SESSION AND SOCIETY.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XV, Issue XIII, 28 September 1895, Page 395

SESSION AND SOCIETY.

CHIT-CHAT FROM THE CAPITAL. (BY OUR PARLIAMENTARY FLANEUR.) fpHE Customs tariff still continues to contribute to our knowledge of local industries. Night after night is spent in squabbling over boots and bananas, cocoanuts and costumes, and everything else between heaven and earth. Occasionally some quaint expression or gleam of fun brightens up the debate, but such things are but tiny oasis in the great waste of desultory discussion. Captain Russell is greatly exercised about the 40 per cent, duties to be placed upon specially imported tailors’ suits and ladies’ costumes. Rumour hath it that the captain himself patronises the London tailors. At any rate his handsome figure is always well enough dressed to give colour to the belief. In denouncing the inequity of taxing the ladies who import their costumes direct from London or Paris, the gallant Captain waxed quite sentimental. 'ls there on earth, sir, a lovelier sight than an exquisitely dressed woman ?’ was his pathetic appeal to Mr Speaker. It is rumoured in the lobbies that one of the younger members on the other side of the House interjected, ‘ Yes, an exquisitely undressed one,’ but this I find a difficulty in believing, for the present House is nothing if not proper. A young ladies’ boarding-school could not be more tenderly regardful of the proprieties than our middleaged and elderly M.H.R.’s ; not but that there is high authority against the Captain’s contention. We all know the line which sings of ‘ Beauty unadorned, adorned the most,’ and my own humble opinion is that Parisian toilets are often only made endurable by the irrepressible charm of their wearers which will shine triumphant over flounces and gewgaws. Another tariff controversy has been that which raged over imposing a duty on spirits imported for the purpose of manufacturing perfumery. Around this odoriferous subject the fight waxed hot, Mr Crowther in particular lifting up his voice for the perfumers with all the raciness of his own plain, blunt English. According to the member for Auckland, thousands of people earn their livelihood in the colony through the manufacture of perfumes. According to the other side there is no such thing as distillation of perfumes in the colony. The amount of work given by the whole trade is excessively small, and the importation of overproof spirits for the purpose covers a large amount of fraud and rascality by which the revenue loses Z 5,000 or .4'6,000 a year. However, the House declared itself on the side of sweet odours and essences, and the Treasurer’s proposed impost was decisively rejected. As one irrepressible political punster remarked, ‘ It was only to be expected that on the question of perfumery the “ noes ” should have it.’

Wellington has just lost by death Andrew Young, a survivor of the most famous of the old coaching days. He drove on the line from Melbourne to Ballarat for the original Cobb and Co., and afterwards made a comfortable competence by coaching on the Otago goldfields. One of the local newspapers here describes him as having been a rough diamond ; but that is scarcely fair. There was more of the diamond and less of the rough about him than is usually implied by the term nowadays. In fact, a finer, manlier, kindlier fellow it would not be easy to meet. His passing away reminds one of how rapidly the old colonial coaching era is becoming a thing of the past. It is fading away, too, without having made its mark in literature. It was otherwise with coaching both in England and the United States. There both in verse and prose it found its place in well-nigh immortal pages. But coaching in Australia and New Zealand has either not been so romantic an institution, or has had the ill-luck to fall amongst unromantic people. At any rate I cannot recall the bright lyric or the stirring chapter in fiction which has been inspired by it as yet. The Gothic leaves here for England, taking with her Mis Alan Scott, from Christchurch, and Professor Cook, with his two eldest daughters, who are on their way to Leipsic to study music for three years. Mr Clayton, A. H.C., starts for Home on the same day, but I believe by a different route. Wellington invalids are much gratified to hear that Dr. Collins will return in December. The cause of this change of plans is a very sad one —no less than the death of the doctor who was taking his practice. Everyone liked Dr. Whitehead, and his loss is very keenly felt by all whom he attended. There has been a little more going on during the past week than usual, though in an ordinary session such humble gaieties as bread and butter dances, where you pay for the bread and butter moreover, would have been voted slow to a degree. It is said that a number of the

