In the Smoke Room.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XVII, Issue II, 11 July 1896, Page 43

In the Smoke Room.

CLERGYMEN in the colonies are a privileged class, and they onght to be a very happy set of people. In Germany and France, and, I think, in Italy also, they must render military service, just as laymen do. In Germany it is the custom to do them a favour by assigning them to the hospitals, where their professional skill will come into play, but in France, on the other hand, and in Italy, too, no favours of any kind are shown them. They must take their chances with the rest of the world and go into the ranks.

Tokichi Massao, a Japanese of New Haven, Conn., a graduate of the Yale Law School, was admitted to practice in the United States Circuit Court a few days ago. He was admitted to practice at the Connecticut bar about a year ago.

There are capital openings for men of many trades, but especially all trades connected with the building and furnishing of homes, in the recently settled districts of Mashonaland and Matabeleland. Of course the Matabele rising has for the present stopped the development of the country, and to a certain extent paralysed work and trade of every kind, but as soon as the insurrection is quelled, which will be in a very few months at farthest, there will be a fresh colonising inrush of settlers, the railway will advance as rapidly as possible, and those first in the field will stand a fair chance of making their fortunes.

We have new things every day, and why not new swindlers ? The people who practise the latest one go in pairs, just as the animals went into Noah’s Ark. A woman book agent leaves at the house a book to be examined. Three days afterward a man goes around and collects these books and the next day the woman appears again and is surprised that the books were delivered to any one but herself. She makes a hue and cry, and the easiest way out is to pay for the books and get rid of her. Then she meets the man and ‘divvies.’ It is rather a pretty game to play. Has any one tried the experiment on you ?

A Dutchman has invented a penny automatic doctor. The waistcoat of an automatic figure is pierced with slots bearing the names of the best-known diseases in general circulation. You drop your penny in the aperture that bears the name of your malady, and out pops a ‘ packet of medicine.’

Chinamen, when they refer to their wives—which is as seldom as possible—speak of them as ‘My dull thorn,’ or ‘ The thorn in my ribs,’ or ‘ The mean one of the inner room.’ Children similarly are styled ‘insects’ or ‘ worms,’ much as we say ‘ chicks ’ or ‘cubs.’

lam not overfond of epitaphs. They are rather too ghostly, or, as a friend of mine used to say, ‘ ghashly.’ If they are stupid they are, therefore, irreverent, and if they are funny they are intolerable. Once in a while, however, I indulge in the luxury of a specially ludicrous one, and this specimen from a Connecticut churchyard answers that description admirably : Our father lies beneath this sod; His spirit’s gone unto his God; We never more shall hear his tread Nor seen the wen upon his head. On Easter eve, at the early celebration at St. Mary Magdalene, Paddington, London, $lO,OOO was placed in the offertory by an anonymous donor to pay off a debt long hanging over the parish. At Salisbury and Buluwayo but a few weeks ago, carpenters were making 25s and 30s a day, masons 30s and 35s a day, and other trades in proportion, and the supply of skilled workmen was not nearly equal to the demand, for building was going on in all directions. Just at present, of course, all eyes are turned on that part of the world, and one can only hope that the brave pioneers will be able to protect themselves from the surrounding hordes of savages.

The hottest region on the earth’s surface is said to be in Persia. This is rather disturbing, as I have always associated Persia with cool sherbets, made of snow from the mountain tops, and a folk lore so fascinating that it would make a man forget his own mother. But our idols and our ideals get a fall now and then. Think of one hundred degrees in the shade, night and day, for a couple of months, with the mercury once in a while trippingly ascending to one hundred and thirty. Why, it is enough to make jerked beef of the entire population.

A London publisher was asked what subjects were most popular at the present time. Was he cynical, or sarcastic, or jocose, or did he tell the simple truth when he replied, ‘Sport, cookery, ghosts, gardening, battle, murder and platonic love ?’ These are first class materials for a literary hash ; but is it true that we have lost our love for good old-fashioned roast beef ?