boarders congregated was connected by a large an h with the hall, where the stairway was practically making one big room of both. Every time a new boarder or a stranger happened to be present Mr Browne, as lie was known around the house, would cough at the top of the stairway to attract attention, then pretend to trip on something and go tumbling headlong downward, alwavs managing to catch the railing and t lius'escape injury. The women would, of course, yell and make a great fuss over him when he picked himself up. and he would generally manage to get off some droll remark that would set everybody laughing. But this sort of thing got tiresome after awhile, anil one day some of the men lioarders decided to stop it. A young lady had just arrived at the house, and it was a foregone conclusion that Browne would take his customary tumble at the first opportunity. So. promising the landlady that they would have things properly repaired. after the trouble was over, the joker’s enemies sawed the spindles in the balustrade almost in two. leaving the rail so that a slight wrench would break it loose. That evening all the boarders congregated in the parlour, the newlyarrived young lady, who had lieen let into the secret, among them. They didn’t have long to wait for their victim. In [Kissing up to his room. Browne saw that a stranger was present, and. after making his toilet, he started to go down stairs. He coughed loudly several times while [Kissing through the upper hall, and then, when he saw that everybody was looking at him. he stumbled and shot out into the air. But when he grasped the rail of the balustrade there was a sharp crack, followed by a crash, and the man who afterwards became famous as A. Ward lay stunned at the Ixittoin of the stairs, witli a skinned ellxiw anil a bleeding nose. That ended the stairway joke, and Browne soon moved to another Iwiard-ing-house.