masculine patrons of this dance—l can’t call them guests —shied at the supper which had been contributed, and silently withdrew to an establishment known as the Trocadero, where they refreshed themselves to their liking, and reappeared in the ball-room after they had long been reported missing. This did not endear them to the ladies who had provided the sandwiches, and I believe there has been a slight coolness ever since. A fairly large entertainment is going on at Government House at this moment. That, and a dauce given by Mrs Levin have formed this week’s amusement. The Tariff still wends its dreary way through the House. The Colonial Treasurer looks a little dazed by this time. I believe he dined at Government House a few days ago, and was fiercely attacked by several ladies, including Lady Glasgow, upon the extra duty’ on imported clothing. They contended that you ’•eally must get your things made in England if you want to look nice ; that it is your bounden duty to look as nice as you can ; and finally, that they were sure Mr Ward did not want to see them going about perfect frights. I think it is since that dinner that Mr Ward has looked a trifle worn. Wellington at the present moment is the happy possessor of two poets. One is the ex-Speaker, Mr Steward ; the other the ex-editor of the Otacjo Daily Times, Mr James Aschroft, now ‘ Official Ass ’ in the department of Bankruptcy. The Official Ass stands some six feet-fourin his stockings, and the Ex-Speaker, I should say, not much less. Either rhymester when he relieves anonymously his poetic soul in the local newspaper might sign the appropriate name of Longfellow. But these two long fellows prefer to append their own initials to their effusions, so we know them when they publish. This week the Hauraki mining boom has filled the Official Ass with divine afflatus. In the columns of the New Zealand Times he treated us to a satiric poem on Wild Cats. Some of the lines thereof appeared to me to have more feet than a whole tribe of cats, wild or tame, four-footed though they be. I will extract, however, what seems to me perhaps the least sinful verse from which favourable specimen you may judge what you are spared : — Wild cats would die had we no fools and rogues ; If multiplied, they’ll send us to the dogs. O fools, beware! O rogues, you ways amend. And bring these wild cats quickly to an end. Next day the ex-speaker rhythmetically descended upon the Official Ass thusly : — WILD CATS. TO ‘J.A.’ BY PERMISSION OF THE EDITOR. ‘ J. A.!’ ‘ J.A.!’ I recollect the time When you could write in rhythm as in rhyme. But now, alas !—Permit me. dear old man. Some of your lines are faulty—will not. scan. Had we no ‘fools or rogues.’ why, then, you see, We shouldn't want Trustees in bankruptcy. And, therefore, spite of ‘ J.A.’s ’ smart abuse Even a ’ wild cat ’ has perhaps its use. W.J.S. Not to be beaten, ‘J.A.’ returned next day to the charge, and I give you his first two verses : — TO ‘ W.J.S.’ BY FAVOUR OF THE EDITOR. I said ’twas doggerel-I am not a bard. And you. a poet, should not hit so hard ; But barring printers’ blunders, it will pass As timely warning by th’ Official Ass. If I could hope by m; poor rhymes to save t’nhappy gamblers from th’ engulphing wave, I should not loss of business selfish mourn, Nor cry ‘Othello’s occupation’s gone !’ If this sort of thing goes on much longer, readers of the Ministerial Morning Journal may begin to ask themselves whether even the horrors and disasters of mining speculation might not be preferable to daily poetic controversies.

Gossips remark that ‘if’ Sir Patrick Buckley is appointed to the vacant Judgeship, he will necessarily be moved to another centre, as no Judge is ever allowed to act in that capacity in a place where he has previouslypractised as a lawyer or solicitor, and ‘ if ’ that happens, who will come here ?’ Where will Sir Patrick go ? and ether questions rise up innumerable. Of nothing may it more truly be said that ‘ like creates like ’ than questions, speculation, or curiosity, and so perhaps where so much is vague and unsettled it were better to leave the whole alone, or at any rate leave it to wiser heads than ours. Captain Russell informs the House that Sir Westby Perceval’s term of office as Agent-General will expire early in October, and asks the Premier what is being done, or to be done in the matter. The Premier affects surprise at the information, and says this trivial matter had been overlooked by Ministers owing to pressure of other business. The House laughs, knowing full well that no matter, however trivial, is ever overlooked by King Richard, who likes to feel himself monarch of all he surveys. A good story relative to the Premier's power over his party conies from a contemporary. When beat-

ing up recruits to speak on the resolutions re the tariff the Premier soothed one rebellious adherent by assuring him that the extra duty would not be collected till the Bill itself passed ; in fact, that the resolution would practically have no effect at all on the existing tariff rates. The obedient follower recorded his vote as directed, ami was afterwards heard bitterly reproaching his chief for thus misleading him. Another M.H.R., hearing of this, chaffed the Premier on the subject, expressing surprise that anyone could be so gulled. King Richard laughed his hearty laugh and said, ‘ Yes ; the beauty of the joke was that he believed me.’ I cannot vouch for the truth of this, but one thing is certain, that it is a well known characteristic of the Premier that he possesses a keen sense of humour, and can receive chaff even from an Oppositionist with the easy good humour which disarms all bitterness or sarcasm.